Emergency situation

[cao]

Hello I want to appoint myself as special Gaurdian for my nephew, who lives in Essex me in Durham as both of his parents are making it very clear they cannot provide stability for him. Mother has had substance issue and mental health issues dad has had same mental health discharge from army, lots of legal debt and has made him self intentionally homeless and has taken the child away from his mum with no court order while she’s engaging with recovery services. He has no money and the hotel has no amentities to wash clothes or cook food and my nephew has gastric health issues where he needs a good healthy diet and medicines.Dad won’t send him to nursery and isn’t giving him any other child interaction and I’m worried for his emotional well-being. There’s been 2 cases of domestic abuse on his side and he has anger issues that can get quite bad. I am fully prepared to collect the child in an emergency and bring him to my home however dad will not agree. Please can I get some advice. Ss involved however are providing 0 support told mum she can collect child as there’s no order and she’s engaging with services but she’s too scared. AIbu to want to go and collect my nephew??

Can you go with mum to collect?

I certainly can and prepared to travel but there would be a big fight from his dad and his told mum that if she goes to court she'd loose him all together. SS are telling her she's doing well in recovery however she's too scared of what will happen if we went to collect and what the consequences would be.

Two helplines to try: Kinship (google kinship they are a charity) and PAC-UK helpline find them also through Google - they are run by Family Action and experts. If they can’t help I’m sure they will try and find you someone who can. Good luck.

You can't appoint yourself as a special guardian, you need to go to court.

Unless SS are considering the dad's care to be poor enough for proceedings, you are unlikely to be able to care for your nephew against the wishes of the people with PR.

However, you could get mum and support her to collect her own child.

Ultimately, you need legal advice and to link with the child's social worker, if they have one.

Special guardianship is a long term care order, to be granted there would need to be evidence that neither parent can care for their child safely and that that situation isn’t likely to change in the longer term. Kinship care is often a shorter term arrangement that is often agreed on a voluntary basis. Have social work assessed the capacity of the dad to provide safe care for the child? That would be your first step - it can be tricky because two local authorities are involved and they will likely have different thresholds for intervention.

Both parents have full parental responsibility for the child, so if dad can provide better, more consistent care that mum it’s reasonable that the child stay with him. That doesn’t sound like it’s the case here though - neither parent sounds stable at the moment. Social work may be concerned that caring for her child may adversely impact mums recovery which would be bad for the child in the longer term.

What has social work said about the possibly of you taking on care of the child?

There is an ongoing assessment but social worker hasn’t been available in almost two weeks. She’s only visited once at each household and has asked for a family meeting to support mum to have discussions about child arrangements however dad is decided that it’s all up to him and when his satisfied with her recovery level she can start seeing the child. He’s said if she goes to court she will end up loosing everything. Mum agrees that he should live with me because he will not be getting housing as he made himself homeless there’s a big housing crisis and his debts (200,00+) will impact him getting stable home and all things my nephew needs. I’m trying to get in touch with a few today as I’m sick of seeing this poor child in the middle of this when he has a perfectly safe and stable home here.

If you show up with the mother, there is little chance the father will believe that you truly plan to care for the child yourself.

do you have any way to contact him in advance? If he is feeling overwhelmed, it is possible you might be able to appeal to him directly and offer to take over for now or at least to offer a regular schedule of respite care. Present it as giving him a break to get situated. You will also need to agree that when the child is in your care there will be no visits with the mother until some kind of formal arrangement is made.

basically, he probably won’t agree to hand over the child, but maybe he will agree to 2-3 days with overnights. You would be a glorified babysitter, but you would be able to make sure the child is well cared for during that time and keep tabs on the situation that way.

Can your sister AND your nephew come to live with you?

@cao

childlawadvice.org.uk/booking-a-call-back/

Yes of course

Then I would be talking to SS about this as an option then.

