To ask whats suitable chores responsibilities for 13 and 16 years old

[kittypenguin]

I have 13 and 16 yo dds. So we generally use the dishwasher but sometimes dishes need to be handwashed as well as the dishwasher sometimes don't have enough space. Our laundry are all being washed and hung up together.

Now 13yo is responsible for wiping the table and 16yo hanging up the laundry. 13yo seems to avoid hers and when 16yo doesnt do hers she calls her sister out. This is giving me a headache as I have no clue how to deal with 13yos behaviour. I am a generally strict parent so there isnt any privilege I can think of to take away as punishment.

I am also looking for a more organised distribution and any input on what chores they should be responsible for would be appreciated. I am not sure if I should I give them allowances around exam time.

Instead of punishment why don’t you incentivise them? You can have your basic household expectations like making beds and washing up cups etc, but beyond that link pocket money to helpful jobs they can do.

All chores!!

My 16 year old can cook 4-5 basic meals, run the washing machine and hang washing out, poo pick after her dog and hoover etc. That's how she earns her pocket money. My kids started doing jobs from age 4-5

Chores is something that they should contribute so I don't think there should be money involved. Can you please share why you think thats a good idea and how much money is fair?

They should be doing way more than that - they should each have a few daily tasks, and then some specific weekend tasks like changing their bed. Your 16 year old could be a parent themselves, think about that! I don't personally think it's right to link chores to pocket money, it should be part of family like they are contributing to.

Can you please be more specific like what more should they do respectively? They make and change their own bed. I also want to make it fair.

Following with interest. I have similar age and although I don’t think money should be involved it is hard to get them to do it without the incentive so I am torn. Feel like a bad parent paying for them to do chores but then at least they are doing them

Have a checklist of what needs to be done each week and on what day. The girl who volunteers first gets the money for it.

Example:

Monday - bins out and replace with new bin liners £3

Tuesday - hoover car interior £3

Wednesday - mop kitchen and utility £3

Thursday - downstairs hoovering £3

Friday - Sunday £3 per basket of ironing for the 16 year old and £3 per full set of bedding changed for the 13 year old.

Hoovering
Polishing/Dusting
Window cleaning
Empty bins
Wheelie bins in and out
Cooking a meal once a week
Putting away food delivery
Laundry
Pegging out a load on the line
Ironing
Empty the dishwasher
Clear and wipe table
Bake fairy cakes
Make own bed
Change own bed
Clean inside and outside car
Weeding

My 11 and 9 year old can do all of these with supervision.

Our neighbours have teenagers and they also cut the lawn with a lawnmower.

My DC are 14 and 17. They wash, dry and put away their own laundry. They cook one night a week. After dinner, everyone in the house works together to wash up, clean the kitchen, put out the rubbish/recycling, clean the bathroom, tidy up the sitting room and dining room and sweep/vacuum/mop the floors.

If anyone is ill/unusually tired/doing exams/has other plans for the evening they can opt out or swap days as appropriate.

It would be lovely to have teens who volunteer willingly for household chores, but in practice bribery a system of earning money and privileges leads to a happier and less resentful household than dishing out punishments.

13 and 15 year olds here.

Both pitch in to lay the table, get drinks. And clear up afterwards - all of us work together and it takes minutes.

Boys take it in runs to do any washing up that can't (or wont) go in the dishwasher.

Weekly vacuuming done by kids over the weekend (they have divided the house in a weird way, but it works for them). Laundry is generally hung up by everyone in the house when the machine finishes.

Oldest cooks once a week for all 4 of us - it's the only way we can get him to his evening activity.

All laundry in appropriate places. Beds stripped and remade as requested (we line dry, so based on weather, not routine).

If something gets forgotten (like me forgetting to iron last night) whoever remembers or notices prompts the others as required.

BUT, we have always done things this way. Even if it took longer with toddlers, they would be asked to take e.g the forks to the table, or clear the empty (plastic!) cups. They have paired socks, or identified whose pile an item of clothing needs adding to, and cleared their own toys, so we have never had to "introduce" chores. They have always been integrated into life. Let's sort the kitchen, then watch a film /play a board game / go to the park. I'm not sure how sucessful starting all this as secondary kids would have been....

