To accept money for private treatment

[Parentworry]

My husband was diagnosed with cancer in January. He has been receiving chemo and radiotherapy. Unfortunately it looks like the treatment may not have worked on one tumour but they won’t know until they remove the lymph node in a neck dissection. He had had a PET scan and we paid to get the results privately as otherwise we may have had to wait weeks. He can have the operation in a weeks time if we go privately but it may be a month or more otherwise. The operation is around £8,000. Money we don’t have. My parents have offered us the money. They are not rich but they are comfortable. We feel guilty taking the money. Wwyd?

If your parents can afford it and are happy to offer, I would take the money for the private treatment. I don't know how it works if after the operation you go back into the NHS system but this will be the quickest way of finding out if the current treatment is working.

Make a plan to pay them back but I would absolutely take the money. Sorry that you are going through this.

Gosh, I'd accept it in a heartbeat. And likewise, if I were in their financial position and my SIL needed help, I wouldn't hesitate a second to help him.

Do you have kids? What would you do for them and the person they love? I cannot imagine any parent not helping if they were able to, of course they might not have the money but if they do, then take it.

I'd snap their hands off for the money.

Take the money and arrange the surgery. Just out of interest, if it was you who needed cancer surgery and your parents offered to send you private, would you accept, or would you dither?

I hope your DH is OK.

I would definitely accept, as time is a huge issue when it comes to cancer treatment. Your parents are clearly happy to give you the money.

Are the two treatments equivalent?
Can the treatment wait- ie what would the impact be of waiting.
What happens after this round of treatment- IE next steps and can the next steps only happen in a private setting

I'd be weighing these things up- because if it could wait, and there is only one £8k offer available, then I'd want to make sure I was using it at the right time. I'd also want to make sure that the 8k treatment doesn't really mean multiple 8ks as there would need to be follow on treatment.

All the best and I'm sorry you have to make these decisions.

Accept the money. They wouldn't have offered if they didn't have the money. They don't want you to lose him, and if you have children, your kids to lose their dad. If he doesn't get better you will regret turning it down forever.

This. In a heartbeat and without question.

I would accept it but please bear in mind that cancer treatment is usually ongoing. Sending positive vibes to you.

Normally I'm 100% behind "neither a borrower nor a lender be" but in this situation I'd absolutely go for it.

Take the money, they are offering it because they love you. I wouldn’t even think twice on giving my daughter £8k if it meant saving the man she loves. I wish you and your husband well.

I voted YABU to feel guilty but now I'm not sure what your question was. I say take the money.

Seriously? Take the money.

Take the money. Don't waste time feeling guilty. You have enough bad shit to deal with. Be pragmatic, thank them, and get the hell on with the operation.

Sounds like a gift not a loan?

Of course you have to

It's literally life and death

I'd rob a bank to not die

The point was in the second half of my reply.

This. A week versus a month may not be significant. If it is, do. If it isn't, don't.

Take the money. Erase the weird British guilt about money. They have it, they will not be on the streets without it, your husband can get massive benefit from it.

My only note to that is the same as a pp - make sure this is the right thing to spend it on, is an early operation the best use or would it be better to save it and access a different treatment etc. I do not know enough about this to have any view on whether this is something you need to consider.