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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To stop ex’s contact with kids due to fortnightly visits.

5 replies

Qwertypopss · 18/07/2024 19:51

Split with ex 3 years ago and have 2 dc 6 and 7. Initially he started off having the children every fortnight Friday night through Sunday evening and then alternative Wednesdays. This has dwindled and dwindled over the years up until the point where cms has taken money out of his wage (after 2k arrears) and he has claimed that due to the mental strain that I have put on him he cannot have them overnight anymore and has now taken up the tendency to visit once every 2 weeks or so for an hour or 2 at a time with no more than a day or twos notice. If he has seen them for any longer then it has been suggested by me. If I speak to him and tell him that his behaviour is detrimentally affecting our children then he will claim that I am a vile abuser and am negatively impacting his mental health. The last time he had our children I suggested that they go out for approx 5 hours but on the day he told me it would be around 2 and then later texted to say that I needed to sort them dinner when he had told me he was taking them out for food and my eldest had been telling me all about the fact that he was going to eat with his dad. I have tried to contact through mediation to no avail and am in an extremely low income situation so cannot afford court in the slightest. I’m at the point now where I’m considering stopping all contact and letting him make the first legal move as I feel like my children fee abandoned and it’s negatively impacting them.

OP posts:
PinkyU · 18/07/2024 19:56

I don’t see how preventing the children from seeing their dad is going to improve their feelings of being abandoned?

Qwertypopss · 18/07/2024 19:59

@PinkyU and seeing him for an hour every 2-3 weeks and subsequently crying and playing up for days after is okay? When he’s not around they don’t mention him for weeks.

OP posts:
Whothefuckdoesthat · 18/07/2024 20:02

I think it would definitely be an option. But I think it would be an idea to talk to Gingerbread first. Get some advice on how to answer your DCs questions when they realise they haven’t seen him for longer than usual.

https://www.gingerbread.org.uk/talk-to-us/

Talk to us | Gingerbread

Gingerbread's free advice service is available to single parents across England and Wales. Contact us on 0808 802 0925 or get in touch via webchat.

https://www.gingerbread.org.uk/talk-to-us

Qwertypopss · 18/07/2024 20:47

@Whothefuckdoesthat oh my goodness I’ve been scrolling on here since you put this up. I had no idea about the website. Thankyou

OP posts:
Whothefuckdoesthat · 18/07/2024 21:04

You’re welcome. They’ve been about for donkeys years, I remember my mum using them when we were kids and I’m in my 40s now. I hope they can help you 💐

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