To feel so depressed after moving??

[MamaMilli]

Please be gentle Mumsnet, I’m not in the best place right now…And this may be super long…

We moved house a week last Friday, so not even a fortnight ago. We had been long term renters in the house we were in (me, my husband and two girls age 11 and 8). For a bit of background, we had been in our previous house 15 years and landlord had always made us believe he would sell to us one day and for a good price. The house was in a prime area and we loved it. However over the last couple years it became apparent that he wasn’t going to stick to what he’d always said, therefore leaving us with the choice to either carry on renting from him with no gain at the end of the day, or buying elsewhere. Finding another rental property in the area was not an option due to the cost.

We recently found a house to buy in a nearby village which we have bought and just moved into. The village is equally as nice and desirable as the place we previously lived but much, much smaller, with none of the creature comforts we loved about the previous town. But we would never have been able to be first time buyers where we were as prices are premium there.

Right now I feel I should be so proud and happy to finally have bought as opposed to renting but instead I feel bereft for the life I’ve left behind. I miss everything about the old town (even though I’m only twenty mins away). I have sunk into a depression that I feel so guilty about as I should be so happy right now and I want to be happy but I just feel so nostalgic, anxious and like I’m grieving for my life in the town I left. I know I must sound so awful and ungrateful. I didn’t ever expect to feel this way and it’s hit me like a tonne of bricks.

Has anyone ever felt this way and overcame it? For everyone that will think sound ungrateful and pathetic-please don’t tell me this right now as I already know it and really don’t need to hear it right now. Thankyou in advance to anyone that may be able to help

I've moved 3 months ago. Only 20 mins away from my old town too.

This town is better with more amenities in fact.

I was so miserable. Deeply unhappy. I'm still renting mind.

Gradually once I'd unpacked and had my own things around me again I started to feel better.

You'll be alright. Change is hard. It just takes time. Try and find some nice new places to go. Nice coffee shops etc?

I think if you allow yourself to get sad about it then you will be able to move on. This feeling is definitely not permanent..if you feel it rather than supress it.

Is there anything that you can get involved in to feel a part of the community? A yoga class? Vol work? Join a gym? Or walking group?

Moving is one of the most stressful things we can do, and how you're feeling is 100% normal. Moving is emotionally and physically exhausting, and even if you're in love with the new house, it takes a while before it feels like home.

Take it easy on yourself and allow yourself to feel however you feel. You will get through this, I have no doubt. Congratulations on your new home.

I felt like that when I last moved, and it was still in the same area and walkable from the other house! I think I was just attached to the house and the immediate surroundings. I didn’t really want to move but had to because it was too small. That’s probably the same with you in that you didn’t really want to move. The feelings went away quite quickly, maybe a few weeks later.

Weirdly I felt the same way when moving from rental into our first home. Completely depressed, it was so odd because I had been so excited to move and finally have my own house but it was like I was grieving. I'm not even sure what exactly I was grieving. But I did overcome it and we stayed there for 6 years happily! We moved again because we needed more room 2 years ago and I prepared myself to go into a low mood again but luckily I didn't which really surprised me. I'm not good with change at all!! Your new home will soon become your routine and comfort. Congratulations on becoming a homeowner!

I don't know how long it takes for this feeling to pass, but you are not alone.

I had to move recently because my landlord's friends asked him to move in because it is close to their work. It made me feel so horrible and worthless. I couldn't get myself to look for somewhere else to move because I was so depressed. I was saved by a co-worker who was renting out a room.

I am severely depressed and cry almost every night and I'm still in the same area! I think it is because that place felt like home and because of the way my life was upended for someone else's convenience like I am nothing.

I think it's because you had your babies there and the house has so many memories. But you will make new memories in your new home. Home is where the heart is, as the saying goes. How are the rest of your family coping? Are they feeling more positive?

