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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Toxic Friend

28 replies

Pinkheffalump · 18/07/2024 14:48

AITA?I live alone in a very small town that is far from where I used to live ( Swanage ) and I cannot afford to move back there. I have lived here for eight years.
The woman over the road from me ( we'll call her Annabelle ) 'adopted' me and my now late partner as friends by calling us three or four times a day especially at meal times even though I laid down boundaries and told her not to call us at those times. I ignored the phone if Annabelle rang then.
Over time Annabelle told me lies about her direct neighbour - always blaming the woman for any upset including stealing from Annabelle. Like an idiot I believed her.
Annabelle has always claimed to have multiple disibilities and illnesses which I have now found out to be a complete fabrication. Okay, I'll grant you that she has mobility issues but these have not been brought about by her claimed illnesses as she has always told me.
Annabelle has a dropped kerb in front of her house and claims she needs it for ambulance access if she has a stroke or heart attack as she claims to be at high risk from these conditions ( which I have found is another lie ). God help anybody who accidentally parks even a centimetre over this dropped kerb!
My direct neighbour's daughter has provided much entertainment by parking just that little bit over the dropped kerb as she and others including me now believe that Annabelle's health condition claims are all puff and wind.
I must not forget to tell everybody ( at least those who haven't dropped off by now! ) that Annabelle has claimed that two of the neighbours have had police cautions for whatever reason. I have now found out that it is Annabelle who received a caution for her reaction to a neighbour's complaint about her.
Annabelle still rings me twice a day and the conversation is all about her. I cannot get a word in edgeways.
I work but at the moment my hours are only part - time. On my days off I get so stressed because I know that Annabelle will be calling me.
Things have come to a head with me because I have had four online interviews for full - time work and have specifically told Annabelle not to ring me at those times.
Yep, you've guessed it. Smack bang in the middle of those interviews my phone goes and it's Annabelle on the line. She then claims that she has innocently forgotten that I asked her not to call me at those times. That is four jobs that I have lost because of Annabelle's actions.
Okay you could ask why did I not switch the phone off. The truth is that I thought the first three times were genuine mistakes.
The penny has now dropped and I have blocked Annabelle's number.
The problem for me is that I am totally on my own up here and am very very lonely.
AITA for believing Annabelle's lies for so long? Yes I am.
Does anyone else agree that Annabelle is a control freak to be avoided at all costs?

OP posts:
cupcaske123 · 18/07/2024 15:01

I'm sorry you're lonely OP, is there nothing that can be done to alleviate that? Night class, exercise class, group walk, book club or local society - have you tried meetup.com?

Just be glad that you've finally seen the error of your ways which was a complete lack of boundaries that got completely out of control.

BustingBaoBun · 18/07/2024 15:06

I cannot believe that you would answer phone calls in the middle of an interview? Surely, whoever it was, you would put the phone on silent or unplug it for the duration of the interview. I'm at a loss. Why didn't you do that?

StripeyDeckchair · 18/07/2024 15:28

I'm lacking sympathy here, if you have phone/online interviews scheduled then surely you make sure that you are not going to be disturbed - turn off the phones, turn off the doorbell, note on the front door whatever

Only an idiot would answer a ringing phone in the middle of an interview.

This woman sounds fairly toxic so I'd just block, ignore & move on.

Berlinlover · 18/07/2024 15:30

You answered your phone in the middle of an interview? Insane.

VickyEadieofThigh · 18/07/2024 15:34

My phone allows me to put it on silent at important times. I think everyone's does.

I'm sure yours does, OP. You knew she would probably call - I have no such regular caller but it's sod's law I'd get a call when I didn't want one.

So I put it on silent. I commend this idea to you in future..

TheSerenePinkOrca · 18/07/2024 15:35

Who on earth answers their phone during an interview?!

That's so rude and unprofessional so no wonder you didn't get the job. Your fault not Annabel!

Annabel sounds like a weirdo. I'd start making an effort to make new friends.

loropianalover · 18/07/2024 15:35

Erm it’s on you to put your phone on silent or disconnect the house phone for an hour while you interview. Why are you even telling her about these interviews in the first place? None of this sounds real honestly.

Isittimeformynapyet · 18/07/2024 15:39

Berlinlover · 18/07/2024 15:30

You answered your phone in the middle of an interview? Insane.

Four interviews 🙄

Isittimeformynapyet · 18/07/2024 15:45

That is four jobs that I have lost because of Annabelle's actions.

