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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think he could have moved the car?

26 replies

WalkingInTheTulips · 18/07/2024 23:58

I started work at 6am - which means leaving the house at half five. Hardly slept last night. Dh knows this. Half hour commute for both of us to work, I drive, he catches the train. He, I think, left the house around half seven. I finished at half four, he finished at six.
After getting home, I then collected him and dd from the train station at around 7. He and dd popped into the shop while I waited in the car as I was in pyjamas.
Older ds needed collecting from the station at half nine. Dh did this.
I was asleep by 10ish.
Oldest dd needed collecting from a town half an hour away due to rail disruptions.
Dh WOKE ME UP to move my car in front of his car as he wanted to take the spare car to collect oldest.
As I was walking out of the house he called to me and I admit, I was a little abrupt and said 'what?' He sighed and complained about how I spoke to him. I said it literally takes a minute to switch the cars over, he could have just done it and not woken me up to do a one minute job. He said HE didn't wake me up, dd did as she needed collecting. And aso pointed out I have a day off tomorrow where as he has to work. (Please not at this point i regularly work 6 days, he works five) I said well fine I will go then now I am awake. He huffed and said it was enough trouble to wake you up to move the car! I responded that it's his choice to pick up an adult child, not mine. Dd could have waited for the next train. Especially given DD also has the morning off tomorrow.

So AIBU to think he could have just moved the car and not woken me up?

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 19/07/2024 00:01

Your husband is a fucking jerk.

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 19/07/2024 00:03

He was the one who wanted to take a special car to collect DD, so yes he should have just moved them both himself.

MyOtherCarisAVauxhallZafira · 19/07/2024 00:03

Why couldn't he just take the car that wasn't blocked in?

SinnerBoy · 19/07/2024 00:05

Yes, why didn't he move it himself, or use the easily available car? He's an unreasonable tosser.

AutumnFroglets · 19/07/2024 00:11

He didn't really want to pick DD up, he just wanted to look good so he offered. Since he didn't want to go he had to wake you up with an excuse.

Is he normally the kind of man who volunteers your time freely, eg offers to bake cakes for school fayre but he means you. Offers to help neighbours but he means you?

And yes, I agree with pp. He could have used the first car. He could have moved it to use second car. The fact that he just HAD to wake you shows he's a manipulative fucker spoiling for a fight. Don't accept this shit.

Original poster
WalkingInTheTulips · 19/07/2024 00:25

Context on the cars is that I drive a small 4 seater car. Dh can drive it but it's cramped, plus I'm low on petrol. But it's fine for me for work and collecting them all from the station etc.
We then have a family car, but dh says it has a dodgy wheel - fine to drive and do the groceries but not in the fast roads where DD needed collecting from.
He also has a small 4 seater 'fun' car. (A car I hate btw but there is a long back story there) I usually block on one of the cars. I blocked in the smaller of his cars as he does the groceries so thought the next trip would be the bigger car.

Either way, it takes a minute to move my car. So just be cramped for a minute and move it.
He is now in bed and I am now up, not able to go back to sleep!

And no, he probably didn't want to go, but seems to offer to go to the 'stuck' town or even DD work town (45 minutes away) rather than have 18yr old DD wait for a later train. My thoughts are DD is now going to uni in September so is working overtime, chose to work in their college town rather than closer to home, so has to accept that commute. In a couple of months they will be three hours away and won't have us to be able to run around for her so needs to start to get used to things!

OP posts:
justforthisnow · 19/07/2024 00:28

That's one of the meanest, slyest moves I've seen on here from a DH. Whats he like otherwise?

Original poster
WalkingInTheTulips · 19/07/2024 00:28

I also shouldnt have snapped so I accept that was wrong. But in fairness I am absolutely dead on my feet.
And thank you for your replies as I was convinced I was in the wrong when I posted, he was so adamant I was unreasonable to snap and he was the one wronged by me.

(He doesn't offer my time to reply to a pp. He doesn't really know any of the school people as the kids are older now, plus we don't really do neighbors stuff)

OP posts:
Petitchat · 19/07/2024 00:31

I think you're both really overtired and should sleep on it and see how you feel tomorrow.

Thedayb4youcame · 19/07/2024 00:37

I hope to God my husband never discovers MN, as he'd never be off it asking AIBU? due to the problems I cause him within any 24-hour period.

Maybe I've got it wrong, but with stuff like this you just thrash it out between you.

Yes, he was insensitive to wake you to move the car, at least if we take it at face-value, but then my husband knows I can have the temperament of a rattle-snake with a broken bottle up its arse (to quote Lily Savage) over the most trivial of things, so no, he'd never move my car without asking, unless it was an emergency.

Similarly, I'd never, ever move his, principally as mine is worth about £5K and looks like it's worth a hell of a lot less, and his is worth about five times that...hell, I dread being in it as a passenger, never mind the driver. I'm not one of life's natural drivers.

Only you know why he did what he did. Does he have any redeeming qualities you can reflect on to take your mind off it?