I think this is extremely common. I felt like this when we moved, completely heartbroken about the house and the area and the lifestyle we'd left behind. You need to ride it out and believe that the feeling will pass. But don't expect it to happen quickly, for me it was somewhere between 6 months and a year before I got over it all.

Of course you're feeling sad! You've left your old life, and you haven't yet built a life in your new village. Keep going through the motions, and start taking advantage of everything your new house and village offers you and you will settle in, and be as happy as you were in the old house.

Can you not look at it as a new chapter in your life. Are your husband and daughters happy?

As everyone else says, it’s completely and utterly 100% normal.

Give yourself grace. You’ll come to love your house and make it home in time.

Get a big bunch of flowers, just because. Put them where you’ll see them most. Remind yourself this is all new, but beautiful and your feelings (like the flowers) will change.

Im so sorry everyone as I don’t quite know how to reply to individual messages on this forum (always lurked but never posted!)

To those that said they have been there before-thank you for your understanding and I’m so glad you’re all feeling better. Wishing you all so much happiness for the future.

To the poster that recently moved due to landlord moving friends in-I’m heartbroken for you and so sorry you feel the way you do but please know this is temporary-you will absolutely feel better in time xxxx

To the poster that said my feelings are likely due to having my babies in my old house-you are so right. It’s forced me to go through so many memories etc all associated with my babies and forced me to confront the fact they’re not little anymore sooner than I would have liked to. It’s been such an emotional process, mostly due to my children and the memories associated with them. Thank you so much for understanding xxx

My Husband has also felt the move, but he is a much more practical personality than I am. I have to say he’s been great and understanding, though I do feel he probably thinks I should be getting over it a bit. He’s doing his best to be understanding though so I cannot fault him.

The kids are absolutely fine. Loving their new rooms and I have joined them up to local clubs that they have tried and enjoyed so far. It seems it’s just me struggling and I’m trying so hard to not let it filter down to everyone else

This is really normal. I just stripped wallpaper and cried for the first month in our new house. We've been here a little over a year now and I feel back to normal.

Op l moved to a different house in tymhe same road and felt like this - l hate change so can only imagine how you are feeling x

I think it's very common @MamaMilli

Certainly, for me, anyway.

I moved house 10 years ago. Needed somewhere nearer a city. Was miserable at first. That passed, liked the new house, but would still pine for the old house and town. We all did. Would always talk fondly about great the old house and town were.

We then moved again two years ago. Back to rural living again. Did the exact same thing. Suddenly it was the house near the city we desperately missed and would talk fondly off.

I think it's just human nature. Maybe not for all people, but for some.

You will be grand. Congrats on your new home!!!

@trekking1, that's so sad. Did you have a lease? I'm not sure your landlord was allowed to do that?

We had to move because the landlord wanted to sell. We are renting a horrible place - that is 400 pounds more expensive a month. It's inconvenient in so many ways. But we had to make hard decisions. I completely understand and I feel like I've let my family down - because I made the decision. I keep telling myself it's not forever - things will get better - and we are luckier than most, but I understand x

Thank you to you all for sharing your experiences, and for the reassurance that it will pass. For now I will ride the feelings out, focus on the kids and try to do small things to cheer myself up a bit. Hopefully by the time we are putting our first Christmas tree up here, it feels like home 🤞🤞

Ahh OP this is common feeling esp with all your memories there. How about you focus on the things you can do now, like paint the walls, do stuff in the garden, invite people over- so you're making it your own and making new memories?
Maybe start with the DC bedrooms given they're settling well already- you sound like you put them first so making them delighted might make you feel better? Even cushions and fairy lights can change the feeling of a room.
Remember it's a new exciting chapter and it's all progress for your DC.
You'll be loving it before you know it :)

Hi there, just wanted to check in and see how you were doing? (Finally figured out how to respond to people individually 🤣😬)

I hope you are okay. Hang on in there, I hope you know that you matter so, so much and are absolutely not worthless. You have fallen foul of a completely unscrupulous landlord and it is absolutely not your fault xx