To be worried about a relative who is engaged to a feeder?

[Worriedrelative78]

Hi all, hope you're well

I have a right pickle going on. Firstly let me preface this post by saying that as a general rule I am super liberal with sexuality and fully believe that consenting adults can do whatever the hell they want.

Recently a friend sent me pictures of a young (20s) female relative of mine that had popped up on their recommended list on IG. These pictures are of her from a specialist feeder website. I had a look on the forum and am absolutely horrified by what I've seen. It turns out that she and her partner have a sub/Dom relationship (not a problem, I'm partial to a bit of kink myself) but what's really bothering me is that he's a feeder.

Obviously we've noticed her gaining weight these past few years (again none of my business, I'm hardly skinny myself) but what I've seen in this website makes me so worried for her. She's naive and younger than I am and has always been quiet as a mouse. She's lovely. The thread on this website is obviously him writing the posts (it's not her style at all) and there are all sorts of obscene comments from other feeders. She's gained approx 200lbs and it seems her partner wants her to become immobile and bed ridden and she is apparently very happy to go along with this. They've got small kids FFS.

As I say, I'm super liberal about sex but this feels like abuse. I have absolutely no idea what to do. Do I talk to her mum, who I am close to? Or do I mind my own business? I'm so worried about her.

Thanks for reading and please don't think I'm an interfering relative because I'm really not, in fact I usually have a 'not my circus not my monkeys' attitude to my family. This just feels different though.

It sounds like abuse. He's practically intentionally disabling her if he want's her to be so big she is bedridden and totally dependent on him.

Do you have any idea why she may be willing to be made super unhealthy in this way and give up her life?

Thanks for this and for agreeing with me and making me feel like I'm not crazy!

I think that she is insecure and was a single parent before she met him. She's had a rough ride of it in some ways so I think she wants to do anything to please him. I'm sure this is a subconscious thing from her and I might be talking out of my arse but that's my initial thoughts on it!

Shes gained 15st?

200lbs? Over 14 stone?

This sounds horrendous. She's gained 200lbs?
She'll have heart problems and all sorts.
You can talk to her in a non judgemental way to try and find out why she's doing this.
It looks like abuse to me. But if you go in all gun blazing she'll double down on staying with him.
Try and get an open dialogue with her, try and see her away from him, encourage her to come to a hobby or nice day out with you.

You need to show her mother what you’ve seen. And to be honest, I’d go to social services. To me, she sounds very vulnerable.

I’d want to pay someone to beat the crap out of him. This is abuse, nothing less.

Do you know if she's aware of the posts?
Either way I think she needs help, but how you do that may be very different depending on how conscious she is of what is going on. Even if the posts say she's happy to go along with this, if she's not writing/reading them, then can you be sure she's really aware of what's happening?

Yep, 200lbs roughly. She was quite small before! I would say she's probably roughly 350lbs now which is what? 25 stone?

Not going in all guns blazing is a great bit of advice. I did that once when I was younger about something and I ended up being the dickhead bad guy which isn't exactly fair but I see why it happened tbh! I've deffo learnt to control my emotions much better since my 20s 😂 I'll see if she and the kids wanna hang out soon on one of my days off.

I believe she is aware of the posts because there are videos accompanying some of them. Paid videos, go figure.

Ha Maray that's where I am currently, I'm really cross and that's why I've posted here so I don't make the situation a billion times worse and give myself time to think! Her dad is one of my fave relatives but he's extremely protective of all his family, me included. Not in a violent way but I think all hell will break loose if and when he finds out. What a mess!

Thanks for all your replies so far x

Has her mum spoken to her about her weight gain do you know? 200lb is considerable!

I think all hell will break loose if and when he finds out.

Maybe it should. The boyfriend is slowly killing her / giving her lifelong disabilities that will damage her life and affect the life of her children.

I'm not sure, I would think probably so knowing her mum but it will have been in a very gentle way. I have a history of eating disorders and there's a strong history of mental health issues in our family so I think she wouldn't want to potentially open any of those doors. 200lbs is a such a lot. I don't give a crap hoe she looks but she cherished being a mum and can't actually do as much with the kids as she used to.

Well perhaps her dad does need to know- has he not noticed? How can he be described as protective of all his family if he doesn’t? Sounds like she needs all hell to break loose tbh.

Very good point! Thanks, I can't see the wood for the trees! 🙂🙂

Best of luck

The situation is even more urgent because they've got small children and they don't deserve to see their Mum deteriorate like this 🙁

Call social services safeguarding and talk to them about it.

This sounds awful. Thankfully she has family that care and clearly loves her - you must talk to others in the family can't help feeling if the situation was I the exact opposite,
" he is starving her and posting pictures of her extremely thin body on line , she's lost a ridiculous concerning amount of weight and runs the risk of being extremely unwell and unable to look after herself or her children would you be as hesitant then ?

Sorry to be blunt, but basically she is being pimped out for a porn site.
I think all involved need to wake up to this.

Thanks so much everyone who has posted since I last posted. I'm reading it all and taking it all in and really really appreciate you taking the time to give me your thoughts🙂 I'm going to have a chat with my husband this evening and come up with a plan of action!