I think work has been a handy distraction for me. I've worked since my children were born. I wake up and start and then make their breakfast, do the school run, come home and work until 7pm.
I log on at weekends. It helps me feel less anxious just knowing that nothing is going on. I don't even have a particular high up role.
Reflecting on this, I do it as I am good at my job. It boosts my self esteem. There's also the adrenaline hit as it's fast paced. I'm not sure I'm a very good mum. I'm not sure I'm a good friend and I was a rubbish wife, hence the split. I've not been good at many things in my life. But work comes natural, putting in hours, being productive. I know it's not healthy.
Now I'm not working for a month and a half as I'm between roles. I feel anxious and lacking in purpose. It's such an adjustment. I love my children and I love spending time with them. I guess I feel that I demonstrate that love through working hard to provide them with a good life.
It's day one and I feel so lost.