HolyPeaches · 19/07/2024 00:50

I also shouldnt have snapped so I accept that was wrong.

I think you were will within your right to have snapped.

If he had access to the keys and is insured to drive on your car, I can’t see why he couldn’t move it himself.

Original poster
WalkingInTheTulips · 19/07/2024 08:14

Petitchat · 19/07/2024 00:31

I think you're both really overtired and should sleep on it and see how you feel tomorrow.

Well I've slept now and still feel he could have moved the car. It's a small thing but annoying none the less.

OP posts:
AutumnFroglets · 19/07/2024 08:59

And thank you for your replies as I was convinced I was in the wrong when I posted, he was so adamant I was unreasonable to snap and he was the one wronged by me.
Look up DARVO.

We then have a family car, but dh says it has a dodgy wheel
So why hasn't he got it fixed if it's that unsafe? It could blow out at any time which would put you all at risk but worse, could kill an innocent bystander. Tell him to get it fixed since he's the one complaining about it.

However it sounds as though he's spoiling for a fight and trying to make you the one to explode and be in the wrong. Is there something else simmering?

Ohnobackagain · 19/07/2024 09:42

@WalkingInTheTulips I think you could apologise for snapping while saying your point that there was no reason to wake you remains - what you said was fine but the delivery was unfortunate (though understandable). I’d be fuming too.

Wishimaywishimight · 19/07/2024 09:45

I'm possibly being a bit thick here (or haven't read properly) but couldn't he have moved your car? Did he just wake you as he didn't know where the keys were??

Petitchat · 19/07/2024 10:01

WalkingInTheTulips · 19/07/2024 08:14

Well I've slept now and still feel he could have moved the car. It's a small thing but annoying none the less.

Show quote history

Yeah I get it. Was just trying to help you switch off and get some sleep.

And it's not necessarily a small thing, because he actually woke you which is bloody selfish.

AutumnFroglets · 19/07/2024 13:45

Wishimaywishimight · 19/07/2024 09:45

I'm possibly being a bit thick here (or haven't read properly) but couldn't he have moved your car? Did he just wake you as he didn't know where the keys were??

No, you aren't being thick. Yes he could have moved her car but he wanted her to do it (because he didn't want to). Yup. Messed up.

I hope your marriage is usually fine OP, otherwise this could be a straw/camel moment.

RishiIsACuntWaffle · 19/07/2024 13:47

WalkingInTheTulips · 18/07/2024 23:58

I started work at 6am - which means leaving the house at half five. Hardly slept last night. Dh knows this. Half hour commute for both of us to work, I drive, he catches the train. He, I think, left the house around half seven. I finished at half four, he finished at six.
After getting home, I then collected him and dd from the train station at around 7. He and dd popped into the shop while I waited in the car as I was in pyjamas.
Older ds needed collecting from the station at half nine. Dh did this.
I was asleep by 10ish.
Oldest dd needed collecting from a town half an hour away due to rail disruptions.
Dh WOKE ME UP to move my car in front of his car as he wanted to take the spare car to collect oldest.
As I was walking out of the house he called to me and I admit, I was a little abrupt and said 'what?' He sighed and complained about how I spoke to him. I said it literally takes a minute to switch the cars over, he could have just done it and not woken me up to do a one minute job. He said HE didn't wake me up, dd did as she needed collecting. And aso pointed out I have a day off tomorrow where as he has to work. (Please not at this point i regularly work 6 days, he works five) I said well fine I will go then now I am awake. He huffed and said it was enough trouble to wake you up to move the car! I responded that it's his choice to pick up an adult child, not mine. Dd could have waited for the next train. Especially given DD also has the morning off tomorrow.

So AIBU to think he could have just moved the car and not woken me up?

Why didn't he just drive the other one.

Hoppinggreen · 19/07/2024 14:03

Unless there was a very good reason he couldn't take a car he could easily get to OR move the cars around himself then hes a Dickhead

Bankholidayhelp · 19/07/2024 14:07

He's a twat. He could have moved your car/driven your car/used car that wasn't blocked in to pick up DD. And even maybe put some fuel in if using your car. (presume that he was driving to/past a reasonably sized town/city that had 24hr fuel or something)

yeesh · 19/07/2024 14:16

He’s a prick

Greenqueen40 · 19/07/2024 14:19

What an absolute cunt, please show him this thread!

Cherrysoup · 19/07/2024 14:57

Who the hell thinks yabu?! If my Dh woke me to move my car, I’d be fuming. How odd. Basically, he didn’t want to collect your dd?

Lifestooshort71 · 19/07/2024 15:13

Yes, he was unreasonable. I'm more impressed that you drove to the station at 7pm in your jim-jams!

Discotrousers · 19/07/2024 15:19

It's bothering you because it's petty and spiteful OP, he'd been inconvenienced (by DD) and his first instinct was to make sure you were inconvenienced too. Only you know how healthy your relationship is generally but I would be keeping an eye out for other signs of resentment or contempt.