Worried about potential partner's BMI/ weight history

[notsofit]

Posting here for traffic.
I have always battled my weight my whole life. Never bigger than size 14, but never been fit.
As a result, I'm very worried about having a child with someone who also has had weight issues as I'm concerned what this genetically means for the child.
My partner had a tummy tuck when they were a teen due to being overweight but is now fit.
We have talked about having kids.
AIBU to be concerned that our kids may struggle with their weight too if mum and dad had the struggle?
Pls be kind. Just worried.

It’s about awareness and habits. Sounds like your partner is very on the ball and mindful of a healthy diet, so this will be instilled into your child to? I wouldn’t worry x

Who knows? But the main thing is your current attitudes towards eating and fitness. That’s what any child will learn from.
I do think it’s a bit of a stretch to worry about that right now though. What are you going to do, not have a child in case they’re fat?

They may do they may not.
What would be the alternative getting a slim donor? I think that would do more damage if they ever found out why. Plus it guarantees nothing.

This being such a worry for you is more concerning imo as you're likely to transfer your weight and food issues onto your child and that will do them far more harm.
Maybe counselling would help you unpick it and find ways to accept yourself and your child.

If you feed your child with a healthy balanced diet and encourage exercise and portion control, then there's every likelihood they will find it easy to maintain a healthy weight. I disagree that fat is genetic. It's lifestyle and diet only, at least in the majority of cases.

No.

there is no need to “battle” weight.

set your family up with a healthy lifestyle. 80% healthy food, portion control, 3 meals a day. Ignore the fad diets.

concentrate on NEAT- non exercise calorie burn. So walk where possible, cycle, getting out and doing things at weekends. As little sitting down as possible.

find an activity you enjoy and will stick to. Whether that’s yoga or cross fit or birdwatching.

children the same. Decent healthy diet and don’t fall into the trap of worrying about them eating enough, or finishing their plates, or having x mouthfuls before they can finish/have pudding. Activity right from the start, toddle groups, take them to the pool for a splash, parks and soft play. When they’re old enough a balance bike, swimming lessons, dance/gymnastics, or martial arts to give them a good physical balance. As they get older try lots of activities and sports.

we have a rule where I don’t buy crisps/sweets/chocolate. If we want some we walk to the shop. Either we don’t want it that badly, or at least we get out and walk rather than just reach in the cupboard.

weight will have a genetic component, but it is primarily lifestyle. I know thin kids with fat parents- those kids tend to do a lot of sport. I know fat kids with fat parents- those kids eat and move in the same way as their parents. I’ve seen a fat kid with a super fit parent- the child was in a buggy on the school run until he was 5 because the mum ran to school and home, then taught exercise classes all day.

i “battle” with my weight because I was brought up by a mother who was very critical about weight and put me on my first diet at 9. My kids are both healthy and couldn’t give a shit about their weight- one does athletics, the other dance and they eat when they’re hungry. I’ve always tried to be very relaxed around food, if they want something, they have it. No rules, just the basic idea that they should be eating a bit of everything- some choices are better than others like porridge vs commercial cereal etc.

sorry it’s long, this is actually a sore spot for me having had a lifelong ED- I was determined my kids wouldn’t see food as an enemy.

Don’t be silly. If your partner was obese as a child, but is now fit. And if you are a size 14, but never been particularly fit, surely nothing could be a stronger argument for lifestyle and behaviour over genetics.

Your partner clearly had an unhealthy lifestyle as a child, but has lost the weight (with help) and is now fit. You aren’t obese at a size 14, but could be more fit if you put some effort in surely? That’s not bad genes.

I come from a ‘big’ family. I’m a size 16. I’m plenty fit. Can hike 25 miles in a day. Often go on long multi day treks. I’ve run two half marathons. My kids are both very slender. Because we eat well and have an active lifestyle.

