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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Ex friend

12 replies

Kerkyra2024 · 19/07/2024 08:51

I'm only posting here to see what other people think of this situation that I have been in.

An ex friend who decided to cut me off in February often always came across as wanting to always be centre of attention. For example if me or one of our mutual friends had something going on she only really seemed to give support when there was an audience around and by support it was like she had to I don't know... Out support anyone else? One example being a mutual friend had a health crisis just before Christmas and ended up in hospital over Christmas, when she went to A and E the ex friend was there but the entire time the friend was in hospital she didn't visit once and she barely even contacted her too. Also when my sister passed away she seemed to treat the funeral as a way to introduce herself to everyone who would listen to her.

Any time any of us would pull her up on her behaviour she'd then start involving her 13 year old daughter by trying to get us to talk through the daughter rather than directly to her. The last big fallout was an example of this situation. She had arranged herself to meet up with our mutual friend (mutual was still early in recovery here) and ended up pretty much standing her up. When questioned she claimed to have overslept (this is a frequent response when she fails to show up) and demanded we ask her daughter for back up. I received a voice message from her having her daughter backing her up and the poor kid sounded so put on the spot and on the verge of tears.

This resulted in the ex friend ultimately cutting us off as we did not want to involve her daughter as we felt it was unfair on her. Since then we have found we are able to relax more when meeting up as we are not frequently put upon her put downs of our interests or seemingly competitiveness for attention.

OP posts:
Loramora · 23/07/2024 21:02

its horrendous she involves her daughter and I feel for her however not sure the point of giving this anymore thought, she’s cut you off and you’re more relaxed now you know she’s not going to be around, don’t let it take up anymore head space. It’s done now.

Lurkingonmn · 23/07/2024 21:07

Agree with Loramora.

AzureAnt · 23/07/2024 21:16

Good riddance to bad rubbish I say

ThisZanyPinkSquid · 23/07/2024 21:18

Sounds like you are better off without her!! I had a friend who always had to be the centre of attention. I went low contact with her after she made a scene at my wedding then blocked her completely when she made a scene about not being invited to my baby shower 🤷🏼‍♀️ I felt relieved when I blocked her and don’t feel bad for it at all 🤷🏼‍♀️😂 xx

Immemorialelms · 23/07/2024 21:19

I would try to stay in touch with her to find out more about her daughter and if she's OK, tbh

lovelysunshine22 · 23/07/2024 22:01

I have a friend like this! She's always the first to be there if theres a drama but shes only interested in being centre of attention! She doesn't actually want to offer any real support or help! Shes always falling out with someone but has never twigged that the common denominator in every fallout is her! Most of my other friends can't stand her and i limit any contact to the bare minimum.

Kerkyra2024 · 24/07/2024 08:33

Thanks for your takes on this. To be honest I think the biggest reason it plays on my mind is because of the way she seems to use her daughter as a weapon (me and mutual friend are not first people she's done this with) rather than the ex friend herself.

OP posts:
ThisZanyPinkSquid · 24/07/2024 08:44

daughter is 12 right? Does she have a phone you could reach out to ensure her safety?

Kerkyra2024 · 24/07/2024 08:50

She's 13 she has a phone but her mum has blocked me on it, I know she's safe as her dad is my boyfriends brother and he and his mum still have contact at least

OP posts:
Yourpartnerisacf · 24/07/2024 08:52

I can understand why it plays on your mind: it is an awful thing to do. Are you feeling guilty because you think there are other ways she mistreat her daughter? Were you thinking maybe you should be taking action to check 12yo is OK? Action sounds more aggressive on reading it back but I just meant stay in touch for yer sake/reach out to 12yo in person to say she can always come to you in future if problem etc.

Kerkyra2024 · 24/07/2024 09:12

I also missed out the fact that it seemed that if something happened to one of us you could almost pinpoint the time she seemed to have something happen too. It happened every single time too and it always seemed to also disappear as quickly as it happened.

OP posts:
Busynana2024 · 25/07/2024 17:12

No point!!! Clearly toxic!

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