Peri does not necessarily mean weight gain [Content warning added by MNHQ: mentions eating disorders]

[irisetta]

Precursor - I have always struggled with eating disorders. Anorexia, bulimia, a weird spitting one that psychiatrists still struggle to classify 20 years later, that's me. The thing that has absolutely saved me is exercise. Running (or jogging) a slow 5k 4-5 times a week, weight training 3 times a week, Pilates twice a week. At 44 I'm trimmer and fitter than I've ever been. I am still struggling with eating disorders though. And that's with 2 kids. Both ND (like me). I'm terrified of passing my disorder to them. They are bright, intelligent kids.

My AIBU -

AIBU - YES Peri DOES mean weight gain, unless you are a disordered nutter like yourself

NAIBU - You can actually not get fat when you hit perimenopause, without being all disordered and crazy, you weirdo

IBU - Yeah we all get fat in the end, deal with it

YABU (and a disordered nutter, obviously) because you removed the poll.

But, yeah, most women gain weight during menopause. Some don't, but the majority of them will still get weight redistribution.

If you can keep up your intensive workout regime while your hormones fuck around, you may be able to control your body shape. Most of us get too knackered to maintain, plus we stop giving as many shits about having a "10" body. Different body = excuse to buy new clothes 😏

Eating disorders are a pain in the arse. You never know, yours might ease off when your hormone balance changes - all sorts of odd things happen! Fingers crossed for you.

Presumably you can just walk around and see if there are any skinny 45+ year olds?

😂 Don't be so sensible!

At 44 you've barely touched the sides of peri. You have possibly another 10 years of this! You're on the right track with exercise but it gets harder and harder, I don't think you can outrun it unfortunately. Given your history it's definitely worth thinking about some more - you're probably going to get bigger over the next decade if you can't safely cut calories (and probably carbs).

I've actually found it very diffcult to get my food intake down to where it needs to be (at 52yo) without being a bit obsessive and disordered about it, I'm afraid.

Hi OP I've had an eating disorder and really don't eat properly now but my bloods and energy are good so nosjor worried.
I do weights and walk 3 miles a day to work and I'm a size 10.i had to get a couple of things in a 12 as the waistline still goes.
I think meno does change us.Some more than others but I'm almost 58 so I don't care as much so long as I'm healthy.

Dunno, I’m 46, and I bore myself with how obsessive I have to be to stay thin. I’m constantly thinking about food and eating - what did I eat yesterday? How much I am therefore “allowed” to eat today? Can I have breakfast or do I need to fast? How much more exercise do I need to do to “earn” that thing I shouldn’t have eaten?

It’s like my brain never shuts up. I’m trying to focus on health rather weight these days, which I think is helping, but in general I’d rather like my vanity to go away and let me focus on just enjoying my life instead of worrying about what I look like - it hasn’t happened yet though. I do know, objectively, that there are much more important things, but I can’t seem to let it go.

I wish I knew. I am 48. Have spent the last year on a diet and have got myself down to 9 stone ish. I am dreading the day that I start putting on the weight. I have to eat certain foods and have health problems which means I struggle with movement. So not sure I will be able to change much when it happens.

I'm 44 and have not gained weight BUT I am eating less as my calorie requirement has clearly dropped.

I wouldn't have time to do all that exercise. I do kickboxing twice a week and once or twice if time to the gym.

It gets harder to shift/maintain, but I found my peri symptoms were better if I could keep my weight under control, I’m through the other side now and at a happy weight, I’m able to maintain it as long as I don’t eat rubbish, I can have occasional treat but did have tendency to binge , my eating always has been slightly disordered but I always have a family meal every day,

That’s a lot of exercise. Do you have an FT job? I agree that exercise is a big part of staying in control without giving up everything you enjoy eating/drinking but I have only been able to do that after massively changing my job and hours, and it’s less that you - 5k run 3 or 4 x per week and/or weights at the same or 500m swim. Meno weight I gained during sedentary, stressful job in my 40s still not gone but I definitely notice the difference. How do you manage that much?

Im nearly 50 and the same size I was in my 20s, possibly thinner - weigh 10 stone exactly and am 5’10. It can be done, I still eat quite a lot but it’s all really healthy and i don’t drink. I exercise a lot too (daily, without fail - running, spinning, weights) , but I really enjoy it and I love the feeling of throwing on whatever clothes I like and they always fit well and look good. I refuse to give in and lose my waist. I just eat well (and normally Eg toast for breakfast, nothing fancy) but don’t really eat any cakes, biscuits, etc - basically junk that makes you fat. I get annoyed when people say ‘but that’s boring’ - not as boring as no clothes fitting and feeling crap, surely?

