Comparisons

[purpleratne]

If you know you don't have the best body compared to your partner's exes, and you know they're much more his "type" does that affect you? Does it mean anything? Does it mean he would prefer their body?

What if you're not the best at anything and there's an ex out there who was better at sex and kissing and had a better body?

It's like sex. My partner is not the best lover I've had. He's not great at it. But because I love him, I try to show him what I like.

Do we spend our lives with someone knowing that they're not the best kiss, best sex, best body that we've had?

I don't. It doesn't really enter my mind tbh.

Are you okay? Xx

Comparing bodies doesn’t help. I’m ’sort of’ seeing someone I’ve known a few years, his ex is the complete opposite of me in every way. I’m a little bit overweight and my body never really ‘bounced back’ after having kids anyway. She was skinny and younger but he talks about me like I’m absolutely amazing. It’s a real ego boost I won’t lie. Would he prefer someone more like his ex? Possibly but it doesn’t seem that way. If the person you’re the most intimate with isn’t making you feel sexy, what’s the point?

As for sexual compatibility, that’s a whole different matter. Do you feel he listens to you? Is willing to take it slow in the bedroom, not making it a race to the end? The best part of being with someone is taking a while to get to know each others likes, not just a wham bam situation.

Presumably you partner had chosen you and is therefore attracted to your body not spending his time yearning for his ex’s gorgeous carcass!

The sex - different matter. I’ve always felt it’s almost chemical. If you are attracted and the sex just needs a bit of fine tuning to be great - that’s do-able. But, if the attraction isn’t strong in the first place it can’t be manufactured, regardless of technique!

I don’t think comparison is good in the way you have mentioned. Probably a turn-off for you both.

I can't say it's ever crossed my mind to wonder where I 'rank' as regards the bodies, sexual accomplishments etc of DH's exes. We were out for dinner at the house of one of them last night. It still never occurred to me.

What's actually going on, OP?

Not meaning to sound twee, but I've never thought that stuff really compares to the meaningful qualities we have on the inside.

I wouldn't be in a relationship with someone vapid enough to rate my body against his ex's.

My partner and I went through a rough patch, broke up and he started talking to another girl, nothing in it just talking but she's his exact type and he was attracted to her.

We are now back together and I'm incredibly insecure. It is pushing him away as we constantly argue

For relevance, his type is Asian or gothic and I am a white curvy blonde. He's never dated anyone like me and never really gone for girls like me. Yes he's slept with blondes, but not girly ones, more emo blonde.

I know I'm not the best kisser he's had, definitely not the best body. It makes me wonder if he would prefer someone different or if he "can’t get" the girls he wants so he settles for me. Also makes me wonder if he thinks about his exes.

He's never really touched me in bed, or been interested in sex. Doesn't even want to snog, but when we broke up he slept with 4 women, touched and snogged them all. He didn't fancy any of them, only 1 was really his type. They all rejected him afterwards. They were all drunk, as was he. His explanation for touching them was that there was no pressure, he wasn't focussed on them, he was just having sex because he was drunk and filling the void id left. Pretty much just doing what I'd always told him to do (eg touch)

If he doesn't make you feel beautiful or wanted I don't think he's worth your time 🩷

You deserve to be touched, be interested in and feel secure in your relationship.

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