Trampoline/ boundary dispute, aita?

[AwkwardOctopus]

Got new neighbours and a 7ft hedge between us, they put a kids trampoline against the front garden boundary line, I'm not bothered because they aren't usually to noisy and the hedge gives plenty of privacy anyway.

I was out cutting part of a shrub when I saw and greeted the new neighbour who was polite but then said she wanted to remove the hedge which is hers to remove and she wants to replace it with a 4 foot fence.

I understood her wanting less hassle with the hedge but explained I would probably add a 6 foot fence on my side in that case. When she asked why, I did a poor job of explaining that I am a very anxious person and need privacy by saying that I meant absolutely no disrespect to her or her kids but the idea of having a 4 ft fence in the front garden with kids jumping around on a trampoline would make me feel awkward and uncomfortable in my own garden.

She unfortunately seemed to take this as a jab at her kids, got defensive, said she would be putting up a 4 ft fence and the conversation abruptly ended.

I'm not sure what to do, I really don't want something this daft to end in an argument but I sometimes really don't cope and having a private garden was making me feel calmer to leave the house. I feel like shes going to put up a 4 ft, I'll feel crowded, save some money to put up a 6ft fence on my side and then an argument's going to start off.

I want to be friends with my neighbours but I also just want privacy, the neighbour the other side can see me and comments on everything I do, I just want a side where we are able to both do our own things and mind our own business.

I don't get it, if I had kids, I'd want privacy for them, am I the a*h**? What would you do in this situation?

Just put in a 7ft hedge on your side?

Who's responsibility is the hedge boundary as marked on the deeds, yours or hers?

I like the pps idea get a 7ft hedge 😅

I think the vast majority of people want privacy in their garden, so you aren't doing anything particularly unusual.

I think it's maybe a mistake to mention the kids - just stick with "I prefer privacy in my garden."

You've done well to already give your intent - you don't have to discuss it again imo. You can just put the fence up.

The neighbour will probably get over it. But if they don't, does it matter that much? Keep being friendly if you see them, but you can still use your garden.

I can see how your explanation may have made her feel like you think badly of her and her family, but realistically you are absolutely fine! It's not the fact you want to shut her out, but rather you like to relax in your garden without feeling self-conscious.

Maybe if she brings it up again, perhaps just explain that you didn't mean anything badly of her or her family, but just that you are self-conscious and would prefer having the 6ft fence. Sometimes people are quick to take offence when objectively, it's not really about them, so perhaps explaining it as a 'you' problem it might help smooth things over?

I'm not trying to say you are wrong in how you feel or what you said at all though! You are entitled to your privacy and perfectly in the right to do what you propose.

I'd put trellis up and grow a hedge up them. Offers immediate privacy rather than growing a new hedge and cheaper than a fence. If they move the trampoline or move in the future you can remove it. You can also grow peas grapes flowers etc up the trellis instead of a hedge.

Why on earth would you get rid of a hedge that’s grown for years and years, provides a wildlife corridor, insulation and privacy for a shitty 4ft fence? Trampolines need to get in the sea too. I’m not sure how you would resolve this other than expressing how the hedge is beneficial. Maybe that you’d be happy to maintain it?

And I don't think you were wrong to mention her kids. Literally "the hedge gives me privacy and sound proofing from your kids on their trampoline. Removing that for a 4ft fence so is going to intrude on my peace in my own garden." Nothing wrong with telling her that you don't want to see and hear her kids that much while you're in your garden. As much as we all love our kids we can't just pretend they're a total joy to hear all the time. I wouldn't have minded a 7ft hedge between myself and DS today tbh.

Most people expect privacy in their rear gardens but front is a little different and usually open to the world ?

I guess it depends on your layout.

I am not sure it is usual or normally allowed by pp to have 6ft fences in your front garden but it depends on the authority I guess.

It does seem a bit strange as to why she wants to chop down the hedge. Maybe the maintenance irritates her, or the space it takes up. If she wants to replace it with 4ft fence maybe that is the maximum allowed under pp.

Perhaps if you find out why she wants to remove the hedge you can figure out a solution (for example she keeps it and you pay for maintenance ?)

Oh I completely missed it was the front.

That's more unusual. You don't get privacy in the front anyway usually do you?

Well what have you done about the other neighbour who can. see into your garden

One of our ndn has a 4' fence and it's lovely being able to chat over it. Other ndn has a 6' fence which is ours (inherited) and I'd like to replace it with a shorter one. She doesn't mind either way.

But if my ndn wanted to replace a hedge I'd just plant one of my own. A hedge is 100x better than a fence. Only needs to be trimmed once a year and absorbs sounds, pollution and is best for wildlife.

As for being friendly, just keep chatting and let her see you don't mind kids but you do prefer privacy.

Our home and garden is the only private place we have

Depends. We have a funny street layout where our front door is facing a pathway and our back door is facing a cul-de-sack. So our front garden is technically our back garden and visa versa. We have 7ft hedge all around the "front" and a tall fence around the "back" so we have privacy on both ends except for a hole my partner cut away in the hedge because he was afraid it would poke his eye out coming out of the back door. We now have a "window" into our neighbour's back garden which can be a bit much as they are very chatty.

If you've just moved in and you see it as another chore to maintain it, it encroaches the garden, so removing it would give more space, the lower fence would give more light in the garden, etc. They're the kind of things that are probably going through the neighbour's head.

So is this your front garden or back garden? I don’t understand why she’d choose to have a 4ft fence in a back garden. But if it’s the front garden I don’t understand why you’d need so much privacy just getting in and out of your house

Agree with planting a hedge on your side, somewhere for the poor displaced wildlife to regain a habitat!

Privacy is important to me, and in this situation I would have made the same objection to your neighbour. I wouldn't want my privacy removed like that. Does she have a reason to remove the hedge? If she goes ahead with the 4ft fence plan, I'd immediately either slap up my own higher fence (she would have the ugly side) or a high hedge again on my own land. She is being inconsiderate unless there's a good reason for wanting to limit the fence to 4ft.

its simple "Why do you want a 6 ft fence"
answer "because that's what I'd prefer"

Do check local by laws though...in some places there is a limit on front garden hedge height.

I'm not sure I'd have brought her kids into it, just a simple "I like my privacy" would do?

Yes do check legal front fence height, iirc you need pp if you want to go above 1m high? 2m in the back garden.

You could grow bamboo in a long rectangular planter along the boundary to get a screening effect.

I'd just put my own hedge in personally. I don't want to look at a bloody ugly trampoline all day from my window and I don't want to see kids bouncing on it while I do my garden. Some people just can't understand that others don't love their kids as much as they do. It's not personal...how would she feel if you decided to do the same and spent hours every day boinging up and down her fence line staring in her garden (please do this). Put in the hedge, maintain your privacy and continue to say hello and be polite.

She's being a vinegar-tits over it, don't give her headspace, she's an idiot and even I can tell your attitude to her was positive at the time.

Put up a fence as large as you like and don't worry about it, she's not the sharpest tool in the box.

check no birds are nesting in it :(

Is your front garden your main garden for sitting out in etc? We have just a short fence and shrubs in our front garden who doesn't bother me because you can see in from the street anyway. Definitely would not be happy with anything shorter than 6ft in the back because that's where we relax. I would hate my neighbours being able to peek over, and we don't hate them or anything!
Talk to her again and apologise if she got the wrong end of the stick but you just like your privacy- offer to pay halves if they agree to a 6ft fence? If they still insist on 4ft I would then be putting up my own fence or planting tall shrubs or a new hedge on my side