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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

UC and working

43 replies

strugglingto · 17/07/2024 14:44

I have name changed for this to get advice, but I am utterly embarrassed about what I am about to write.

I am a single parent to 6yr old dd. No family or outside help.

I have been on medication for depression and anxiety since 2008. In 2015 I was sent to hospital due to anxiety as my heart rate was through the roof.

I am still suffering with this largely. I am not living, but rather existing.

Before my daughter was born, I worked full time. Since she was born, I have worked 16 hours a week.

My anxiety and depression has worsened over the years. I have now gotten to the stage where I cannot do the shopping, I don't cook. My house is a building site/tip and I just cannot cope. I am constantly exhausted. I just cannot get on top of anything no matter how hard I try.

I have put on 2 st since covid and suffered a terrible bout of health anxiety.

This is the worst bit, I no longer take care of myself. I don't bathe for sometimes weeks on end or change my clothes. I sleep in the clothes I am wearing that day. I know this sounds disgusting and I am utterly ashamed.

Universal credit are not asking me to look for more work or a different job. Having put in the plan that I can work monday to friday. There is just no way I could do this. I am struggling to cope with working 16 hrs at the moment. I am now having meetings asking me over and over to look for more work. I jst feel I cannot do this in my current mental state.

Any advice on this would be much appreciated.

OP posts:
KurtCobainLover · 17/07/2024 14:47

I was in a similar situation and was signed off by the GP for three months whilst I waiting for the community mental health to help. This triggered a work capability assessment with UC and I was awarded limited capability for work which meant I no longer had to look for work.

Original poster
strugglingto · 17/07/2024 14:48

What did the community mental health do if you don't mind me asking?

I don't even want to contact the GP at this point. I think I have tried every medication there is. Some I can't take due to other conditions. I have upped doses, lowered doses. I feel a little better for a few weeks then just slump again.

OP posts:
Nonametonight · 17/07/2024 14:51

Put in fit notes to be assessed for lcw/Ra on UC so you aren't expected to look for work.

Also read the pip descriptors and have a think about whether it's worth you applying for pip too

Summermightbegreat · 17/07/2024 14:53

You can get a sick note from the GP and then that triggers the limited capacity for work and work related activity assessment. İf you get put onto this you'll either be free from commitments or just have to go to the odd meeting here and there. Write everything honestly on the form like you have done here. You can just get a telephone call from the GP and ask for a sick note for depression and anxiety. I know you don't want to but it's the only way through unless you miraculously heal overnight.

mitogoshi · 17/07/2024 14:54

Uc credit will trigger increased work requirements based on the age of your child automatically unless you seek medical exemption, I know you don't want to go to your gp but you will need medical evidence as to why you cannot work 5 days a week during school hours (25 hours). Write into your uc journal that you are struggling with your mental health and they can trigger an assessment (this was my friends job, they are not the bad guys, but they can't help you if they don't know)

MissUltraViolet · 17/07/2024 14:56

You need to try and tackle all this one little step at a time.

First step - UC and the job centre. They will keep pushing you to look for more work and calling you in for appointments and it sounds like that is currently the last thing you need to be dealing with. You will need to see your GP, you need to explain to them, if they don't already know, how bad things are. You need to get signed off and you need to take the fit notes/medical certificate (or whatever they are called now) into the job centre and keep doing so until it triggers a work capability assessment.

They should also back off a bit whilst you are handing in the notes until the assessment.

I don't doubt going to the GP is something you want to do but I promise it'll be easier than dealing with the job centre and in the long run it will help you.

user1468867181 · 17/07/2024 15:02

If you are working 16 hours or more a week I don't think that you can be referred for a work capability assessment unless you receive PIP. It might be worth considering applying for PIP as if this is awarded you can then request a work capability assessment if your GP issues a fit note. However you can ask that your claimant commitment be reduced due to ill health. I have supported a client in a similar position and after she wrote a note on her journal and submitted a fit note from her GP her claimant commitment was changed. This means that she can continue to work for 16 hours without being in her words "hounded" by her work coach and facing a possible sanction.

TwoBlueFish · 17/07/2024 15:06

First step is to talk to your GP, get a fit note to submit to UC and tell the HP honestly about what’s going on with you. This should hopefully trigger some additional help.

Therealjudgejudy · 17/07/2024 15:10

First step, contact your gp.

Im sorry to hear what you are going through, but it really sounds like you should be sighned off while you access the help you need.

Beezknees · 17/07/2024 15:14

You need to contact your GP and get a sick note. They won't just take your word for it that you're too unwell to work, and they won't stop harassing you to look for more work unless you get a sick note.

KurtCobainLover · 17/07/2024 15:15

strugglingto · 17/07/2024 14:48

What did the community mental health do if you don't mind me asking?

I don't even want to contact the GP at this point. I think I have tried every medication there is. Some I can't take due to other conditions. I have upped doses, lowered doses. I feel a little better for a few weeks then just slump again.

The mental health were amazing. They played about with my meds until I had something that worked and also gave me a support worker who would come round regularly to talk to me and encourage me to leave the house and to wash. It took awhile but I’m much better now and able to cope more easily. I still have to be careful about taking on too much but I’m back at work and looking after the kids (at my worst they went to stay at their dads for 3 weeks whilst I waited for my new meds to kick in).

