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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Driving while tired

13 replies

Menora · 14/07/2024 08:49

My DD22 lives at home and has recently got a new boyfriend. He doesn’t drive and she does. She is going over there every evening after work and driving home at 2-3am after being at work all day. It’s about 5 miles down dark country roads. Then she is having to get up for work at 7am the next day and has a few times missed her alarm. She is very grumpy and tired, not helpful round the house and moody etc.

Regardless of being late for work, that’s her problem, we have got into an argument because I think it’s irresponsible to drive round country lanes at 3am because she will be tired and this increases the risk of accident. I ended up giving her a lecture from the website Brake about the risks of tired driving, not just to her but other people on the road too. She regularly has had about 3-4 hours sleep and worked a full day on her feet.

DD thinks I am just an annoying interfering old lady, she claims she isn’t tired at 3am and knows better than me, but actually it is really making me cross as I think driving tired is just as bad as driving after a few drinks and impairs your driving. I’ve held my licence for over 20 years and she’s had hers less than 2 years, so I do think I have more experience but she is an adult and can make her own choices. I can’t seem to get her to listen to the clear risks though. What would you do?

OP posts:
BabySnarkDoDoo · 14/07/2024 08:51

YANBU. Is there a reason she can't stay over at his house?

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 14/07/2024 08:53

I’d tell her to spend the night there and get a full nights sleep. Or I would tell her that he can spend the night at your house.

EatTheGnome · 14/07/2024 08:58

Why isn't she staying over there?

As an adult, I agree with your pov, but at that age I was doing the same as her (without missing the alarm). We were mostly asleep at his between 11pm and 3am.

We stayed at his as my mum had a strict out by 11pm policy for my boyfriend as she had an early start at work the next day and she was never really comfortable with us being in my room, even at that age, so that's why we went to his.

Menora · 14/07/2024 09:05

If she was asleep round his house that would be better but she isn’t as she replies to my messages.

She doesn’t want to stay yet as I assume it’s a new relationship they haven’t yet done the whole thing of seeing her with no make up on. She is self conscious about that.

OP posts:
Zanatdy · 14/07/2024 09:26

I agree with you and I wouldn’t be comfortable with her driving down country lanes at 3am. Not least because of the other people on the road after dark so no matter how careful she think she might be, risk of others causing accidents too. Why does she need to stay so late? Can the boyfriend come and stay at your house if she picks him up or he gets dropped off?

LlynTegid · 14/07/2024 09:28

I am with the OP and saddened that the DD is uncomfortable with being seen without make up.

Hoardasurass · 14/07/2024 09:31

Driving tiered is just as dangerous as drunk driving, there are many studies that prove this

Menora · 14/07/2024 09:35

Hoardasurass · 14/07/2024 09:31

Driving tiered is just as dangerous as drunk driving, there are many studies that prove this

Now she is just mad at me and says I am wrong. She isn’t tired

but I know this about the studies being just as dangerous and I said to her don’t you think all the other people who have accidents say they also aren’t tired and they don’t realise until it’s too late? I explained tiredness is not something you always have a conscious awareness of, it just can mean your brain is impaired way before you feel physically sleepy.

I don’t know how to get through to her. I have no issues with anyone sleeping over but I assume it’s cos it’s a new relationship they aren’t at that stage yet.

OP posts:
MeAgainAndAgain · 14/07/2024 09:41

That guy who had an accident involving a train near York went to jail because police looked at his phone and saw he was online instead of sleeping.

”An investigation, including reconstruction of the Land Rover to demonstrate that it was not mechanically defective, concluded that Hart had been driving in a sleep-deprived condition, and had not applied the brakes as his vehicle travelled down the embankment. It later transpired that Hart had stayed up the previous night talking on the telephone to a woman he had met through an internet dating agency.”

Selby crash.

Octavia64 · 14/07/2024 09:42

She will be tired.

But at that our there are very very few people on the roads and do the main life she is risking is hers.

also, and to be blunt about this, you cannot stop her. The most you can actually do is stop her getting into your houses which will have major repercussions.

Personally I'd accept this as a battle I can't win. She'll stay over eventually.

MeAgainAndAgain · 14/07/2024 09:48

It’s not only the 3am drive, it’s the next morning and the evening too.

zingally · 14/07/2024 09:52

She'll very quickly get tired of that to'ing and fro'ing.

The driving is a bit of a concern. The problem is, kids with fresh licenses tend to think they're invincible on the roads, until they have their first prang. I know I certainly was. I used to drive anywhere and everywhere, miles and miles on a whim.
When I did then have my first accident, it was quite a serious one - my car was written off - but I walked away from it. Many aren't so lucky. An acquaintance of mine from school was killed in his first ever accident. He was 18. He was a lovely lad with oodles of potential. Such a waste.

Bjorkdidit · 14/07/2024 10:10

Menora · 14/07/2024 09:05

If she was asleep round his house that would be better but she isn’t as she replies to my messages.

She doesn’t want to stay yet as I assume it’s a new relationship they haven’t yet done the whole thing of seeing her with no make up on. She is self conscious about that.

No, that's not a thing surely? Given the amount of time they've spent together, he's almost certainly seen a lot more of her than her unmade up face.

But unfortunately she's an adult and free to make her own choices and suffer the consequences.

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