Anyone else noticing the uptick in open hostility towards people with ASD?

[FFSakeDrinkSake]

As the title says. It feels like it's open season recently. In the last few weeks alone I've seen many threads questioning the validity of Asd, the credentials of those diagnosing the condition, the 'explosion' of diagnosis', the 'fact' that you qualify for extra benefits if you are autistic and/or have ADHD, the apparent drain on resources kids with ASD have on the educational sector depriving others and most recently the idea that someone (self diagnosed) can 'outgrow' autism. Most of which contain the worst misinformation about what we're trying to deal with on a daily basis and making it sound like we're just trying to .. i dont even know tbh.. scam our way through life?

Disclaimer NATAAT.

There's two things here though: Autism is not a parenting issue. However, sometimes behavior issues caused by parenting are blamed on autism when either (1) the child isn't autistic or (2) issues could be reduced (but not eradicated) by better parenting.

On (1) with greater awareness, impact of lack of socialization during Covid and growing use of screens with younger children combined with the high bar for an NHS assessment, and ridiculously long waitlist, the group of parents who say (and generally genuinely believe) that their child is autistic when that hasn't been formally assessed by a professional is naturally growing. Not all of these children are actually autistic. Practically, that means the group of parents claiming their children are autistic when they're not is also growing. I'm not sure how this is solved given the issues around diagnosis, but it is a problem. I know someone who has a child with significant mental health and behavioral issues, who insists he's autistic. The child has been assessed on the NHS 3 times now (as I said significant issues) and he's not autistic. Autism is just (for various reasons) an easier diagnosis for the parents to accept than alternatives (and I'm not suggesting that is necessarily a parenting issue either).

On (2) not all parents of autistic children do what @Morph22010 does, because it's incredibly hard and parents are human. The autism isn't caused by the parenting (no refrigerator mothers rubbish), but a lot of hard work and dedication can sometimes make it less apparent to outsiders (whether or not that should have to be the case is an entirely different topic). That's not to say I blame parents of autistic children for their behavior - as I said not everyone actually has the time, or strength to do what @Morph22010. I don't think I could do it myself.

(and just to clarify - I agree autistic doesn't necessarily mean badly behaved in public - plenty of autistic children don't have externally obvious behavior issues. That's not part of the diagnostic criteria and in fact I'd say that this is one of the bigger public misconceptions)

I agree, for me (my dc and I are diagnosed). I just don’t think that not having a diagnosis should be used to dismiss people.

What there is an ‘explosion’ of, is the amount of people who think their uneducated opinions have value and are therefore over confident in expressing them online. Other people then take these opinions as fact because they align with their own bias and repeat them.
Then you get the same old sayings as ‘it’s a trend’, ‘diagnosis are bought’, ‘it’s just bad parenting’ etc.
Unless you’ve actually been through getting diagnosed, living with undiagnosed autism, trying to raise a child with autism, or are actually a professional in the field, then you probably know very little about the subject.

Completely agree - I have autistic friends who have chosen not to go for diagnosis because they don't see the need. I don't doubt their self-assessment or their 'rights' to call themselves autistic.

As you can probably tell, I don't feel the same way if the 'diagnosis' is coming from the parent and not the autistic person themselves. But I do think the length of waiting lists makes it very difficult if you believe your child is autistic but they haven't been assessed yet. I'm lucky that I could afford private assessment for my kids and so know (and I said I was wrong on one!)

My dc receive lower mobility and high / middle rate care, so not SMI criteria.

I’m sorry that my analogy felt dismissive of your child’s needs. Two of my dc are unable to attend mainstream school (no learning disability) so I do empathise.

I actually would say the same if I or my dc were in a wheelchair, deaf, etc. The deaf community for example can be very vocal about not wishing to cure or eliminate deafness. For me, autism isn’t an illness, it’s human variation, but remains a disability, and I only speak for myself there.

The child would probably have been sent to an asylum or died young.

'Vicious cycle with gentle parenting'? You really don't know what you're talking about.

It’s certainly not a ‘lifestyle choice’ but then neither is sexuality!

I agree 100%

For me, autism isn’t a separate condition that could be cured or removed, it’s who I am, so couldn’t be removed without making me an entirely different person, and I like being me.

I do wish at times that life was more straightforward for my dc, and for us as a family, but again i couldn’t wish their neurodivergence away without wishing for a different child, and i don’t wish that. I feel that life will become easier by understanding themselves and their brains, and living the life that suits them, rather than by changing their neurotype.

