Can you become more easygoing?

[Somethingto]

I am academically successful, anxious, and prone to overanalysis. Feeling pretty depressed about the fact that two guys I have had serious crushes on in the last couple of years are currently dating women who are basically the opposite of me personality-wise: confident, chatty, easygoing and unacademic (I don’t mean unintelligent, but focused on practicalities and the here and now, not really interested in analysing things or going deep). I know confidence is always attractive and it’s something you can work on, but I really feel like no matter what I do I just fundamentally am never going to be an easygoing person. I don’t want to switch the academic part of me off (and career-wise I can’t) but I feel like it might go down better if I could just learn to be generally more chill. AIBU though to think that’s a really hard part of yourself to change? Has anyone managed to become more easygoing and just take life more easily and lightly than they did before, and stick with it?

I think I have been able to become more relaxed and easy going but it was hard work to change something so fundamental (anxiety around socialising and keeping everything very neat and tidy). But I saw how I was turning into my dad and decided I would prefer to be good company rather than precise and always busy.

It's difficult to get the balance as now I can't get back to the same levels of work but my life has improved overall and can now enjoy my free time!

I have really changed in that way. It just happened from age 30 over a few years

I empathise with you, and can relate to this. I tend to be quite serious and intense about things and sometimes find it hard to keep things light.
sounds like you are a bit out of balance - "all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy"
is there something you can do to ignite a bit of lightness and fun in your life. something you really enjoy doing that brings you into contact with other people who enjoy it too. then the focus is usually on the shared pastime. it's a nice way to be around people. everyone just talks about the pastime, its nice not to have to solve the worlds problems or have to find something interesting or relevant to say.....
you know already that you have excellent aptitude for deep thinking, critical analysis and being successful in your work, that's great! that's probably taken sacrifice and hard work. maybe now it's time to prioritise some fun and frippery...
you deserve it.
hope that's helpful x

I recommend watching some trash TV (too hot to handle, love is blind etc) to lighten the mood!

Or get some fun hobbies - no chess or anything else cerebral.

I'm afraid that it's draining to be around very serious and intense people all the time. I kind of grew out of it after I left university.