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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take dc on holiday by myself?

37 replies

SixEggOmellette · 15/07/2024 19:35

DH has a habit of making plans for the family to go away and then changing his mind at the last minute. This means that DC has never been on holiday, and while I know that not everyone gets to have holidays, it's something we thankfully can afford and that I would like to do.

Again this Summer we discussed various holidays with DH very enthusiastic about making plans and again, DH finds he is now unable to go for dubious reasons. I feel really frustrated, especially as DC has been aware of holiday plans (against my better judgement!) and will be disappointed if things fall through yet again...SO I said I will take DC away on my own. DH now in a sulk and angry that I want to do this.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Daisy12Maisie · 15/07/2024 21:11

I've taken mine on holiday lots of times on my own. Their dad doesn't bother. We aren't together though.
My mum came once to "help me" and it was an absolute nightmare and she was a lot more work than the children.
In a lot of ways it's easier on your own.
I would just go.

mediummumma · 15/07/2024 21:11

Of course you should go without him. Why should you and DC miss out when this is repeated poor behaviour on your DH’s part?

MaryShelley1818 · 15/07/2024 21:14

You are only unreasonable that you haven't taken your DC yet! Especially if you can afford it.
What an utterly vile man to treat his child like that.

Me and DH take our children abroad a lot (usually a couple of times a year) but I often take them away on UK breaks as I get more annual leave.

AhBiscuits · 15/07/2024 21:16

Just do it OP.
We don't have extravagant holidays but lots of little breaks and a week at the seaside in the summer. My kids absolutely LOVE their summer holiday. They begged to go back to the same place this year and have been counting down the days since January. Holidays are so special and exciting for children. I can't imagine depriving them because of some miserable fuck who won't go.

Neodymium · 15/07/2024 21:22

i take my kids away all the time without dh. He messes about and doesn’t book holidays in time so he doesn’t go. He always feels abit left out but that’s on him. Tbh I enjoy them more without him especially camping as he is lazy and just lays round all day and doesn’t lift a finger

Original poster
SixEggOmellette · 15/07/2024 21:47

Oh my goodness, I am overwhelmed by all these responses. Thank you very much everyone! I won't say DH's exact reason for not going but it basically boils down to him not being in the right frame of mind to go away. That's fair enough, but I don't see why DC and I should miss out, and it's really given me the confidence boost I needed that so many people agree with me.

It is wrong to disappoint DC like he does/we have. I think I go along with a lot of unreasonable behaviour because I am just so used to it. It only gets to me when it affects DC!

OP posts:
LittleEsme · 15/07/2024 21:49

SixEggOmellette · 15/07/2024 21:47

Oh my goodness, I am overwhelmed by all these responses. Thank you very much everyone! I won't say DH's exact reason for not going but it basically boils down to him not being in the right frame of mind to go away. That's fair enough, but I don't see why DC and I should miss out, and it's really given me the confidence boost I needed that so many people agree with me.

It is wrong to disappoint DC like he does/we have. I think I go along with a lot of unreasonable behaviour because I am just so used to it. It only gets to me when it affects DC!

Go for it OP.
You are definitely NBU.

Where will
You go? Exciting!

FiveGoMadInDorset · 15/07/2024 21:50

Book it, why should you and your DC miss out because your DH is a nob

Solocup · 18/07/2024 19:28

It sounds quite controlling (maybe not purposefully so). He’s confident that if he says no, you won’t go. You absolutely HAVE to go, else you’re signing up for that for your whole adult life.
My guess is he’ll suddenly miraculously be free and able to go.
My husband was a bit like this, and just didn’t want to go. I booked and he came along and enjoyed himself. I’ve also gone alone or with the kids when he didn’t want to. We often bring it on ourselves by not doing what we want and deferring.
Book that holiday!

Maryamlouise · 18/07/2024 19:36

I love taking DC away by myself - definitely go!

Gogogo12345 · 18/07/2024 19:37

Why on earth wouldn't you? He doesn't want to go then leave him behind No issue.

Turfwars · 18/07/2024 19:51

Oh I would in a heartbeat. My DH has a long term illness that can give him good days and bad so he may need to drop out of plans (and has done for smaller trips) but he's not a wanker and would insist that we go regardless.

And when he has gone on holiday and had a bad day, he stayed in the apartment with a book and looked forward to hearing DS tell him about the day when we got home.

Hold firm to your promise. And furthermore be crystal clear that if he does go, he will be left to rest while you get on with the holiday. No way should he be allowed to cancel going to a waterpark or whatever for everyone when he's the only one who doesn't want to go.

His illness or frame of mine is not a burden that your children should bear.

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