This is a second thread as the first one didn’t get to the route of the issue.
Genuinely asking for opinions and all advice really. I need help moving on after a bitter blow up , while going back to it at a more appropriate time .
DH and I together 20 years. Lots of ups and down, lots . Had a good run last few months.
Few weeks ago he starts to turn a little vicious. Nippy comments. We are both ND and this is typical behaviour when he is overwhelmed.
However a few years ago it was unbearable , I asked to leave. We reconciled and I kept clear boundaries that I’ll do my best to support but not going to put up with the out of order snipping and general shit treatment.
So there has been some changes to DH circumstances. Has taken a sabitical to figure stuff out. While DH has done that I have made as many accommodations to make life simple (childcare / housekeeping) to reduce any overwhelm. It’s not perfect but on average DH gets a solid 30 hours a week downtime. I work FT. Very little downtime.
DH Exploring going to back to the workforce. Queue significant change in behaviour. Snipping , very critical of others , wants things done in certain ways, passive aggressive when they are not eg: what dickhead puts the butter there / fucking idiot mixing up socks etc you get the drift ( these are tasks BTW that he doesn’t do himself) says these snipes in front of the kids.
What I find hardest is I contribute significantly to the house , both financially, house logistics and childcare . He has a tenancy to throw stones from a glass house.
Had a huge blow up a few days ago, he has behaved appallingly , calling me all sorts of names , refuses to apologise or acknowledge that it was an overreaction .
Yesterday did something similar (stressed out about a meeting today)
I am hurt, like really hurt, I’m not perfect far from it I’m flawed and not shy to admit that. But he is so vicious over tiny things . We are at a standstill . Overall we have to get counselling because I won’t be treated like this in times of stress. I also find it very challenging to be “supportive” to someone who is being disrespectful.
Tempers are severly high. We go away tomorrow as a family with young DC. I don’t want to ruin it for the kids but equally how do I navigate it when I want to share how out of order I feel this behaviour is?
For context he has always had a victim mentality, cannot deal with any stress or change in rhythm at all (ND) so if anything like this happens I get the brunt of it .
Do I let it go until we are back (although I feel disgusted ) or how do I move forward and enjoy the break with the DC? Please help. I want to scream.