Conversations always come back to sex

[TheyOnlyThinkWithOneThing]

Have name changed as previous posts are quite identifying and sorry it's a long one.

I met a guy a few weeks ago whilst away. Neither of us live there/come from there, I was travelling around, and he was over there for business. We also don't come from or live in the same country as each other. We got chatting one evening in a bar, got on great, had a laugh and swapped numbers nothing more.

We exchanged a few messages over the next couple of weeks whilst we were off doing our own things. Then we happened to both be back in the same city the evening before he was due to fly home so we arranged to meet for a few drinks. Again, a lovely night, chatting, getting to know each other but nothing else. He was the perfect gentleman and walked me back to my hotel without any expectation of being invited back.

Since then, we have been in touch almost every day, video calling when internet access allows (he travels to fairly remote places for work fairly often), or just via WhatsApp messages. Conversations started as you would expect with the normal questions of getting to know each other and also what we both wanted especially as there is a huge distance between us at the moment. More recently he seems to try and steer every conversation towards sex. Sometimes is pretty tame and flirty, sometimes it's a bit more obvious but until yesterday it hadn't really bothered me.

We have a fairly large time difference. Yesterday afternoon, so his morning, I get the usual "morning beautiful" type message, then without warning I get a dick pic!! Now the dick pic in itself isn't a huge issue. I messaged back and politely reminded him not to expect any such pictures from myself and he apologized that it was probably too much and was sorry if he offended me. The issue I have is that me not wanting to go down that particular conversation route basically ended the conversation. I've noticed recently that he tries to steer the conversation more and more towards sexual type conversations and if I don't take the bait so to speak the conversation dries up pretty quickly.

My big concern now is that I am booked to fly out to see him in a few weeks and I feel that all the talk about seeing if we could make long distance work with view for seeing what could be in the future was just all talk and he basically just wants a fuck buddy for the couple of weeks I am over.

I am so pissed off with myself for falling for yet more bullshit from a guy, I honestly thought he was different. This is a professional guy in his fifties and not some dodgy romance scam, just some sort of bloody sex pest! Or am I completely out of touch and this is just what is expected these days to "keep the excitement alive" until we meet up again? It's not like I'm a prude, but I just feel those sort of conversations should be kept until after we have at least been intimate in person.

Would you still go to visit him? I'm actually visiting a friend who lives a short flight from him whilst I'm there so will be doing the long-haul flight anyway, just not sure if I should just make alternative plans for the time we had planned to spend together or still meet up and see how things pan out in person.

Vote wise:
YANBU - Do not meet this guy and make alternative plans
YABU - Go meet the guy and just see what happens

Definitely don’t go. Block and move on. A dick pic is the biggest turn off ever.

Bin him off 🚩

Unsolicited dick pics are a form of assault in my view so in your shoes I would cut contact and not be meeting with him.
He’s clearly trying to set the scene for the fantasy he has created for the next encounter with you.Ugh.

Nah. Don’t go. He’s making it clear what he wants. No reason to travel, delivering yourself like a take out meal, when all he’s interested in is your body. Blech … can’t stand this kind of man.

Are you still feeling as interested in and attracted to him as you did earlier on? Personally, I think what you've described would put me off even if I were able to rationalise it as "normal" or "expected". I DON'T think it's uncommon even among men who are old enough to know better but it always comes across as really childish to me, at least after the first time you make it clear you're not into that type of discussion at this stage. I can see MAYBE trying it out once just to see if the person you're talking to also likes to talk about sex most of the time, but be prepared to back off and have some other repartee if not. His continuing when it's clear you're not into it is disrespectful IMO, because he's pushing his needs and desires as if your boundaries don't matter. Of course you can push back, but is it worth it when it seems like it's going to be an ongoing thing? I would wonder about his self-control, his social skills, his judgement, and his conversational ability.

As for the unsolicited dick pick before you and his dick have been introduced IRL - I'm not sure what men think this is likely to accomplish but I'm inclined to think that it's almost always counterproductive.

I know you are all right, it's just so frustrating that yet another seemingly good guy turns out not to be.

It's not like he doesn't have other good and interesting conversation, the two times we met in person and the first couple of weeks after we got back we talked about all sorts, work, life, music, films, memories, travel etc. but now everything seems to need to lead to talk about sex.

