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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think he’s not doing anything wrong by stopping maintenance?

380 replies

GumdropsAndLollipops · 14/07/2024 19:28

My DB “Jack” has two kids with his ex “Anne”, DS8 and DD10.

Up until a year ago, Jack had the children 3 nights a week and Anne had them 4 nights a week. Jack is also a high earner and has always paid child maintenance to Anne above CM rate (as it should be).

Last year, Anne was due to have her second child with her DP and asked Jack to swap the schedule so he had their children 4 nights and she had them 3 nights instead. The court order was updated and means Jack has been the resident parent for the last year however he carried on paying maintenance to Anne at the same rate due to the fact she was on maternity leave (this was due to stop when she returned to work).

Fast forward to now and Jack recently cashed in an investment which has allowed him to pay off his mortgage and become financially secure. With this in mind, Jack has decided he would like to quit his job to spend more time with the kids and to just generally live a less busy and hectic life as without the commitment of a mortgage payment, he can live comfortably on freelance work while the kids are in school or at their mum’s.

Jack didn’t foresee any of this being a problem for Anne as the maintenance payments were due to stop anyway but she has hit the roof; saying he needs to continue the payments as not doing so would put her household into financial hardship.

Jack has it made clear that he will not be requesting any maintenance from her and that he will carry on paying for everything as before (clothes, uniform, trips, hobbies, sports etc) and has offered to have their children more, do pick ups / drop off on her days, cover all sickness absences as he won’t have a work schedule but all hell has broken loose.

As per my title, I don’t think Jack is wrong (but I’m biased as I don’t like Anne) so I thought I’d ask here in case there’s something I’m missing or have not thought about.

So, is Jack being unreasonable to quit his job and stop the voluntary maintenance payments?

OP posts:
JenniferBooth · 31/07/2024 21:27

Those poor kids What shes done stinks STINKS

HowardTJMoon · 31/07/2024 21:35

Going from having their own bedrooms to sharing the living room is really twisting the knife. Those poor kids.

Daleksatemyshed · 01/08/2024 07:39

Hopefully their Dad will give them a good, settled home since their DM seems to have lost interest in her older DCs. I rather hope that when their older they'll treat her with the same distain she's shown them.

Straightomyhead · 01/08/2024 12:16

I really can't offer any advice but this is truly awful for the children with so much change and they just can't understand why. So glad your DB is stepping up. And you sound so lovely supporting them all including your DB.

My half brothers grew up from a young age with my dad (before meeting my mum a few years later and then me arriving) and he was the best for them. Hopefully will end up similarly.

BruFord · 01/08/2024 15:07

Wow, she’s appalling.

I think you already know this, OP, but it now seems obvious that she always saw your DB as a cash cow and probably married him for that reason.

Your DN’s must be blindsided at this rejection, thank goodness they have their Dad.

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