If he has concerns about her substance misuse, it’s reasonable that he doesn’t want his child with her - and as it stands that’s his decision to make. His own situation isn’t good, but is it the lesser of two evils? While your nephew may have a safe home with you, his parents need to agree to that unless the court decides neither can provide him with safe enough care.

Do seek legal advice on where to go from here, and keep on top of social work. A family meeting/family group decision making could be a really useful process but social work need to get on top of their assessment.

As an interim measure, could you go and live with mum for a couple of weeks, mum having collected the child , whilst you get AS sorted? You may be able to gain greater insight into the whole situation if you are actually there.

Or take Mum and child to Durham over the Summer, ensuring you let SS know where they are. Could you wait for the report from SS, they may? deem the father capa ble of meeting the child's needs, but may not

You've had great advice so far - but on here to give you a massive hug for doing this for your sister and nephew !

I've spoken to social worker after mum gave her consent to share information there's nothing in place for her not to take him and she said if mum gives consent for
Me to look after him then thats okay she didn't clarify for how long. She said aslong as the process doesn't involve any conflict that will effect the child then she doesn't understand the issue. I think I'll be driving down tonight and supporting her as if I do it it's child abduction however I refuse to sit back and watch this boy suffer for much longer. I'll try and speak to dad on collection tommorow and offer respite for him while he gets sorted.

They are still in assessment and it's taking too long. Soon dad will be asking mum to drop food and wash clothes and money again to be able to look after the child. I wish it wasn't this hard.

She said aslong as the process doesn't involve any conflict that will effect the child then she doesn't understand the issue.

The issue is the child has two parents with equal rights and responsibilities - and he seems to have refused consent to you caring for the child.

@cao

I honestly wouldn't intervene until you have taken advice from someone external to the equation, OP.

I'm concerned, for instance, that the child's father could come to your house to take the child back and that you could end up in a disturbing situation leading to the police being called.

Your kind intentions could inadvertently make things worse.

Would you be willing to speak to Coram as I have suggested? I think that what you have in mind would come under their remit. Please don't go ahead with your plan without guidance on the law.

https://childlawadvice.org.uk/booking-a-call-back/

Re the child's father, could you put him in touch with SSAFA?

www.ssafa.org.uk/

I'll be offering to look after him face to face tommorow if he denies then it's simply up to the mum to take her child back and I'll be there as support as there's no protection plan or court orders in place to say differently. They are going to support me in getting kinship but it's a lengthy process

From what you have posted, it is not clear that you should be helping the mother retrieve the child if the father declines help. The father is far from ideal, but living with an addict as a child is awful.

Unfortunately the father is also an addict which is why I'm trying to get some kinship to give my newphew some stability

I'll be offering to look after him face to face tommorow if he denies then it's simply up to the mum to take her child back and I'll be there as support as there's no protection plan or court orders in place to say differently. They are going to support me in getting kinship but it's a lengthy process

But mum has no more right to take her child than dad has, there being no court order means they have equal right to residence, not that mums wishes take priority. If there are concerns about safe care, social work should really be stepping in and securing a voluntary kinship arrangement with the agreement of both parents or seeking an order that gives you residence of the child.

As hard as it is, you can’t side step the parental rights of both parents. Social work clearly don’t think it’s urgent that the child is moved or they would have removed him by now.

SS will be aware if this is the case, and their report will likely conclude that the child needs to be on at least an S47. They have 45 days to present a decision. How long have they been involved? Then, add two days for internal SS involvement before they contact you. By day 35, the report will be written with the managers of the A&I team. Managers will read, question if necessary and eventually approve. Then, your sister and partner will be informed of the next steps. (Step down to early help, escalate to S47 and monitor the home situation, or suggest that S20 take a child into care).

This is where you step in as the LA will look at family and friends before Foster Care (- it's cheaper). Do not enable the mother too much as you will be expected to keep a separation between the child and mother if you should get care of the child, showing impartiality to both parents with contact and allowing contact only if it is safe to do so.