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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Cleaning Camp/ boot camp that teaches domestic skills

31 replies

ExhaustedWorkerBee · 19/07/2024 06:02

My partner is beyond useless when it comes to domestic skills. It is driving me insane and breaking me. It is not my job to teach him basic life skills. Does anyone know of a bootcamp/ training camp that he can go on? I'm deadly serious - he needs to go learn daily life skills and I would happily pay someone to properly teach him. I also think it would be healthier for our relationship and he needs to learn its not just me, these are normal societal expectations. Also - saying its biological/ just men - utter BS. He had lived by himself for a few years before I came along and has gone a little ferral.

For example - He cannot do a wash up properly (everything is still greasey), uses the counter top grill and sees no issue with leaving the grease tray full on the counter for a few days, cannot put things in the bin, leaves a trail of rubbish behind him in the house, leaves mugs and glasses behind him in the house, does not put laundry in the laundry basket, hangs out a wash all crumpled so it never dies, leaves tea bags in the sink, never rinses the sink after he brushes his teeth, does not put the empty loo roll in the bin (he is not 5 and collecting it for a bloody arr project), never puts things away, leaves cupboard doors open, does not wipe down spills properly, leaves the bins until they are a recreation of leaning tower of Pisa, never properly wipes down draining board, doesn't put dishes away properly after he washes up (I have sorted out the cupboards more time than I care to think about), does not use a toilet brush (was a learning point for him when I had to explain that he needs separate gloves and cleaning supplies for the loos in the house). Complains that he cannot find things/ things go missing but never tidies away his things, does DIY but then leaves the stanley knife out open and the cut bits of wire everywhere. I could go on for days.

OP posts:
OMGsamesame · 19/07/2024 11:49

I voted yabu because if he needs you to research and pay for such training then he is not worth staying with.

Stompythedinosaur · 19/07/2024 13:39

No boot camp is going to cure strategic incompetence.

Neither you or I had formal lessons in housework, and we cope.

Unless your dp has significant cognitive issues and pervasive problems performing basic tasks across all areas of his life, he's choosing to do a bad job.

Kezriel · 14/03/2025 22:44

Hi, maybe he was never taught these things growing up, or even lived in a household where this was seen as "normal", maybe his parents dynamic was like this so he sees it as a "women's work". I'd discuss this and see where this stems from and even set a chore rota? But if it doesn't change, then you are not his mother, cook, and cleaner and things will never change. Do what is best for you

Maitri108 · 14/03/2025 22:49

He knows full well how to wash up and put things away. He just doesn't want to, he wants you to do it. He needs a respect bootcamp: sexists twats go to these and they are schooled in treating women like human beings.

SheridansPortSalut · 14/03/2025 22:57

No amount of teaching will fix this.

XenoBitch · 14/03/2025 23:03

My DP is crap with domestic stuff. We don't live together, but he will come to mine for dinner and offer to wash up... I end up having to do it all again.
But, he has strengths in other areas. I can not do life admin at all, and he helps me with mine.
Saying that, I am also crap with domestic stuff. My standards are lower than most people's. We are both ND.

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