Should I be upset dd not invited to wedding

[spanieleyes22]

So just following on from another thread sorry if you are bored with me! Am invited to wedding in France with my ds age 16. Friend has ds 16 and dd 19 and I have dd 19 too. They would all play tog when young. But dd not invited. I suppose I didn't think much about it when I accepted the invite but now a lot of friends are saying they wouldn't have gone if dd not invited. I will miss her a lot and wish she was going as she is good company for me lol. I suppose she and my friends dd haven't kept in touch whereas the boys play on ps the odd time but they wouldn't be close friends . We moved away 4 years ago. What do ye think?

Bit odd and not sure I would be happy leaving dd at home...

Well she is 19 so I'm not worried about that tbh

So your older DS is invited?

Oh sorry, it's the older one not invited?

dd is 19 thus an adult, it is very kind of the bride or whoever to invite your son, it could have been just you that was invited.

you didn't need to accept his invitation.

Your son is still a child so invited as part of your invite. Your daughter is an adult in her own right and doesn’t make the cut for whatever reason.

Is it more that your DS has been invited to keep their DS company but DDs are old enough to not need it or their DD doesn’t need or want yours to be there?

Your DD is not a child so while you may be annoyed I wouldn’t be creating a fuss if it was me and I still would go

Are you going with anyone, not your kids.? .if so I’d have them as your +1 and leave both snubbed and favoured child at home.

I would be assuming there might be a handful of friends at the wedding for her DD and her DS, and as you say your DD and hers aren’t even vaguely in touch and she’s of an age where she can easily be left at home. Perhaps she is also mindful the cost of travel and accomm would be more if she invited all 3 of you, so she made a call at the two most relevant invitees. I personally wouldn’t be offended. But if it doesn’t work for you anyway, just don’t go.

Is this friend or family?

If friend, that seems very reasonable. She’s invited you and she’s added your non-adult child so you don’t have to worry about leaving him. Your DD is an adult. Adding in all the childhood friends of your children when you marry later in life could make things very expensive and isn’t what the celebration is about.

If family, it depends what other relatives of your DD’s “standing” are being invited, but the same reasoning above could still apply.

Is it a “snub”? DD is an adult not a child, they moved away 4 years ago, and OP points out DD is not in touch with the family anyway. At 19 I’d be waving my Mum and brother out the door gleefully!!!

No just me. I kinda see where she's coming from. She invited ds as company for her ds I think and we can share a room . I do feel a bit bad for dd she would love to get an outfit and come as well. But yeh I didn't say anything. Just some of my friends are offended for me iukwim. I do think it's a teeny bit mean not to invite dd.

If she had said I could bring a plus one I would have chosen dd lol. DS is not bothered. I mean he will come and prob enjoy bits of it but dd would get more out of it. And I'd have someone to talk to . Ds well
Able to stay at home for a couple of nights I've left him before. He will be 16 so that's not a worry

I don't think people can fully get the situation without your other thread where you explain that you were pressurised into going, OP.

Does your DD know your friend really well and have a somewhat independent relationship with her? Or do you just mean you think it would be nice for DD to have an excuse to buy a new dress and go to a fancy party abroad?

Because the latter is heading towards entitled territory.

If DS isn’t bothered and you are happy to leave him at home he doesn’t have to go, whether your friend wants him as company for her DS or not.

Of course you are entitled to your feelings. But friends adult children that she or her kids are not in contact with is quite natural cut off point.

I’d probably prefer to go with both but fine if they’ve just invited your son. There’s a clear rationale for it - you’ve said yourself that the daughters haven’t stayed in touch whereas it appears your son has. I’d just go and enjoy myself.

I don't think I'd be offended or bothered if my Dd wasnt invited in this scenario. Like you say your son is probably being invited to keep your friend's son company.

Would your Dd actually like to have gone or is this something you've assumed? Is she close to your friend? If not then I think maybe you care more than Dd about her not going.

It is fairly inconsiderate of her not to give you a +1 when you’re traveling so far, though.

From your other thread it seems quite an expensive wedding to attend.

I would have declined.
I think it wasn't kind to not include your daughter.
This is a very expensive trip to suit someone else.
I have zero interest in travelling for weddings and happily politely decline them, even relatives.
I think weddings are long and tedious, even the ones of people I love.

From this post alone the situation and why your daughter wasn't invited makes perfect sense.

Your ds has a kind of ongoing friendship with her ds, your adult dd doesn't have any connection to them now.

I wouldn't be offended.

It’ll be a budget thing. I wouldn’t get offended.