That was a lot of waffle. Sorry.... hope a tiny fraction is useful.

£3 for emptying the bin?!!

It’s an unappealing job! But obvs you would adapt according to what you deem suitable / affordable in your household.

Any advice specifically for my case would be appreciated

My teen with learning disabilities does all recycling including rinsing out dog food tins, and sorting paper, card and glass jars and gets it out for collection into the correct bin on the correct day. He has to bring down his laundry in his basket and sort whites from colours. He puts away the food shopping once it's delivered.

My kids do a mix of the following:
Change their beds and keep rooms tidy
Empty dishwasher
Clean kitchen table/ surfaces
Washing up - especially if it mess from cooking they have done I.e. baking
Hoovering
Hanging out laundry
Putting their clean clothes away

They are expected to do any of these when asked and do it to different levels as their ages range from 7-16. (For example the 7 year old helps with washing up doing the drying where as 16 year old does it all if asked)

We don't give incentives for doing chores as it is part of being a family that everyone chips in and helps out.

I really dislike the idea of set chores, paid or unpaid. When my DC were still living at home I simply asked them to do things as they arose.

Yep
Me as a child and mine when they came along.
Both went off to uni able to do all these things.

bump

I agree chores are part of living in the house and don't get paid for (different if they are "above and beyond" type things e.g. we paid DS for painting the fence).

We explained to our teens that we expected everyone to pitch in as we all lived here. We suggested tasks but also asked for their input, so we have their agreement that this is fair. As I have 2 children that watch like hawks for any sense of unfairness, we also made them "equal".

They agreed that one would lay the table and wipe down afterwards. And they picked days based on clubs etc. DH and I graciously agreed to do the 7th day :)
Everyone puts their plate etc in the dishwasher after dinner.
They both cook (at your ages, I think we started with prepping dinner first and progressed to cooking with support) one day a week. The person cooking also leaves the kitchen afterwards. They agreed which day they wanted but can swap if they let me know in advance.

On a weekend we all pitch in and do a house clean. I tried to introduce a rota but it caused too much aggro, so we now have it that DS hoovers and dusts upstairs and the stairs, and DD does the downstairs. DH and I do the rest. We don't define when they must do their hoovering, so they fit round their social plans.

Their own rooms they are responsible for. We have made threats (thankfully not carried out), regarding keeping them at least at a basic hygienic state.

They change and wash their own bedding and towels. (I think this might have started later than 13).

I wash their clothes but they iron anything they want ironing. Surprisingly, they don't usually bother :)

I would say that we've always had jobs since they were toddlers, so it wasn't a huge shock. I can see implementing for the first time might be harder. We do point out how much we do for them that we don't have to, that makes their lives nicer (lifts was a big one).

We allow leeway/no jobs around exam/busy times.

My DC like set chores as they know what's expected. Asking them to do ad-hoc things would be more likely to cause an argument.

Ds only set chores are he does his own laundry. He also sorts out his own lunches. He then as and when asked washes the cars, mows the lawn, empties dishwasher, hoovers. I do not pay him for chores.

@TammyJones

My 18 yo went to uni and lived away did the first time and he was called the dorm mum. Within the first week he was giving them cooking lessons. Bolognese, chili, carbonara etc. He started a Rota and showed everybody how to use the washers and dryer etc and explained what cleaning things where for what. The first Christmas he came home he walked in and first thing he did was hugged me and said " you know what mum, I never enjoyed doing any of the jobs but I'm so glad you stuck with it. Every one of my hall buddies is so domestically incompetent it's like a form of low level terrorism " 😂🤷🏼‍♀️

I also take my kids to assemble their own flat pack furniture from Ikea, paint, gloss and lay wooden flooring. I was very very lucky to be raised by a man taught me all of the necessary stuff. I can plumb a washing machine and fit shelves while a man is still adjusting his boiler suit ☺️

Mine clear the dinner table, load unload dishwasher, clean the bathroom that they use, make dinner once a week ish (not set in stone but they do it frequently). They also each do their own washing.
No pocket money for those things; I see that as the basics as part of sharing the house.