To feel awful my three year old misses out such a lot

[ifeelbadno]

And he does, as I have another child who is only just 1 but is so so needy and (for want of a better word) demanding. Has to be carried, won’t even sit in high chair. My older child just literally doesn’t get a look in. I know things will straighten out as they get older but right now I feel so bad.

Presumably the oldest child had you all to himself for the first couple of years though? So it's equal really.

Oldest child privilege is real - they are more likely to be high earners and CEOs for example. What might seem like a disadvantage to you could actually be an advantage for later in life - more independence, more responsibility, etc. I really wouldn't beat yourself up over this unnecessarily!

Firstly as rightly said, he had you exclusively for 2 years. And secondly you have the choice whether to react immediately to your younger child - refusing to be in the high chair can be easily sorted by it being non negotiable, mine had to sit in theirs while I cooked, no option, they learn and so on. Sometimes we have to just say no to them

Where is dad?

This is where he is supposed to step up and ensure oldest is getting adequate attention.

He can’t when he isn’t here, though. He’s great when he is.

It’s hard OP. We aren’t supposed to do this alone.

Do you have both at home with you all the time? DC1 (just turned 4) goes to pre school 9-3. I’m just finishing up mat leave with DC2 (12 months). I spend 9-3 filling DC2s cup with 1:1 attention…but then between 3-8pm I have a low threshold for leaving DC2 to fuss to give DC1 some attention. Of course if he needs a nappy change or feeding then I do that. But if it’s not a true need then he takes lower priority these hours.

If your 1 year old wants to be held can you pop them in a carrier on your back and go out?

Stick 1 year old in a sling if he wants to be carried everywhere.

I’ve recently gone back to work @VivaVivaa . I do three days a week so for the other two they are with me but I do feel like DS gets the rough end of the stick. The one year old is just so needy - I know that sounds horrible and I don’t mean it too of course! The thing she likes best is to stand clinging on to me (she can’t quite stand independently yet.)

I really could do with one to one time with DS and I read him stories every night and swim once a week with him. Doesn’t feel like much though.

Yes - I knew someone would suggest this but I’ve never found it works for me. Awkward babies who are ‘pick me up ,.. no, put me down … oh actually no, pick me up!’