I accept that others with ND families might feel differently or have a different perspective. But don’t assume that either I or my dc don’t experience any challenges as a result of neurodivergence, because that really isn’t the case.

My son would either have killed himself, gone insane, or, best case scenario, become a monk or hermit.

I suspect a lot of monks were autistic. Rigid structure to the day, limited responsibilities, devotion to interest area, few social or interactive skills required - not saying all autistic people are like that, but it would have been a complete sanctuary to my son. He would probably have chosen a silent order.

Why are people obsessed with buying a diagnosis? What does any professional gain from this aside from a huge risk of loosing their career and a bloody good salary? They take the money whether they diagnose or not.

Most people also aren't going to pay £2k+ unless they're very very certain they are actually ND.

Can I buy a broken leg at a private hospital so I can make my husband run around after our spratts for the next 6 weeks please?

It's very rare to actually be able to buy a diagnosis. For ADHD in particular, you absolutely can choose a less thorough assesment process (often not even knowingly as they will also be cheaper normally) and can provide the 'right' answers. I don't think many parents do those consciously, but if you're being asked 'how often questions' the exact same behaviour can exhibit different answers from different people. Eg "how hard is it to focus on a homework assignment". Most parents don't know what's age normal (and actually most children don't either!). I still am really concerned I did this about myself on my ADHD assessment.

@LlamaNoDrama
Exactly. We've a constant 9-12 month waiting list. We get paid whether we give a diagnosis or not (we require full payment before the outcome is given).

We are bound by Hcpc and other regulatory bodies. Myself and my colleagues are ethical clinicians. If results are inconclusive, we have on occasions offered to review in 6months/12months. We never give a diagnosis if there is doubt.

no one ever reports all these so called dodgy clinicians either @circular2478

I can see my dc as a monk - asexual, predictable schedule, someone else to worry about practicalities, shared understanding of right and wrong, could spend days in silence perfecting a manuscript in a scriptorium, non-demanding social environment. It would be bliss.

No they dont as they are often making money off their channels.

The same with instagram

@WaitingForMojo that was quote a balanced response and while you and I don't agree, I do respect your opinion and your right to hold it. Best wishes to you and your family.

It's pretty obvious why this young person has burnt out.

Sure ADHD was also mentioned in the first replies so I was referring to that.

And to you, I’m genuinely sorry that I offended you.

Why is it abelist? Dd is a very competent young adult. Intelligent, articulate, social, interesting. She can do much more than she has done the last 2 years, but when she doesn't fancy something hides behind her dx.

For instance, I ask that she does something domestic at home like clean the bathroom. Invariably it takes her all day because she is either 'overwhelmed, exhausted, can't focus, feels dizzy/anxious'. However if one of her mates calls to go out somewhere all of a sudden she is fine. At uni she had a module she loved. All work handed in on time, high marks etc. Modules she didn't enjoy, assessments handed in late, lower marks. Seminars she enjoyed she turned up for, ones she didn't she went once and never again.

I completely understand that she deals with unpleasant things differently due to her dx, but she is far from being incapable. Things are more difficult for her, but not impossible as she claims. If she was as hindered by her dx as she claims she is, she would be hindered for everything. No one enjoys doing things they don't enjoy. But unfortunately everyone had to do shit they don't want to do.

And it is people cherry picking how their dx affects them that makes people eye roll about it. I saw it with the students on my degree course, I see it with dd. Dd had an absolutely horrendously bad experience at uni, for various reasons and was unsupported with her dx. But she could have done more to help herself in many ways. She can't help being dyslexic for instance. But didn't even try the various tools now available to help dyslexia. She has auditory processing and struggled to take things in so just stopped attending lectures. If she had attended and then used the lecture recording she could have taken more in. She was very capable of writing decent essays, but chose to use energy to socialise then was complaining she was too tired to work.

A dx is not a sick note, it is a way for people to get help, but also understand how best to help themselves. If you know that as a person with adhd you are going to struggle to focus for 4 hours, then make sure you leave time to do smaller chunks. If you know you have 3 essays due in 6 weeks and won't be able to do them all in the last week because of your dx then split them up. Instead dd, and other students I have observed, seem almost surprised they still have to do the same amount of work as a NT student.

It's that assumption that their 'specialness' is a get out of jail free card. Support doesn't mean supporting them to not do something that needs to be done. Support should be helping them do what everyone else needs to do, even if the way they do it is slightly different.

It wasn't why she burned out at all. She didn't burn out, she was seriously sexually assaulted, probably raped, by another student.

Don't make assumptions about something you have no idea about.