I think @OfficerChurlish hit the nail on the head, it's the lack of respect for me when I've said I'm not into that sort of conversation until we've actually spent some proper time together.

Oh well, back on the scrap heap again I guess!!

Unsolicited dick pic is the modern equivalent of flashing. You’re right, even if you’re not adverse to sharing saucy pics with your intimate partner, it’s not unreasonable waiting to do this AFTER you’ve been intimate and established you both like reminding each other how good it was. He’s overstepping, and that’s disappointing because if he had just waited you might have pursued the relationship.

What an utterly tedious twat. If you tell a man you aren't interested in sexting and he carries on it's an instant dump because he's not respecting your boundaries at all.

Nah, don't bother

Dick pics are just an electronic form of flashing. Tawdry at best, threatening at worst.

Don't meet him.

Yes, HE is back on the scrap heap. He can't seriously think that sending a dick pic is going to get him a shag, can he?! I'd have way more respect for a man making it obvious from the start, as in "I'm looking for sex" than how he's behaved!
You, however, can walk away from this immature cretin with your head held high.

A man who respected you, and respected himself, wouldn't randomly throw dick pics out and steer every conversation to sex. He would have more substance, and want to know all about your substance. You really need to see this red flag for what it is.

A dick pic when you’ve made clear you’ve no interest in receiving one, or having smutty conversations, show a complete lack of respect. Especially multiple times.

I’m glad you’ve decided not to visit. He’s shown you already he has no respect for your very clear boundaries so there is zero reason to think he’d suddenly respect them in person!

The dick pic would have knocked me sick and it would have been an instant block

I’m inclined to agree.
To send that pic having not been intimate first IRL is too weird.
Very presumptuous and inappropriate.

I agree with everyone else that unsolicited dick pics are obviously not on. That aside, you say you both live in different countries, so realistically/practically could this ever be more than a friends with benefits situation? That he keeps bringing the conversation back to sex suggests he views it like that, whereas you're hoping for a relationship? I suspect if you go visit him, he'll get what he wants and if you then push for more, the distance will suddenly become an insurmountable issue.

@littleburn sadly yes despite currently living at opposite sides of the world, due to both our jobs and the passports that we hold, it would have been possible to live together at some point in the future.

That was part of the reason either of us even entertained the idea, plus we both travel a lot and often to the same countries so would have had plenty of opportunity to meet up and spend time together getting to know each other to see if it had the potential to develop. Probably also why I didn't hit the block button straight away as he had also talked about the future and all the usual stuff.

But like you all say, he has shown his true colours now. Whether he is just a sex pest who doesn't respect my boundaries or was bull shitting all along regarding the potential of a future he's not who I thought he was so it's a goodbye to him.

You haven't met him yet so he wasn't seemingly a good guy. He hasn't shown that. He's shown you he is shabby and basic. You have all my sympathy, I did OLD for years but met a parade of men who weren't what they said they were or didn't know who they were.

dic picks are e-flashing, so true.

For the life of me I will never understand men's obsession with unsolicited dick pics. Do they really think any woman is going to faint with desire after seeing it? Its absolutely bloody pathetic.

He isnt interested in anything but sex, you know that now so move on and block this (literal) wanker.

Really disrespectful and unbelievably childish and naive that any man would think you would want a dick pic. Total turnoff. Be thankful he showed his true colours before you went to see him. Avoid like the plague. Hideous!

@MsNorburry I met him IRL not online, we met twice 2 weeks apart whilst both abroad then continued online as we went back to the countries we live in with actual plans to meet up again. He was due to visit the country I live in following my trip in a few weeks to his (obviously I will be rescinding that invitation).

Anyway, that is kind of by the by now as I'm not willing to continue with somebody who can't respect my boundaries or have respect for himself by sending those sorts of messages.

@lilacnapkin I know, it's not like it's the most attractive part of a man in the first place!!

I've been married twice and with my now husband for well over a decade - neither of them ever sent me a dick pic in their lives! What is wrong with some men?

I would leave it, he's done you a favour and made it pretty clear what he's after so be grateful for that at least. A man in his 50s sending unsolicited dick pics to someone he has never even slept with is such an ick.

Grim OP, the only reason to send a pic like this is that they want a similar pic from you in return. Well done for not going there, now pull the plug on this creep.