Husband's IBS

[JayJayJay87]

AIBU to be struggling with my husbands IBS?

Burner as dont want to share medical info on my account!

Since a few years into our relationship my husband has suffered with IBS. He has had regular flare ups and periods of 'remission' over the last 10+ years, with multiple drs appointments. We have tried lots of different approaches to managing his IBS. please dont give advice for miracle cures!

He is currently in the middle of a 12 month long flare up which has been particularly bad, and he is really suffering. He is taking medication which has improved things slightly, but the impact on his life has been more significant than ever before.

I need somewhere to vent because I am also finding supporting him really hard, and have noone I can talk to about it without sounding like an awful human! The only person I really want to talk to about it is him, but I dont want him to feel like a burden, or create extra pressure and stress.

Since this recent flare up I have ended up taking on more and more of the stress of running a household with two young children so that he can avoid aggravating symptoms. I do all drop off and pick ups so that he doesn't have to rush to and from work. I take DD1 and DD2 to all their clubs and parties so that he doesnt have to worry about toilet access. I plan and cook food to try and manage symptoms, and plan family day trips around toilets, flexible timings and taking 2 cars so that he can leave at short notice if he needs to.

Its got to the point that, even if he feels up to taking the kids I have to be on standby. He recently had to leave DD1s school play half way through as he was unwell. I couldnt leave work at short notice so she ended up without someone in the audience. The kids are starting to notice that he doesnt come with us on day trips etc and i just find it so upsetting that he's missing so much special time with our family.

I am happy to do these things. I want to be supportive and he is working really hard to feel better too. Im just finding it so relentless, on top of feeling worried about him and hating seeing him in pain. I dont know how much longer we can keep going like this.

So, AIBU to feel down and upset? Do I need to suck it up and count my blessings?

@JayJayJay87 you've had so many posts saying back to GP insist on referral for X, Y reasons.

I see no reason to disagree with a lot of fellow sufferers. Maybe show your husband this thread so that he doesn't feel so alone.

Fecal calprotectin is not the full picture though. If it's high, sure. If it's normal, it doesn't rule out anything. Mine is always normal.

Worth making sure coeliac disease is excluded also - it’s often mistaken as IBS. Hope it gets better for you very soon, you must be exhausted ❤️

My years of IBS were eventually diagnosed as Crohn's. Your DH should see a gastroenterologist for full investigation and management. He doesn't have to live like this.

Hi OP medical brush offs are awful. We are in another country but I think similar approaches. Here I’ve found it very effective for both of us to attend when symptoms are so disabling or really need to be investigated further.

I’ve found that gets a serious response as here having two youngish adults take time off work, arrange child care and come united requires a lot of effort and is not usually done for anything minor or trivial.

if your dh is open to it, it might be more effective.

Same . I have IBD and mine is always normal. Drives me mad especially when I’m in a full flare like I am currently .

I've got a DH with Ulcerative Colitis- he was fobbed off with IBS for years by his GP and it took a locum doc to refer him to a hospital consultant to get anywhere- this was 25/26 years ago- he is early 50's now but had suffered from being 10yrs old!
He had awful flares- lost 3 stones and had 10 weeks unable to go to work 20 yrs ago DS was a baby at the time. He is now on a good combo of meds, works full time and has maybe 2 'bad days' a month. Its manageable-
We are always mindful - eg I've just booked us a holiday and the flight times are for the afternoon- when he has a bad day it's in the morning. I book the seats next to the toilets on the plane but he doesn't generally need them- its the security of knowing he has the option to get there though.
He takes 13 tablets a day but lives a normal life - 12 months is not a 'flare' for your DH he needs proper medical attention- probably a colonoscopy and medication - Azathioprine daily has worked wonders for DH. Please push for a fuller diagnosis he does not need to live like this.
Oh - also get B12 checked, folic acid and calcium absorption too- DH is low in all these but the B12 injection every 10 weeks transforms him for fatigue and clumsiness.