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Original poster

DD1 seemingly scared of baby sibling

27 replies

Purtyburty · 16/07/2024 16:53

Posting here for traffic and looking for any advice/tips/reassurance. My DD1 is just over 3 and has always been a highly sensitive child. She was excited the whole pregnancy to have a baby sister but the reality of it is quite different. Whenever the baby cries DD1 wells up with tears, starts hitting herself and asks to leave the room. She is very clingy so won't leave the room on her own and wants one of us to go somewhere else with her otherwise she just sits there spiralling if we don't leave with her. This is all the more difficult as I am a SAHM so have to juggle them both and can't be leaving a crying baby. The baby is only 3 weeks old. It has got to the point where DD1 cannot tolerate any noise the baby makes even if it's not crying and just normal baby noises. We have tried to reassure DD1 and explain why babies cry and it's just because they cannot talk. Help needed!

OP posts:
VeterinaryCareAssistant · 16/07/2024 16:57

Be careful the older one doesn't lash out at the baby.

I'd ignore the older one's fuss, but then I'm mean.

Thewildthingsarewithme · 16/07/2024 16:59

Mine is also v sensitive and cry’s when baby cries and we are almost five months in! I don’t have a solution, just solidarity xx

Sunshineafterthehail · 16/07/2024 17:02

Can dd1 have some activity to do especially when the baby is crying /feeding? We used Disney and story books!! 14 months between 2 of mine. Extra cuddle time for the older one on the sofa during feeds was quite lovely... Must have hit 1000 times on some of those films.. Especially jungle book back in the day!!

Everydayimhuffling · 16/07/2024 17:02

Have you got noise blocking headphone things? It sounds like the noise is upsetting for her. I would address the sensory need and praise her for being empathetic and understanding that the baby is sad. Think about ways that she could help you to help the baby feel better so she feels involved in what you're doing.

HcbSS · 16/07/2024 17:03

The poor little mite has just had her world turned upside down. She needs reassurance and love.
Plan some 1:1 time with her and make her feel special. In time, let her help with the baby, but cues from her. Don’t project onto her that this is something great and positive. In time it will be but right now it’s not.

Crunchymum · 16/07/2024 17:03

What else is she sensitive about?

Do you think she is ND?

Hermitreader · 16/07/2024 17:09

Your older child's life has just changed dramatically and she is struggling to cope. She did not ask for a sibling and is far too young to have comprehended the changes. I think you need to reassure her massively that she is still as loved and special as she always has been. In time she will forget the time before baby came but right now she is asking for your help to cope. I know it's an old fashioned idea but could you get her a baby doll and role play looking after baby. If she were distracted by that it might help a bit.

SonicTheHodgeheg · 16/07/2024 17:11

yy to using headphones to drown out the sound.

Coconutter24 · 16/07/2024 17:46

Could it be jealousy?

MintTwirl · 16/07/2024 17:50

Are there other noises that she is sensitive too like the Hoover or hand dryers? I would get some noise cancelling headphones if it is distressing her

MistyFrequencies · 16/07/2024 17:59

Everydayimhuffling · 16/07/2024 17:02

Have you got noise blocking headphone things? It sounds like the noise is upsetting for her. I would address the sensory need and praise her for being empathetic and understanding that the baby is sad. Think about ways that she could help you to help the baby feel better so she feels involved in what you're doing.

This. Get her ear defenders. Shes overwhelmed.

Bluebirdover · 16/07/2024 19:44

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 16/07/2024 16:57

Be careful the older one doesn't lash out at the baby.

I'd ignore the older one's fuss, but then I'm mean.

How harsh.

OP she was your number 1 her whole life and it's changed. How wonderful is she that she doesn't lash out and is lovely to ask to be taken out of the room, what a lovely nature she has.

I'd down play any crying from the baby and also consider noise cancelling headphones In a sort of "we can sort this out" way.

Bluebirdover · 16/07/2024 19:45

@Purtyburty and I certainly wouldn't ignore her!

ToxicChristmas · 16/07/2024 19:52

I also agree with the ear defenders. They make a world of difference to DS who is autistic and often overwhelmed. Either those or headphones with some music she loves or a cartoon that she can watch until the baby stops crying. Lots of explanations about why the baby cries and that it's all ok and is how they talk before they grow up and use words. You can get great children's books about being a sibling and babies that you could read during one on one time where she can ask questions if she wants.

Original poster
Purtyburty · 17/07/2024 08:08

Thank you all for you replies. Will definitely get some ear defenders for her. We do reassure her about how special she is and how loved she is and I really empathise that her world has been turned upside down. I feel really sad for her but also really hoping this sibling relationship can blossom over time.

OP posts:
ricecrispiecakes · 17/07/2024 08:10

Is she noise sensitive to other things? She sounds overwhelmed rather than scared, bless her.

Boater · 17/07/2024 08:44

Purtyburty · 17/07/2024 08:08

Thank you all for you replies. Will definitely get some ear defenders for her. We do reassure her about how special she is and how loved she is and I really empathise that her world has been turned upside down. I feel really sad for her but also really hoping this sibling relationship can blossom over time.

It will but not for a few months yet. Tiny babies are very dull to toddlers. But then they'll start sitting up and playing and it will all be great fun. Hang in there.

Original poster
Purtyburty · 17/07/2024 08:53

@ricecrispiecakes uesbshebisnsensotove to other noises. She has always been sensitive to other children crying but she never got upset, more that she would watch them and couldn't concentrate on what she was doing until they stopped. I thought it was just a really heightened sense of empathy. She has never liked loud noises of building work or lawn mowers etc outside.

OP posts:
ricecrispiecakes · 17/07/2024 08:56

I think it's quite common for small children to get overwhelmed easily - plus the pitch of a baby's cry can really make your teeth itch 😂

I'm sure she'll be fine once she's had more chance to adapt and get used to it ☺️

Original poster
Purtyburty · 17/07/2024 16:18

Just as a quick update we had to do a journey together with both children and the baby cried in the car most of the way (10 min) and my eldest was in absolute pieces we had to pull over I thought she was having a panic attack. It is so upsetting.

OP posts:
BurbageBrook · 17/07/2024 16:21

Some people are more sensitive to crying than others. I literally can't bear it. I would just avoid journeys as much as possible while you can and while she adjusts. Obviously not always possible I know. Maybe if your DH is with you they can go in the middle seat or you can to create a bit of a barrier between toddler and baby and to be able to try to reassure baby, hold dummy in mouth etc.

BurbageBrook · 17/07/2024 16:22

Also, all sing a song or lullaby together in the car. It won't work at that age I know but it'll help older DD to know she's doing something to help.

Original poster
Purtyburty · 14/08/2024 13:52

Just to update this thread. We are sox weeks in and there has been a lot of improvement. Eldest is mostly done inside the house and doesn't really care of the baby cries. She shows a lot of affection to her little sister too. The car is still a problem! I think because my eldest realises she can't escape it in the car unless we pull over and get her out - it's a lack of control I guess.

OP posts:
Sunshineafterthehail · 14/08/2024 14:04

Tablet and headphones on the car? Hang it in a sandwich bag through the posts of the headrest....

2littlelovedoves · 13/02/2025 23:04

Any update on your situation? In the same boat here- 2y 9m toddler and 10 week old- no improvement yet 😬

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