My son is currently with his dad and grandmother (other threads on this) and i am im going through court seeking his return. He left for school one day when i suffered a health event and needed a series of operations. It was to he respite, but when i was ready for his return, his grandmother lead father into fighting for residency of my son. I didnt have much of a chance (narcs & dv & family court, if you know, you know) and as i suspected the dv continues by way of only allowing me to access my son in a contact crntr until recently.
we are now unsupervised for days out but our bond had markedly changed. Heres the thing. He was told i was unwell but then as i recovered, it was clear i was better but i couldnt answer his tricky questions. We agreed a story in court that i was unwell and when i became better daddy thought it was better you lived with him incase mummy got unwell again. They havent told him this because they are afraid i think of hun being angry and resentful of them, given he doesnt want to live with them.
i havent a clue what he has been told. About why he went to stay with daddy and hasnt come home randomly. Why hes had to see mummy in a room with a stranger for such a long time. Why mummy hands hum over to a stranger outside a contact crntre ( ex is claiming to be victim of my non existent dv to him and forces me to pay £60 for a supervisor to hand him between us out of sight of each other) actually thats wrong, daddy doesnt do handovers and didnt do any pick and drops to contact centre. He also doesnt attend any meetings and appeared in court via video link with a screen to protect him from me …
grandmother is in full control. I dont mind too much (save the expenses esp with cost of living) as grandmother is a habitual trouble maker, she lies excessively in order to keep me from my son and making allegations so much so a MARAC was held because of it.
i feel this is less about our son and more about power and control and the fear of my son rejecting them when he finds out that his grandmother lead the way in keeping him from his mummy. I am (in grandmothers words) my sons world and she knows he wants to be with me desperately yet she only allowed an hour a week for 8 months and now i have 3 hours EOW all of whuch is controlled by her (hence court).
She wont allow me to do reading with our son who is in reception, attend assemblies or sports days. She has PR with dad and i. She put on a performance about how important it is for my son to see me etc and all she asked for is to he sure my health os stable. On account of this no legal parenting tme was made. Of course nothing she said (eow midweek holidays) has happened.
i feel in the dark with my son and he clearly seems to be struggling. I can feel he doesnt seem as comfortable with me and the tricky why’s remain.
i dont know what to say to him and i cant ask them anymore than i have (via an app that only grandmother uses) as she refuses to discuss it.
if they feel theyve made the right decision i feel they need to stand by it snd own it. Explain sometimes grown ups do things little ones dont want but thats the job of a grown up, to make decisions they think are best because they love you so much.
but they havent. And i want to be able to be honest and adhere to what we had all agreed in court. But in afraid to do that because if i do, she has the power to remove what little time i have with him.
on their terms, he will grow up thinking i am not well, so unwell i cannot have him live with me. She wont allow him to spend time with me in his own home and he hasnt seen our dog or his bedroom, toys, our nursery friends, for over a year now.
i am in therapy and thought to ask them, but is it better to ignore his questions and allow him to think whatever it is he has been told or do i stick to the order snd gently explain the above withiut blaming his ‘grown ups’?
is anyone familiar with any UK based psychotherapists who specialise in child development, child emotions? Re inevitable questiosn re background, its too outing so i just ask that you trust in what i say, and that family court is very very keen on dads when they DARVO when dv is raised and alienation from protecting my son from dv.