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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Found Viagra in husbands jeans

61 replies

Anon242308 · 14/07/2024 17:24

Looking for some advice. My husband went out with friends last night and when I was putting his clothes in the wash, a packet of viagra fell out his pocket with one tablet missing from pack. He has since admitted that he went to the strip club and paid for private dances. He also admitted to buying cocaine for the night out. He swears that nothing happened other than a girl danced over him. I can't understand why then he'd need the viagra and why he had it out with him in his pocket and has obviously used one. He had the viagra delivered to our house the same day before he went out and it came in a box. We have 3 kids together and I thought we were happy. I packed his stuff and threw him out. We've also been struggling financially lately and I can't believe he's wasted money on drugs and strippers. I don't know what to think but what he's saying just doesn't add up. He said he bought the viagra for us for when he got home as apparently its difficult to get an erection when you have been taking cocaine. 1. We've never needed it before for our sex life. And 2. He knew I'd be in bed asleep by the time he got home. Would It be unreasonable to end this relationship? I feel humiliated and I don't think I could trust him again. He didn't come clean right away either, tried to say the viagra was not that and some other tablet but told him I knew what it was and showed him google results for name so he had no option but to tell (what I think) is now the truth. AIBU to end this relationship. I don't want to stay together just for the kids but at this point that's all it would be as I'm so disgusted by his behaviour and dont think I could ever trust him again. Also makes me question every night out he's been on now.

OP posts:
TTTBeawinner · 14/07/2024 17:26

He is lying and f a stripper

NippyChippy14 · 14/07/2024 17:28

Lying, drugs and strip clubs…all would mean the end of the relationship from my point of view, but only you know what your limits are.

OnionBag · 14/07/2024 17:29

Going to a strip club would end my respect for him and therefore end my marriage.

SwordToFlamethrower · 14/07/2024 17:30

Listen. The shame and humiliation is his and his alone.

LiterallyOnFire · 14/07/2024 17:31

I don't blame you for slinging him out. He sounds like a disease vector, and a lying piece of shit to boot.

KreedKafer · 14/07/2024 17:31

He’s paid a woman for sex. The ‘strip club’ was a brothel.

Despair1 · 14/07/2024 17:32

Hi OP, I can understand how hurt and betrayed you feel. Made worse by his lies when he initially denied it and also makes you question what he is/has been doing when he goes out. I can understand why you feel disgusted with him, his explanations and excuses don't add up. This chance finding has made you question your whole life with him. Please don't make any rash decisions re long term. You say you have thrown him out. Let's see what his actions are in the next few days. Please take care of yourself, I am sorry that this is happening to you. Please share with a close friend/family member; it may help lessen the emotional load

DaftyLass · 14/07/2024 17:32

He is a skeezy piece of shit.
He lies, wastes money, wants other women to turn him on, tries to make you doubt yourself....just bin him and be glad you didn't waste any more time.

Nori10 · 14/07/2024 17:32

Like you say, why would he need Viagra just for a lap dance (which would be a deal breaker for me)? Likely hooked up with a sex worker. I say sex worker, because he seemed confident he'd need the viagra and unless he is having an affair, a sex worked is the only other guaranteed option of sex. Sorry, he's awful for putting the through this.

Aquamarine1029 · 14/07/2024 17:32

Your husband is a lying, cheating piece of shit. Get an STI test immediately.

WearyAuldWumman · 14/07/2024 17:33

My knowledge of strip clubs is based on one film.

In that particular film, the private dance that was depicted was basically dry humping. That would explain the need for Viagra.

cupcaske123 · 14/07/2024 17:34

If he's not regularly using cocaine and having sex, how does he know to get the Viagra? Get an sti check.

User284732 · 14/07/2024 17:35

I'd assume he saw a sex worker, because taking Viagra for a strip club would mean embarrassing and unwanted public erection. I think the cocaine is a cover for money going missing for a sex worker. I wouldn't forgive it either. Can you check his Google location history to see where he went? I'm so sorry OP.

TheHuntSyndicate · 14/07/2024 17:42

Lies, takes drugs, goes to strip clubs and buys viagra.

He's not going to ever be husband or father of the year is he?

You're a housekeeper and care giver to his children. That's all.

Please don't take him back, you deserve so much more than this dirty pig of a man.

cheddercherry · 14/07/2024 17:42

He’s obviously done both before to know that he’s need it that time. I don’t know why you’d need an erection for a public place if it’s just a dance in view of everyone so I would assume he’d done more privately. I’d obviously not trust a word that came out his mouth either way and no, I’d never want him to touch me again. Any embarrassment is his, you’ve done nothing wrong in wanting rid.

Didimum · 14/07/2024 17:43

All lies. Obvious lies at that. Leave him. Good luck to you x

Barryplopper · 14/07/2024 17:44

I have a friend that was with a cocaine user, they split up because he had started using heavily and would book escorts, also a user of viagra...

Ayeyourebeingadick · 14/07/2024 17:49

Yeah I think this is a fair line to draw… strippers coke and viagra. If that doesn’t do it then what will.

heathspeedwell · 14/07/2024 17:50

If there's one single thing that I have learned from Mumsnet, it's that what men admit to at first is nearly always just the very tip of the iceberg. So if he says lap dance then it was probably sex.

You have been very brave OP. Keep it up, you deserve better than this liar. Don't let him treat you like a fool.

WeeOrcadian · 14/07/2024 17:51

Well, it doesn't look good

Good for you for kicking his arse out

HebburnPokemon · 14/07/2024 17:52

What a catch.

OP have some self respect and LTB

DanielGault · 14/07/2024 17:52

He's treating you like you're a complete idiot who'll swallow any old shite he comes out with. No respect for you there.

Fireplacewatcher · 14/07/2024 17:55

He has likely admitted enough that he feels is credible to get you to believe him and omitted much more.

Well done for kicking his arse out. Follow your gut. You know the truth. Don’t let him gaslight you into believing him.

Sorry to hear this has happened to you though and sending you lots of 💐 to support you through this tough time.

isthesolution · 14/07/2024 18:02

I'd definitely be ending my marriage. My husband wouldn't be who I thought he was - taking drugs, going to strip clubs and paying for dances /whatever. Also the viagra was ordered and bought in advance - why?

I'm so sorry but yes it would be the end for me - I'd never be able to trust him again.

Itstherichthatgetthepleasureasusual · 14/07/2024 18:22

Well I don't blame you for questioning every night out he has had. This won't be the first time he's used drugs and paid for sex.
Is the reason you've been struggling for money because he's been spending it on cocaine and sex workers?
Horrible for you OP but I don't see how you can get past this. This is the type of person he is and you deserve much much better than him.

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