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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Rude neighbours!!!!

19 replies

whatdoido1234512345 · 16/07/2024 23:27

So I'm a longtime member on MN, but I've name changed as I don't want this linked to my normal posts incase I out myself 🙈

I live in a very small block of flats, talking 3 grounds, 7 flats.
I love where I live. I've lived here a few years and never had any issues. Everyone has always been really considerate and quiet... that was until the upstairs neighbour our got a boyfriend.
He's a proper chav, looks like he's late 30s/early 40s. I don't have a relationship with the neighbour, I'll say hello to her in passing but that's it. She has a few young children.

This BF has been about a few months, they've had a few rows in the stairs which I've just turned a blind eye to, but it's getting worse. Every night this week he's been sat in the stairs smoking (no idea what's going on with our smoke alarm!!) on the phone really loud until about midnight!!

The thing is, I'm a single parent and a young child in our home. He's so loud and they slam the door shut they've woke my child up a few times! I'm also really scared at the thought of walking up to my door and him just being sat on the stairs seeing me going in alone at night time.
Also fed up of the noise! It's just SO rude!!!!

I could report my concerns to the estate manager (which is the council) but I'm to scared it coming back on me. I'm quite nervous and ever since the absolutely heartbreaking story of Sarah everad I worry so much about my safety and have anxiety about this kind of thing!

What would you guys do in this situation?
Before anyone says move.... it's not an option! Please don't say that! Not chatty with my other neighbours to talk about this and also don't want anyone to know it bothers me!

OP posts:
HaveAWordWithYerselfWouldYa · 16/07/2024 23:31

Not sure you have left posters with many options to tell you!

You dont want to talk to them due to safety concerns
You dont want to talk to you other neighbours
You dont want to move
You dont want to tell the landlords in case it come back to you

What DO you want to do about it??

Original poster
whatdoido1234512345 · 16/07/2024 23:36

Huh?
I've just asked what any readers would do? Is that not clear when I asked "what would you guys do"?
The only thing I've said is that I can't do is move.

🤷🏼‍♀️

OP posts:
Devilsmommy · 16/07/2024 23:41

I know it's hard for you but I'd be taking the neighbour to one side and just letting her know that the noise is too much. In a nice way, you haven't got to be aggressive. If she then starts giving you loads of abuse then I'd be calling the council. If you do have to go council route make sure you've got recordings of the noise. Sorry I know it's not great advice but it's all you can do really, well other than live with it but that's not fair on you or your little one is it

shellyleppard · 16/07/2024 23:46

Op if you do report them to the council they will not tell them who complained. All complaints are anonymous. Yes I would report them especially if you are feeling unsafe x

Ponoka7 · 16/07/2024 23:48

Don't speak to her, he won't give a shit. Just report it all. If there are late night arguments, phone the police, this isn't doing her children any good either.

Opinionwontchangeluv · 16/07/2024 23:50

Just nave a word with her

mayorofcasterbridge · 16/07/2024 23:56

Report it. They won't know who did.

Anothnamechang · 17/07/2024 00:05

A ring doorbell or similar? Might deter the arguing/smoking on the stairs? Plus added reassurance for you.

blueberryforest · 17/07/2024 03:02

I wouldn't bother doing her the courtesy of speaking with her first. She knows that what she and her boyfriend do makes life unpleasant for those around them. If she won't change for her own children, she certainly won't change to suit a neighbour.

If reporting her to the council will be kept anonymous, that's what I'd do. Otherwise, you'll could try to wait it out. It doesn't sound like they get along well, so maybe it won't be long before she gives the boyfriend the heave-ho! (Though what are the chances the next one will be any better? She has terrible taste in men, clearly.)

BoobyDazzler · 17/07/2024 07:09

I’d tell them they’re taking the piss.

pilates · 17/07/2024 07:14

I wouldn’t bother speaking to them. They sound the type who won’t give a shit. Try keeping a diary or recordings and then approach the council.

