MIL and weaning

[ThatGutsyHedgehog]

I have a 6 month old and we’ve just started weaning taking it slow with veg and fruit so far and he’s enjoying it!
Went to see MIL the other day who served cake DS obviously tried to grab some and I made a jokey comment “that’s not for you DS we’ve got some banana later” and distracting with a toy.
She made a very clear unhappy face and it was clear she felt he should be allowed some cake.
My plan is to not introduce sugary food until much later in line with NHS and WHO advise.

Shes very much a feeder her husband is very over weight with health problems and DH was fed unhealthy as a child.

Shes not providing childcare but desperate for alone time with DS but I really don’t trust she won’t feed him rubbish

When she dog sat before despite us asking multiple times over the years not to give dog treats as she’d been getting overweight she still does. It doesn’t seem to matter how often we say not to she still does and when she comes over she gives our dog big treats without asking. So she definitely has proven she won’t follow instructions.

AIBU to get firm with her if needed when saying no and not agreeing to alone time and having all visits as family visits?

Any helpful tips on how to manage the situation?

YANBU. I wouldn’t be allowing my child to have unsupervised contact with anyone who has proven they won’t listen to the rules I have for my child.

It’s that simple, I don’t care who they are.

YANBU. This is not about a child having a bit of cake. This is a baby(!!) who has just been weaned and there is zero need to give him cake and a woman with massive food and boundary issues.

I'd keep responses firm but breezy and not allow unsupervised contact for at least another 12 months or more.

If you can't trust her with your dog, you certainly can't trust her with your child!!

Also, I got massive food issues from similar grandparents who (i) made it their mission to treat me to nice foods/cakes/jams and then (ii) criticise me for always wanting sweets as soon as I came through the door.

I wish my parents hadn't left me with my grandma. Nice woman but I could have done without her fucking food obsessions ingrained in my brain my whole life.

All well and good blaming media for women's food issues but my biggest body/food issues come from my disturbed older female relatives.

YANBU. You're totally right, a 6 month old shouldn’t be having cake. Maintain your boundaries. You are your DSs mother, you (and your husband) will decide what is best for your DS.

And please don't ever feel forced into handing your DS over to you MIL, or anyone for that matter. Do whatever you feel comfortable with. You're the parent, you call the shots, if people don't like it, that's their issue.

You are doing a great job OP.

To those saying what's the harm with MIL giving the baby a few treats here and there, first of all the OP wants her baby to have a certain diet and that should be respected. Second as someone given a lot of treats as a youngster, I have a lifelong battle with a sugar addiction and consequently a weight problem.

Should any new baby be gifted that problem in this day and age with all the known health problems related to sugar and other UPF foods and drink? And to boot knowing that MIL is a feeder whose DH and DS have issues with their health?

Stand your ground OP!

With most grandparents a little bit of cake wouldn't matter because it would be an occasional thing.

Some grandparents though really just shove crap at children likes it's their god given right to make your child fat.

I wouldn't let her have the baby on its own either.

Well exactly.

I wasn't allowed so many things. I remember buying a can of coke the first time I had my own money at secondary school. I felt utterly deviant and hoped my mum never found out.

"Cake really isn't necessary first food for a 6 month old baby ! And the mil should respect the mother's instructions"

@Badassbreastfeeder85

I never said it was necessary! I said it wouldn't hurt. Which it wouldn't.

DS2 and DDIL brought 6mth old DGS to visit a couple of weekends ago, and I’d made a cake. I told DGS he’d be able to have some cake when he was a bigger boy, to which DDIL replied “we can’t eat cake and not let him have a little taste.” It was the tiniest of tastes, most of it was squished up all over the tray of the highchair, but I wouldn’t have let him have it without their say so.

Grandmas have snuck cake to their grandkids for time immemorial. Post 1 year old, once a week will be fine.

Any sneaking any sort of food to my child would not be having them unsupervised.

Just because something might not cause immediate harm, unless of course he's allergic to dairy or eggs or gluten, doesn't mean he should be having refined sugar at 6 months either, itll set him up to have a prefrence for junk food and change his palate, and i dont think cake is massively iron rich either, also if the mil gives him all that sugar and unhealthy foods when will the op feel she can treat him to a taste as he'll have been given stuff at his grandparents, used to annoy me when my eldest went to school and they had cakes and puddings with every meal,i felt i couldnt offer a pudding as treat at the weekend when hed already had 5 that week it then conditioned him to expect a pudding with every meal,when weaning my 14 month old all the info on the blw sites I was following said to introduce allergens one at a time to test for a reaction, the mil has raised her baby and shouldn't undermine the op wishes

This clearly isn't your typical grandma sneaking a bit of cake though. The DH has to follow a particular diet for medical reasons and she tries to get him to break it. There's bigger issues around food here than in most of these threads that are usually about a PFB and a crumb of birthday cake.

Well I wouldn't be letting her near my dog!

The child is six months old not six years old.

I think DD first tasted cake on her first birthday.

A 6 mth old doesn’t need cake!
don’t leave your child alone with this woman. She doesn’t respect boundaries and wants to feed people so they are reliant on her. She has no control over your parenting anc you should keep it this way.

It might hurt if the baby is allergic to any of the ingredients.
Allergens should be introduced one by one when weaning.
Giving small baby a cale it’s very irresponsible.
Older kids-yes,
Not a baby that just started weaning

This actually isn’t incorrect advice. The main allergens likely in a cake (aka egg, wheat, dairy) need to introduced one at a time once weaning.

Who says that?

The NHS. Allergens should be introduced one at a time & in small amounts. Once tolerated, should be given regularly to keep up exposure.