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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

He's been promising her, his address for months but he won't follow through.

37 replies

BlueBlackYellow · 14/07/2024 13:33

My brother moved away abroad a few years ago. Earlier this year he had to move. He's been renting a new apartment since February.

He phones our mother maybe approximately once a month to say hello and for a chat. My mother doesn't know how to use a smartphone or technology and she says that he will send you a message with his address to me.

The thing is he's been saying this to her since March.

Every time I see our mother she's nearly requests for his address and I have nothing to give her. Not only that, she's becoming bitter and anxious and nearly wary as if I am withholding information and his address. I work too hard and have far too much crap going on aside from this bullshit.

My brother was a dockhead in the years before he went abroad when he was living at home. This is just more of it. He's been saying this since March to our mother over the phone and she's never giving up on it. At this stage it's clear he doesn't want to give it but he won't say it to her but why does he keep saying he will send it. March, April, May, June, July - many phone calls and he still hasn't sent it.

It's my head that my mother is fucking wrecking about this.

AIBU to be pissed off with my brother. He shouldnt be promising her anything if he can't follow through with it.

As a way to get myself out of this what do you think of this plan - the next time my mother asks me did I hear from him - I will tell her no and then I can tell her that my phone isn't working and I can't get new messages. (She won't know. She doesnt know how to use phones). Then tell her that the next time he's talking to him to ask him to send his address by mail to her.

And keep me out from whatever the fuck he's at.

He was taking Dr*GS in the years before he left and this is just more of him being deliberately cruel bumy promising her his address but through me and then not sending it.

If he was telling me and promising me his address and not following through - I would have fucked him out of it by now.

OP posts:
Needmorelego · 14/07/2024 13:52

There is something he doesn't want you and your mum to know. Why? Who knows.
The next time you talk to him say
"Listen Brother...you are causing mum a lot of stress by not telling us your postal address. This isn't fair to mum. Just tell us please or at least another address we can contact you at".
I would be curious to what his reply is.

AtrociousCircumstance · 14/07/2024 13:54

But he may not even be in Australia. Do you have any proof?

Choux · 14/07/2024 13:54

Thingsthatgo · 14/07/2024 13:50

My cousin couldn't give us an address in Australia because she outstayed her visa and wasn't supposed to be there.

This is another possibility which means he isn't in prison.

Choux · 14/07/2024 13:56

What type of visa did he go to Australia on? Does he have job skills which are in demand in Australia? Because if he doesn't his working holiday visa has likely run out and he would be there illegally.

HoppingPavlova · 14/07/2024 13:56

Another who doesn’t understand if she speaks to him, why she doesn’t just ask and write it down there and then.
Mum:’You still haven’t sent your address, what is it’
Son:’I’ll message it to sister and she can give it to you’
Mum:’You've been saying that for months, I have a pen and paper, just tell me and I’ll write it down’
Son:’no, it will just be easier to message it across’
Mum:’no, it won’t be easier for me as I won’t get it. I have the pen and paper and am writing it now. I’m not leaving the call till I have it. Now, what’s the number and street’

LoveWine123 · 14/07/2024 13:57

can you tell your mother he doesn’t want to give her his address (as evidenced that he hasn’t yet provided it). She can ask him directly and write it down on a piece of paper or she can accept that he won’t give it for whatever reason. You can explain to your mother that you can’t provide an address that he hasn’t given to you. She can ask him why directly and leave you out of it. This doesn’t have to be so difficult.

Catza · 14/07/2024 14:04

I don't understand the need to come up with an elaborate lie about your phone not working when you can simply say he's not been in touch with you and she should write his address on paper next time he calls.

Bemusedandconfusedagain · 14/07/2024 14:08

If he's definitely in Auatralia maybe he's homeless?

excelledyourself · 14/07/2024 14:15

Have you texted him and asked for the address?

Justcallmebebes · 14/07/2024 17:56

excelledyourself · 14/07/2024 14:15

Have you texted him and asked for the address?

Excellent plan! OP, can you do this?

Pigletin · 14/07/2024 19:45

I can tell her that my phone isn't working and I can't get new messages. (She won't know. She doesnt know how to use phones). Then tell her that the next time he's talking to him to ask him to send his address by mail to her.

This sounds utterly ridiculous to be honest. Does she not know how to write by hand?

loropianalover · 14/07/2024 19:47

She just needs a pen and paper.

Sounds like he might be homeless or in some sort of hostel?

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