I know it’s hard but speak to your GP so get signed off and ask for a referral to the mental health team.

murasaki · 17/07/2024 15:17

Please speak to the GP, you need to get well for yourself and your child. So that might mean not working for a bit, working on yourself and your home instead. Both of you need and deserve it.

Original poster
strugglingto · 17/07/2024 15:56

mitogoshi · 17/07/2024 14:54

Uc credit will trigger increased work requirements based on the age of your child automatically unless you seek medical exemption, I know you don't want to go to your gp but you will need medical evidence as to why you cannot work 5 days a week during school hours (25 hours). Write into your uc journal that you are struggling with your mental health and they can trigger an assessment (this was my friends job, they are not the bad guys, but they can't help you if they don't know)

Should I write this now before seeing GP? I just don't want it to look like I'm just doing this now because they have asked me to look for more work. I have been struggling to work the 16. There have been numerous times I have thought I can't carry on with it and thought about getting signed off for a bit but have carried on going. I don't want to not work at all as I think that would be worse.

OP posts:
Original poster
strugglingto · 17/07/2024 15:58

I do worry too about them getting social services involved if they think I am not coping.

OP posts:
Original poster
strugglingto · 17/07/2024 15:58

I do however feed and look after my daughter.

OP posts:
DaftyLass · 17/07/2024 16:01

If you aren't looking after yourself, your hygiene, your house then maybe it is time to ask social services for some help. That can't be nice for you or your child to be in that situation.
Then to the doctor and ask to try a different med/different dose until you find the right one.
Then you have a much better chance at being able to manage a job with more hours

murasaki · 17/07/2024 16:06

Your daughter will want to have friends round, I think if you can view Social Services as help not judgment, it.might be good. Reframe it.

LadyFeatheringt0n · 17/07/2024 16:21

It sounds like you are overwhelmed.

Can you give yourself some micro goals? Just one. One at a time.

So for example - tonights goal might be to take clothes off before going to sleep. Don't think about pyjamas or anything - just break it into small steps. As small as taking off just trousers?

LadyFeatheringt0n · 17/07/2024 16:22

Also - see if your employer offers any support. Lots of companies now offer mental health support and have helplines or champions available who can support you

LadyFeatheringt0n · 17/07/2024 16:24

If you look after your daughter, do you run her a bath? Get in it after her. Its a start in terms of getting yourself clean and cared for. If you can even rinse your hair in the water its a start.

murasaki · 17/07/2024 16:27

Kindly, if you're not washing, your employer will have noticed. Good idea to get in the bath after your daughter.

Original poster
strugglingto · 17/07/2024 16:30

Thankfully I currently work from home.

I am going to have to try to call the gp tomorrow but haven't really a clue how to start with what to say.

OP posts:
murasaki · 17/07/2024 16:32

Ah right.. that's both good and bad, in that support might have been signposted earlier but you've avoided colleagues commenting.

Just say to the GP what you've said here. They are there to help. If you think of it as doing it for your daughter, does that help?

LostTheMarble · 17/07/2024 16:34

strugglingto · 17/07/2024 14:44

I have name changed for this to get advice, but I am utterly embarrassed about what I am about to write.

I am a single parent to 6yr old dd. No family or outside help.

I have been on medication for depression and anxiety since 2008. In 2015 I was sent to hospital due to anxiety as my heart rate was through the roof.

I am still suffering with this largely. I am not living, but rather existing.

Before my daughter was born, I worked full time. Since she was born, I have worked 16 hours a week.

My anxiety and depression has worsened over the years. I have now gotten to the stage where I cannot do the shopping, I don't cook. My house is a building site/tip and I just cannot cope. I am constantly exhausted. I just cannot get on top of anything no matter how hard I try.

I have put on 2 st since covid and suffered a terrible bout of health anxiety.

This is the worst bit, I no longer take care of myself. I don't bathe for sometimes weeks on end or change my clothes. I sleep in the clothes I am wearing that day. I know this sounds disgusting and I am utterly ashamed.

Universal credit are not asking me to look for more work or a different job. Having put in the plan that I can work monday to friday. There is just no way I could do this. I am struggling to cope with working 16 hrs at the moment. I am now having meetings asking me over and over to look for more work. I jst feel I cannot do this in my current mental state.

Any advice on this would be much appreciated.

Don’t be ashamed. There are a lot of people in your position, either suffering with mental health or burnout from being ND. It’s not uncommon and you’re not alone. First step is recognition, which you are doing. To move forward you need to ask for help, maybe a support worker. I’d look at applying for pip if you can evidence that you are struggling with self care. This doesn’t mean you’re on benefits forever, if you can accept help then you can look at rebuilding yourself to the point where you can manage with work again.

In the meantime, do you have any motivators? Obviously your daughter, but little things? I have (undiagnosed) ADHD and my life/house can sometimes fall into chaos. The way I deal with it is to give myself extreme deadlines but treat myself when it’s done - even if it’s a slice of cake from the bakery! So if I blitz the living room I tell myself I’ve earned a couple of hours watching Netflix without that nagging guilt voice in my head. Little steps, but do ask for help because it will build a better life for you and your daughter.

Miley1967 · 17/07/2024 16:35

You need to be earning less than 16x nmw a week before you can be assessed for limited capability for work. So it will depend what you are earning really. The exemption to this is if you have PIP in place. To stand a chance of being awarded you will really need to have medical evidence to support the extent of your difficulties and be receiving help from specialist MH professionals.