ADHD and appearance/self care

[MaryQueenofPotts]

I suspect I have ADHD but no formal diagnosis. (Struggled for years with being organised, easily forgetting important info, struggled to keep friendships, hyper focusing, feeling overwhelmed by day to day life.) Typically, I keep putting off getting the diagnosis moving forward 🤣 but hopefully I will get there. I’m in my 30s btw, SAHM.

This is to ask, is it normal to think this way: my appearance doesn’t bother me.

I don’t wear make up day to day, I wear clothes that I don’t need to think about, they are just easy and go together.

If I have a spot on my face, it doesn’t bother me, I apply stuff for it to go down but don’t try to conceal it.

If I do dress up and apply make up for an occasion it doesn’t make me feel amazing, just a bit self conscious. I don’t take compliments especially well, just feel awkward.

Like when people say they wear a particular outfit and feel great, or when they’ve applied their make up, it gives them confidence. But I don’t get that feeling. Is that weird? Is it ADHD related or something else.

Also, would you judge someone like this? As Lazy? Careless?

AIBU for not bothering about my appearance I guess?

thanks for reading!

You’re not unreasonable, it’s entirely up to you. If you’re happy and comfortable that’s all that matters.

I don’t think it’s adhd to not care about your appearance, though it may be adhd to not do anything about it (overwhelm, procrastination etc).

I suspect I am adhd as well, but I do care how I look. Doesn’t mean I always make an effort, but I do care if I look awful.

I usually go out without makeup as I don’t especially need it, I look similar with and without. But will pop some on for a special occasion.

I don’t wear make up day to day, I wear clothes that I don’t need to think about, they are just easy and go together. The fact they go together means you are putting some thought into your appearance. Having a wardrobe of items that go together is precisely what most people who care about their appearance aim to do.

You can care about your appearance and not wear make up. I didn’t start wearing make up till I was about 65.

I have adhd and my love make up and hair care and I buy loads. I hardly ever use it tho. Blow drying my hair is just so much work and then makeup 🤷‍♀️

I love clothes but putting on blue trousers and a top is just so quick and so easy ….

There’s nothing unusual about this. Lots of people aren’t bothered about this stuff. I don’t think it’s linked to ADHD, particularly. I certainly know plenty of women who aren’t bothered about clothes, makeup etc and none of them have ADHD.

Thanks for the replies.

I see what you mean about lots of women not wearing make up daily. I do feel there is that culture amongst youngster probably from social media that you have to have your face made. I have younger female relatives and that’s their thinking so maybe I am getting it from them.

But what do you think about the apparent confidence boost looking nice gives women. Is it normal not to feel that way when dressed up?

But what do you think about the apparent confidence boost looking nice gives women. Is it normal not to feel that way when dressed up?

If you’re not used to caring about your appearance or receiving compliments because you don’t normally dress up then it’s not that odd that you’d find it a bit strange and even uncomfortable to suddenly receive attention. I don’t think any of this is ADHD related, some people care about looking good and feel more confident when others notice and appreciate it, some people don’t give a damn either way.

Thanks @ComtesseDeSpair
I see what you mean.
It just feels that message is common, “look good, feel good” kind of thing so I thought I was weird to not get it.

I don't consider wearing make up as part of self-care, I can't stand wearing it!
I also don't consider wearing 'easily put together' clothes as self care.
I'd consider selfcare as regular washing, brushing hair daily, brushing teeth x2 a day, and wearing clean clothes.
I live in jeans and a comfy top. I'm not fussed about how I look, and I'm unobservant and never clock what anyone else is looking like. I do have a bit of self respect though, and like to be clean, and vaguely groomed, although unless I keep my hair short(ish) it tangles within 30 second of being brushed! I'm totally unsophisticated, but it's just who I am, and I'm chill with that. If other people think I look like a dogs dinner then they have too little going on in their own lives.

I have ADHD and like to be presentable whenever I leave the house - makeup, hair etc. So don't think it's a one size fits all thing!

Also think I have adhd and could have written your post. I do kind of understand the look good feel good but I also feel awkward if I'm dressed up, but I like looking well at an occasion, to blend in I suppose. Never wear makeup unless for an occasion, and I actually hate the feeling of something on my face. Tops and jeans or tops and trousers are my uniform, but I am careful to buy only what suits me (procrastination is great for only buying good stuff though I do miss out on things from time to time because they go out of stock), so it's not any old top and any old trousers, they are fairly good quality.

I'm like you OP but don't have ADHD, maybe it's just your choice or preference. It's good to just be I think.

I'm the same. Suspected ADHD. No make up or jewellery, it just doesn't really occur to me to dress up as I don't think about my appearance much.

I try to dress appropriately for the situation, but I don't care about standing out or looking beautiful or cutting edge fashionable. It's just not something I'm personally interested in.

I have to dress up from time to time and I can feel good if I think I look good. At other times I just feel I cba with the whole hair make up jewellery bag shoes and dress palava . The rest of the time I choose to prioritise other things so I have a bit of a uniform of black and navy tops and trousers that will go together. I don't really want to prioritise clothes in my headspace beyond a quick "blue or black" in the morning.

What you describe could be a feature of a number^ of different psychological challenges or ND but it's really impossible for anyone to link behaviour/s to ADHD if they're not a trained clinician who has carried out a full assessment really. Without looking at the historical features, all the different strands of your present life and any comorbidity it's just a guess.^
^
Any adult with a diagnosis will have come up against someone dismissing ADHD altogether on the basis that "lots of people are untidy" and this is because the person doing the dismissing doesn't have the whole picture; they are just singling out an element that is not uncommon. If the way you live concerns you or causes you a problem it might be worth seeking an assessment. If you are happy as you are and you're not worried about not choosing to wear make up etc then why not accept that as your perfectly valid choice? If other people decide you are lazy or whatever based on externals then that is their problem!
^

^My post seems to be full of weird italic text (that's what I can see anyway). If that's what any of you are seeing - sorry! I'm still grappling with the MN app (I haven't been on the sherry!).

I don't think is an ADHD thing. I know someone with ADHD who invests a lot of her energy in her appearance. Always immaculate hair/make-up and outfit. Is a total gym bunny, and uses Botox. However, she will admit that her house is an absolute shit hole.

Societal pressures impose on women that we must take pride in our appearance above and beyond what men do. I don't think not subscribing to that line of thinking is to do with ADHD, and is more than just not being so concerned with it, and not giving a fuck. That can be empowering in a way.

(Struggled for years with being organised, easily forgetting important info, struggled to keep friendships, hyper focusing, feeling overwhelmed by day to day life.) Typically, I keep putting off getting the diagnosis moving forward 🤣 but hopefully I will get there. I’m in my 30s btw

OMG ARE YOU ME??!! 😭😭😭 I am literally the very same - although I am hyper focused on my appearance and ridiculously vain!

Edit: and my house is a shithole.

I have adhd and I do a lot on my appearance but my race plays a large impact here being black I can't afford to not look 'done'

I won't leave the house without makeup but the been overwhelmed with life and disorganisation is deffo adhd I was diagnosed 2 years ago.

If you’re happy with your appearance it’s all good - I wish I felt as unselfconscious. I’m autistic and sometimes don’t bother with my appearance, but for me how I look is a barometer of my mental health/level of overwhelm. When I’m feeling good, I make an effort and look fashionable and smart. When the anxiety is high and I’m feeling stressed and frazzled, I look like a haggard mess in crumpled comfy clothes with no make-up and only hastily brushed hair. On those days though I look in the mirror and despair at what I see, I just don’t have the energy to do anything about it.