To ask for carers for my Mum when she doesn't want them?

[missb10]

My Mum is at the stage when she is struggling to manage. Up to now she has been very independent and does for herself around the house, does her own shopping, makes simple meals and walks without sticks etc. She had a fall recently and was unable to get up due to weakness and has been in hospital since then. They have been suggesting that she has carers come in but she doesn't want them, says they are too expensive but I'm not sure if she is against it because of money or privacy. She does have the money to afford them. It would put my mind at rest if she did have someone coming in daily to get up and dresssed at least but not sure how to persuade her. She may not be able to go home without the help and a care home is even less desirable.

My elderly friend , poor mobility, didn’t want carers until an occupational therapist went to her house, suggested a few aides that could be installed and then suggested a carer just in the mornings. Made a difference that it was a professional suggesting it and before long she had them morning and late afternoon. Might be worth seeing if this route persuades her.

It all depends on the level of need of your mum and whether the discharge team at the hospital consider your mum will be safe at home. They will be under great pressure to discharge your mum if she is medically fit to go home.

As a PP says, it is essential to check with the team what your mum is telling them as it is very very common for elderly parents to insist they can manage because their daughter is popping in every day to cook/clean/help them wash. When that is not true at all.

Plenty of experience and advice over in the Elderly Parents board if you want.

She has no injuries, but can't stand up without the support of two nurses, her BP is all over the place. She is also very confused, more so than usual. She would not be able to agree a LPA the way she is now. Hoping this is a temporary thing and she will be discharged with just interim carers, but what to do if not? Thanks for all your answers so far.

Intermediate care at home, can be called different things in different areas but it is not a blanket "free for 6 weeks" service.
It is a free service, based on need and it is usually provided for an absolute maximum of 6 weeks, but in some areas it is for a max of only 3 weeks.
It is used to support people back to independence and to assess what longer term needs are going to need supporting.

Hi everyone and thanks for your messages. My Mum is going home soon with the 6 weeks care package and assessments. Because she was in hospital in another local authority (even though it is the nearest hospital) it may take some time for a longer term care package to get organised. What do you think about getting her an assistance dog? She has said for a few years that she would like a little dog for company, but I put her off because they are a responsibility. It's different with assistance dogs though I think. What happens with exercise, feeding and cleaning up after them?

Erm, assistant dogs still need walking, feeding and clearing after. They don't come with their own "caregivers".

You can try but she might send them away, or not let them in.
shed have to agree to pay unless you’ve got access to her money via LPA or something

very common scenario unfortunately

Have a key safe installed. MIL had one so that the carers could come in. By then MIL wasn't very steady on her feet anyway.

Uh, no. Please don't tell her that. Elderly social services worker here. We don't put people in a home either against their will or until it's the last and least restrictive option for them.

Noooo!
Please don't make the same mistake we did.
We got MIL a dog for company after FIL died.
Thinking it would be great for exercise, companionship etc..
She lied about taking the dog for a walk (she had dementia but we didn't know at the time)
She over fed the dog, gave it totally inappropriate food.
The dog became aggressive, overweight and it was so unfair on the animal.

its highly unlikely that your mum would be given an assistance dog from any of the UK agencies- Canine Partners for example.

They all have strict criteria for care of the dog, including daily walks, regular vet check ups, appropriate food etc. They also require an area of garden for toileting and this needs to be cleaned up regualrly. Poop does need picked up on a walk, with some exceptions for guide dogs. Same as any other dog to be fair.

It does not sound like your mum is at a stage to provide that. So please do not bring a poor animal into the mix.

Madness to consider a dog for someone who can't even care for it themselves!

As other people have said, an assistance dog is the responsibility of the person who has it. So walking, feeding, poo picking is all down to your mum. It's no different to a guide dog for a visually impaired person. They have to look after the dog as any other owner would.

Different countries within the UK have different charging policies/ legislation for domiciliary care, so if your Mum is outside of England, the charges might not be as onerous as she thinks. It may also be possible to apply for disability benefits due to increased care needs, which would offset the costs. The hospital may have a discharge coordinator who could help fill out the forms, or Age UK or the CAB may be able to help- they know what to write to make care needs clear and increase the likelihood that a claim would be agreed.

A lot of people go the Direct Payments route, rather than using a care agency. This allows a person to have more control over their care, including who provides it and how. Staff are usually referred to as Personal Assistants rather than carers, which might help the idea of promoting independence rather than taking it away. The downside is having to find an alternative if the PA is sick or takes a holiday, as it is the employer's responsibility, not Social Services'.

It helps to get a Social Worker assessment, to ascertain their level of needs (hospital staff, as wonderful as they are, often don't see the 'big picture' of someone's life and circumstances) and can help signpost or refer to other services that could support once home.

As someone else posted above, let hospital staff know, and have it recorded in writing, that you are unable to offer reliable daily assistance, so they cannot include this option in discharge planning.

Good luck! 🤗