I don't think weight gain is inevitable. There's got to be some measure of genetics involved as well. Perhaps I am biased as none of the women in my family gained weight at that point, nor did I. What did put weight on me was getting hypothyroidism at 60 yrs old, but now that is better managed I've lost the weight again. I have never been into exercise or calorie counting, but do have a small appetite. Looking around me though I do see many women put weight on as they reach menopause, so I expect I'm an outlier.

Sorry to hear this @WeneedSamVimesonthecase . It’s awful to get stuck fixating. I really don’t think you are alone though. I think the women who go through menopause and keep their pre-menopausal figure really do have you obsess from what I observe.

Myself I have to wonder if it really is worth it, given we don’t actually look 25 ( or even 35) forever no matter what we do. It’s not honestly like at 55 you are going to be smoking even if a size 8. You can be thin, but that’s it. In fact it seems to me the women who age fastest in some ways are the ones who don’t “ soften up” a little. They can look quite wizened, I’d say be a bit kind and realistic to yourself. Joining in with family meals etc is such a joy. I was really struck by Michael Moseley’s death. I know his focus was health not vanity which is a bit different, but it did throw into perspective to me that eating ( aka dieting) because we imagine it will see us live to a grand old age is a flawed philosophy. The trick has to be live to the full and be happy. There’s no point being a size 8 in your coffin after spending the years obsessing about your waist. I mean this kindly as we all have to reset perspective at times. If it’s interfering with you just getting on with life, it’s time to loosen up. Of course there is a balance. There’s also nothing gained by ballooning to a huge size.

Well you already have disordered eating, so you will presumably continue to do that and that will control your weight. Your body shape will change (although again all your exercise will help) but you probably won't gain much, because you have an eating disorder.

The only women I know who haven't gained weight in their 40s are those who were already obsessive about food and exercise, or who started being obsessive to lose the peri weight gain.

I haven’t gained weight at all but I still measure bigger. It’s annoying. My ankles have thickened and I look awful in shoes - butt it’s not fat so there’s nothing I can do about it.

This is true from my observations too. I do believe nature intends a slight gain.

I‘m sure it can be done. But frankly, I don’t want to obsess about every morsel that passes my lips and I don’t want to spend all my spare time exercising.

How I feel too.

And I know several women who have made themselves ill trying - mentally and physically. I guess that has really put me off. One is so thin ( probably no different from her teens/ twenties but it no longer looks natural/appropriate) and she just looks so sad and miserable.

Opposite of weight gain for me....So far Ive lost 7 and a half stone during peri (half a stone to go!).
I spent my whole adult life with depression, mood swings and binge eating disorder, thinking that it was just my personality. Turned out I had PMDD and now my hormones are settling I have a completely different and much happier personality!
I do eat very healthy and exercise alot but TBH its just what I like to do now so no real effort involved. Although I think your body shape does change (at least for most people). My waist has def gotten thicker, but I was very curvy to start with so I still do have some waist left!

I was a 6/ 24 jeans size pre pregnancies and I’m not at all short, just naturally fine boned in my youth. There is no way I could maintain that now ( mid 40’s) without a) obsessing and b) looking drawn and haggard!

I think it's genetic and luck mixed together.. I have insulin resisitance. Apparently very common in peri menapause. I put on 25kg running half and full marathons, and going to the gym. That was calorie counting, clean eating, macro counting and every thing else inbetween to try and get the weight off. It wasn't from lack of trying or eating bad. My bloods were saying i was going to have a heart attack and i was pre-diabetic. On medication and now lost over 26kg, and only do pilates or walk. We don't hyper focus on it in our house as we did have a daughter with an eating disorder, i had to be very careful loosing the weight with her around.

I’m glad this has stabilised- and well done for prioritising your DD’s health/ mh.

I struggle to maintain a bmi of 19 in peri. I weight train but don't do cardio. I read that it is the loss of muscle as we age that causes women to gain weight as we age. Through weight training I have increased the calories I can eat without gaining weight from 1600 to 2000 a day. I eat everything other than ultra processed food (I include added sugar, white flour and white rice) in that category and I limit bread other than rye.

Hormones are also key, I am on hrt which probably helps.

I am someone who is prone to weight gain, and have noticed no particular difference in peri. I was larger than this postpartum and during the baby / toddler days. I am a fairly effortless size 10 / 12 in my late 40s, which is fine for my height and build, and I don't restrict my eating. I've been slimmer than this, but only by starving myself and exercising a psychotic amount.

Well as we age we need less calories, peri or no peri. You don’t have to gain weight if you eat no more than your maintenance calories daily. If you eat what you like, don’t weigh yourself and suddenly announce you’ve gained a stone due to peri then you’re going to gain. As we get older it’s harder to lose weight as our bodies requirements change, so if you don’t want to gain you need to pay close attention to weight without going OTT. I’m 47, have some peri symptoms and have gained this year, as I had a leg injury but now I’m losing it. If I don’t watch what I eat, I gain so easily being so short in height