Is this weird behaviour?

[Antisocialbutterfly1]

Recently moved to the area a few weeks ago, my child (early teens) has made good friends with another child at their new school and started spending a lot of time together. The mother of this child has been very friendly towards me from the get go, but to the point where its becoming stifling.

They're a family from Syria, the mother has always seemed lovely, her English isnt great and theres some communication issues, but seems like a nice person, she's 50/60, I'm 30s, married and have a young baby.

She came round to my house once to drop my child off after they were invited out with the family after school and that's the only time I've met her.

My child passed my number onto his friend who then gave it to their mother incase of emergencies as she will offer to take them out together to activities after school quite often. There have been a few occasions now where they've been gone for quite a few hours and until quite late on a school night (9pm) and uncontactable, which has stressed me out.

My child always comes back home and explains they've been at a youth club, walking on the beach, out for a meal etc, my childs phone has died from being out for long after school and the mother can't navigage the public transport system and gets lost, then they miss the bus home and have to wait a while for the next one.

During the last couple of weeks the mother has started messaging me on Whatsapp, all day long. Messages, voicenotes, photos of her grown up children, asking several times if she can take our baby out to give us a break etc. These messages can go on until after midnight and the "hello!" messages and paragraph after paragraph about her life start again early in the morning.

I try and send short, polite responses back and not respond instantly, but she still bombards me with lots of texts. In the last couple of days shes been very pushy about taking the baby, sending emotional messages about not seeing her grown up children and talking about how we're always welcome to ask her for help, asking us to send our child over at 9pm to collect food she's made for us and telling us she will look after us as if we were her own children.

Deep down I feel she's probably a nice lady who's just a bit lonely, maybe there are cultural differences, but my husband feels uncomfortable with this behaviour and so do I. We're quite inteoverted people who work from home, and don't have a lot of free time especially with a young baby.

Should I be wary or AIBU?

You're not unreasonable to have boundaries.

Your son needs to be contactable. Give him a battery pack?

I would just mute the messages and say you're a private sort of person.

Tricky and not sure what I’d advice I’d give.

Based on what you’ve said can’t help but agree she is lonely, trying to make a friend and culturally people relied more on a broader community and she’s offering that.

I know that’s not without issues (contact and being spammed), but generally more people willing to help their neighbours and friends is lovely. It must be an adjustment for her of accepted norms too.

It does sound like a combination of loneliness and different social expectations etc. I think you might need to be kind but direct, for example, tell her you don't like being texted a lot.

Id be worried about teen not being contactable and not knowing where they are tbh. Can you/he insist that he is home by a certain time, and a battery pack to charge the phone at least. Also text to say you are going to bed and hope she stops messaging. If not Id turn off notifications for her so it doesnt bing for her messages.

Its a tricky situation, but I dont think you should have to start doing things differently unless youre lookinv for friendship as well

Sounds like her heart is in the right place.

I feel so bad for her not being able to navigate the PT system and getting lost and late. I hope she gets au fait with it soon.

I would just be direct with her, tell her I don’t use my phone / messaging much as I’m busy with work so don’t worry or be upset if you don’t hear from me.

And tell her that you need DS home by 7pm (e.g.)

sounds like cultural differences and that she is very lonely. I made friends with a Syrian family when I worked abroad, and the mum was very similar to a point- she didn’t message me late at night but was very ‘mother hen’ always looking out for me and inviting me over for food. We are still in touch on facebook 35 years later and speak via messenger occasionally, I made a point of going back to visit the family when I returned to that country a few years later with my husband and toddler. Be direct and tell her if it’s too much, she is probably just used to a very different type of community where everyone is very involved in helping each other, and is most likely lonely. This doesn’t mean that you have to put up and shut up with anything that makes you feel uncomfortable or hand your baby over to a stranger, and you should get your son a portable charger for his phone so that he is contactable, otherwise you will find that the phone battery running out will become a convenient excuse for him when it suits if not now then when they are an older teen and have a boyfriend/girlfriend (have had two teenagers- I know what they can be like!).

Your child can tell her child to tell his mum in words that she can understand that you are very busy and can she only contact you about arrangements with the children and not to be messaging you late at night.

Also, just don't reply to messages that are nothing to do with your child.

Who has time for people like this who are basically harassing you!

She sounds lonely. Do you have enough time to do ‘operation find her some friends’? Sounds like she needs to join the WI or similar, could you support her in finding some groups?