No, it was your lack of manners, common sense and forward planning that lost you the jobs - at least!

Pinkheffalump · 18/07/2024 16:47

Thank you everybody. I DID NOT answer the phone. I saw the name flash up, put the phone under a cushion and rang her back when the interview ended. The phone was switched on because I did NOT expect anybody to ring. And to anybody who has implied that my post is untrue I suggest you get a reality check.

OP posts:
cupcaske123 · 18/07/2024 16:49

Pinkheffalump · 18/07/2024 16:47

Thank you everybody. I DID NOT answer the phone. I saw the name flash up, put the phone under a cushion and rang her back when the interview ended. The phone was switched on because I did NOT expect anybody to ring. And to anybody who has implied that my post is untrue I suggest you get a reality check.

Doesn't make sense. How did her name flashing on your phone ruin four interviews?

Anonym00se · 18/07/2024 16:57

I’m sure a ringing phone in the vicinity would not have prevented a prospective employer from giving you a job. But why, after the first time, did you not leave your phone in another room or put it on silent? Once is a slip up and forgivable. Allowing it to happen four times is idiotic. Why is this woman even privy to your schedule to such a degree? The whole set up sounds nuts.

time2changeCharlieBrown · 18/07/2024 17:16

How’s it her fault if you didn’t answer the phone or have on silent?
can you move? You don’t sound happy with where you live and sounds like you need some distance from her
or just completely shut her out and get on with your life

longdistanceclaraclara · 18/07/2024 17:28

Why was your phone nut on silent. Or even better, off. Why are you giving her times when she can't call? You're enmeshed with her and enabling the behaviour.

TwattyMcFuckFace · 18/07/2024 17:33

The phone was switched on because I did NOT expect anybody to ring.

Said by everyone who's ever caused a disturbance, because they couldn't be bothered to stick it on silent.

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 18/07/2024 17:35

She didn't lose you 4 jobs, your inability to suitably prepare your environment for an interview did.

Nevertheless, you don't want the friendship anymore. That's your perogative.

BMW6 · 18/07/2024 17:35

Tell Annabelle to fuck off. Annoying twat.

WLGYLMLAAG · 18/07/2024 17:36

I’m just glad I don’t live near either of you. You both blame-shift and it all sounds quite childish - ‘it wasn’t me Miss, it was her!’

velvetcoat · 18/07/2024 17:40

YANBU to dump her if she annoys you.

YABU to not silence your phone after the first time she did it in an interview. You kept the ringer on FOUR different times when you know she does this? Thats on you and is your fault.

FuzzyStripes · 18/07/2024 17:41

You don’t seem to like A so should stop being hypercritical and using her because you are lonely.

Eight years and no friends? Either A isn’t the issue or else you need to be proactive and join some clubs or sports to meet people.

lacefan · 18/07/2024 17:41

Once is a slip up and forgivable. Allowing it to happen four times is idiotic

THIS.

Createausername1970 · 18/07/2024 17:42

Annabelle sounds a nightmare.

But honestly OP I am not understanding why your phone ringing in then middle of an interview lost you a job. It happens and if you didn't answer it, just shoved it out of the way then I don't see that it would have cost you a job. I am also not understanding why, when it happened the first time you didn't turn your phone off or mute it for the next three.

I wouldn't have called her back after the interview. You need to start putting distance between you, and part of that is taking or returning calls when it's convenient to you.

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 18/07/2024 17:47

loropianalover · 18/07/2024 15:35

Erm it’s on you to put your phone on silent or disconnect the house phone for an hour while you interview. Why are you even telling her about these interviews in the first place? None of this sounds real honestly.

Agreed, someone's 😴

BreadInCaptivity · 18/07/2024 17:47

I don't think people are suggesting you are lying - but rather bemused that you did not switch the phone off/put on silent when you had interviews - especially when you have a person in your life who has a history of interrupting you.

I also can't fathom how this person knew about the interviews unless you told her.

It's sounds like she is overbearing but you also seem to have encouraged this to a degree (or not pushed back sufficiently) because you feel isolated.

The answer is really to join some community groups and make some friends and back off from this person by blocking their phone and not telling them about your life.

As is I think you are causing your own problems and not trying to resolve them.

coolkatt · 18/07/2024 17:53

Annabelle sounds unhinged but you need to man up and get a life and stop being so gullible too.