Surprisedmystified · 17/07/2024 07:25

Neighbours really can make your life hell can't they? I've moved house in the past because of neighbour problems but that's never an easy option. And, as in your case, not always an option at all.

I don't think talking to your neighbour would be a good idea as I don't think it will change anything for the good. It might just cause bad feeling between you and her and also possibly bring unwanted attention on to you.

I would though report it to the estate manager ( the council). Apart from the noise nuisance and the intimidation you are feeling there is a real fire hazard with his smoking habits. The council shouldn't reveal the identity of the reporter.

I hope the issue gets sorted OP.

PurpleBugz · 17/07/2024 08:51

Why all the blame going to her? Maybe I'm overly sensitive to this as I've had DV recorded as mutual a fight by the police. You said there never was a problem with her before he came along this is a him problem. If it's possible it's DV call the police every time. If kids are around blazing rows call the police.

You could report to the council he is living there. Possibly he's not paying his way. Possibly he's using her for somewhere to live.

I don't like the comments saying no point talking to her she won't care. There are two people in that flat why we blaming the woman?

ToxicChristmas · 17/07/2024 08:56

I'd just report -they won't know who it is. Do it anonymously if you are worried. You could report the non working smoke alarm for a start.

Surprisedmystified · 17/07/2024 09:02

PurpleBugz · 17/07/2024 08:51

Why all the blame going to her? Maybe I'm overly sensitive to this as I've had DV recorded as mutual a fight by the police. You said there never was a problem with her before he came along this is a him problem. If it's possible it's DV call the police every time. If kids are around blazing rows call the police.

You could report to the council he is living there. Possibly he's not paying his way. Possibly he's using her for somewhere to live.

I don't like the comments saying no point talking to her she won't care. There are two people in that flat why we blaming the woman?

I think it's the feeling that if she does care she possibly will not be really able to do much about it. If she is in a volatile relationship with this guy then her focus will be on other things more important to her than her neighbour's inconvenience.
And as you say she may have concerns about her own safety and won't want to cause potential further problems with her bf over this.

I just feel wary about speaking to neighbours about issues such as OP describes because really you have no idea what reaction you will get. In my experience talking to a neighbour about anti social behaviour made things so much worse I ended up moving.

RachTheAlpaca · 20/07/2024 09:22

Reporting the smoke alarm would be a good start, very selfish of him to smoke there so that everybody else has to breathe in his nasty habit.
Call the police anonymously every time you hear arguing!

amyds2104 · 20/07/2024 09:43

So there’s late night arguments/door slamming which wakes your child in a different but the lady also has children… maybe call the police so they can resolve the arguments so her children and yours are not exposed to them. I get you don’t want to be involved and trying to decide what to do but children don’t have a choice like adults and are relying on people to protect them. Even if police don’t do anything every time it would get logged and start building a picture.

Housing complaints are anonymous. Definitely raise the smoke alarm issue because that’s a massive breach of landlord responsibility if in communal areas!

sorry this is happening to you. Nothing worse than nightmare neighbours.

Getonwitit · 20/07/2024 09:55

Take your neighbour aside and tell her the noise is ridiculous and if it doesn't stop will be calling the council. If she is having her rent paid i bet the DWP doesn't know she has a bloke living with her.

Emmz1510 · 20/07/2024 10:16

Report the broken alarm to the landlord in the first instance. That will be a starting point for you to say to them that someone is smoking, name the person and ask to remain anonymous. That should prompt the landlord to have a word your neighbours (if it doesn’t, ask him/her to speak to them!). Hopefully that will at least lead to him having his loud phone calls outside!
I don’t think having a word with the woman is the worst idea, if you can catch her on her own. Frame it as concern- ‘I’m hearing a of arguments and door slamming and I’m just wondering if you and the kids are alright? It’s loud enough to wake me and my son up’. She might give you short shrift, or she might at the very least tell her partner ‘her upstairs is moaning about the noise’.
If none of that works yes, report. Especially any loud domestics when you know kids are present.

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