Thanks for the comments, everyone.
I live a healthy lifestyle- watch what I eat, exercise regularly but the results are not proportional to the effort put in. I literally gain weight by just breathing. No kidding.
If I became busy or ill and missed my exercise routine for a short period for example, I easily gain 20 pounds within that month.
So, it's a daily active effort to eat little and healthy and exercise - running and cycling, to not get out of hand. I do believe some issues could be genetic. I am living through it.
I don't have an unhealthy relationship with food or my body. I just wouldn't wish the struggle upon anyone.

Most people in this country are overweight. It's becoming harder to be slim because of more sedentary lifestyles, processed foods, snacking etc. So in a sense nearly all of us have to make an effort to maintain a healthy weight.
It's all about instilling healthy habits in to family life. Be active, go out a lot, eat healthy foods, don't have lots of unhealthy snacks in the house. I don't see why your child would grow up with a weight problem if you and DH model healthy behaviours.

20lbs in 4 weeks? That's like eating an extra 220 Greg's sausage rolls on top of eating normally?

Yes, I have gone from 60kg to 75kg since June because I have been on the road for work and paused my gym membership, so the only exercises I get in are the odd cycling here and there and the weekly Parkruns.
I eat moderately and restrictively in comparison to people I know.
I have been discussing with my GP as this can't be normal.

op work out your tdee and adjust your calories. It’s possible to lose (& not gain) weight without exercising at all if your calories are right. It’s shit for short, sedentary people to only be able to eat 1,200 calories before they gain weight, but at 5ft 9 my maintenance calories are only 1,790 due to my age and desk job.

I’m fat and have 3 thin kids with healthy attitudes to food. It’s more about attitude and I think you’ll be more at risk of having fat kids if you focus on it like this.

Thank you for the idea. What's tdee please?
I honestly do not like that I'm exercise-dependent. Whilst I enjoy exercising, I wish I didn't have to do it like my life depended on it.
I do Pilates, cycling, and running mostly.
And I go to the spa too to drain the water weight.

Op I say this trying to help.

But eating restrictive in comparison to other people means nothing. There are certain conditions that may make weigh gain easier. Or losing it harder. But you can't gain 20lbs of fat in a month without over eating.

You may feel you are restrictive, but likely you just don't realise how much you are eating. Restrictive in comparison to others means very little. you aren't alone. I am over weight. Instead of trying to diet again I decided yo not change my eating but log all my food anyway. It was a pain, but it made me realise that I was eating far more than imagined. Even on days I didn't feel I had ate much. What I had eaten was higher calorie than I imagined.

I think if you have huge concerns about future children having weight issues, you may need to address this. Rather than worry about a partner who had weight issues but has resolved that and lived with a healthy weight for a long period. If this is such a big deal that it's a relationship deal breaker, then you need to address your own issues.

Both of my parents are overweight, they were very unfit my whole life and never did any exercise at all.

Both my and my brother are really into fitness, I'm a runner and my BMI is is 20, my brother is a gym guy and is in great shape to be fair. We are both in our 40s now and neither have ever really been overweight, bar a short spell when I first went to uni and went up to about a size 16 - so not exactly huge anyway.

I suppose the point of this anecdotal evidence is that you are more than your genes. If you choose to live a healthy lifestyle and take exercise then generally (and I know this isn't the case for everyone before everybody starts saying 'what if you have PCOS' etc, those situations are quite specific) you won't end up overweight. I really wouldn't worry too much about it, but teach your children the benefits of exercise and good nutrition from an early age.

Wow.

I have PCOS and recently just found out I have a growing fibroid, but never thought these could be a factor...

I’ve got one DC who’s naturally inclined to healthy eating, stops eating when full, all of that. Another DC who’s inclined to eat sweet stuff, overeats etc. You can’t control who they are ‘genetically’ in the way you think. Try to pick someone who’s a good partner for life and who wants to be a good parent with you. Beyond that, who knows what your kids will be like. You can be good role models but ultimately they’ll show you who they are and have their own battles you can’t predict.