Going away with DH tomorrow...

[Atbreakingpoint88]

And absolutely deading it and seriously considering not going!

We've been in a rough patch for a while although have been getting better for a few weeks.

We have a childfree trip with some friends planned this weekend (DC are 9 and 4 and a combination of grand parents are having them so I appreciate how lucky we are on that front)

However today I have been shouted at, called names (including an idiot/thick and a few others I can't repeat) all because I;

Finished work later than he wanted me to (I finish at 5 but had started work earlier so logged off at 430 - that was too late apparently)

Didn't know he wanted to take his keys when we walked to go and pick up the children as he wanted to gey something out of his car, so when I said I had mine apparently that was me being aggressive

Dared to shower one child and have the other waiting while I dried the first ones hair rather than let them shower alone

Shouted in my face when I dared ro argue that all I had said about the keys was that I already had mine, he could have explained why he wanted to take his, apparently I shouldn't queation what he wants to do

I am literally dreading going tomorrow and am currently thinking of excuses why I don't go!

Well you know this isn't true because he was the one behaving like an arsehole. Don't let him get away with blaming you. Tell him to go on his own and you can spend the weekend in peace.

As others have said. Please leave. You deserve so much more than this, as do DC. Please seek advice (Women's Aid / domestic abuse charity - https://www.ncdv.org.uk/)and tread carefully with your plan for this as it is a highly risky time. I know others have said tell him why you're not going but I would be concerned of his response if he gets wind of you leaving so perhaps if you could make an excuse then do so and use the time to get yourself sorted whether that's changing locks or leaving. Seek legal advice as a priority, speak with Women's Aid and police as necessary if you are concerned. And if you feel able to seek support from a trusted friend/family member then do. You can do this. Just think of what future you could have without him in it, with your own freedom, happiness and safety above all.

Any chance he actually wants to go alone and has engineered this row knowing you would pull out?

YANBU to not go but that was my first thought.

Why are you with someone who treats you like this?

Does he find/make every opportunity to pick and prod, criticise and complain, turn everything round so it's your fault?

Is he engineering these incidents then accusing you of being the one causing all the problems?

We know from countless threads here that sadly this kind of behaviour often leaks out when something's going on beneath the surface. Giving himself reasons why you're the unreasonable one.

Could he be intent in getting you NOT to go on the child free weekend with him? Dreading it so much that you'll cancel - leaving him free to go and enjoy himself? As in, is there something you should know?

Personally I'd be getting deep into the detective work with devices and bank statements etc. Sounds paranoid - but time after time women have reported here that this kind of behaviour is just the tip of an iceberg.

You don't need an excuse. You can just not go.

Do you find your relationship is a continuous cycle of "rough patches" and "getting better"?
this is the cycle of abuse.
https://www.verywellhealth.com/cycle-of-abuse-5210940

Abusers love ruining holidays, Christmas, other people's birthdays.