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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Money on maternity leave

35 replies

LA1311 · 14/07/2024 07:00

I’m currently half way through my years maternity leave. I’m really lucky that my workplace pay full pay for 9 months and then half pay for the last 3 months.

My partner earns double my wages and we have argued about money in the past.

We decided that we should put our child tax credits into a bank account and use it for when we needed to make bigger purchases.

We pay for nappies, milk etc 50/50, and then I pay for his baby classes and anything else we do in the week (swimming, soft play etc).

I mentioned to my partner the other day that my wages are reducing soon and I asked if he would pay for the baby classes. It will cost £95 for the time on I’m on reduced pay. He said that we should use the money out of the child tax credits for those payments whilst I can’t pay.

AIBU to be annoyed at this, that I’ve paid for everything and now I’ve asked him to pay he wants to use the savings.

OP posts:

Tv23456 · 14/07/2024 07:10

He is mean and you have made a MASSIVE mistake having a child with him.
Good men are not mean.
This is your life and your relationship for as long as you tolerate it.
Unfortunately you likely have a miserable life ahead of you.
I suggest you read the many threads on MN about mean men.
It doesn't get any better, it gets a lot worse.
Take this very seriously and protect yourself.
He sees this child as yours, and your responsibility to pay for.
I feel very sorry for you but mean men make awful partners and fathers.
He is selfish and won't change.
Don't have more children with him.
I presume you are not married?
No surprise there, mean men hate sharing so avoid it.
Talk to family snd friends for support and think seriously is this really what you want for your child.

Get back to work early, you cannot afford to be on maternity leave any longer.

Surely you can see how off it is that he hasn't paid a penny towards his child?

bookish83 · 14/07/2024 07:15

You have been on full pay for 9 months and 1/2 for 3 months? That is an incredible mat leave package.

It would be nice if your partner split/helped paid for costs now you have less income however you are in a much better position than most on mat leave oay wise so to be honest I don't think its a massive deal for you to pay for your activity whilst off

sannax · 14/07/2024 07:19

I’m sorry you’re in this situation. What exactly does he contribute to family life if you go 50/50 on everything? If you are raising the children and managing the home as well as contributing financially…that is an unequal share of labour.

BlueMum16 · 14/07/2024 07:19

bookish83 · 14/07/2024 07:15

You have been on full pay for 9 months and 1/2 for 3 months? That is an incredible mat leave package.

So because OP has. A good package that makes it ok for her DP not to contribute to their child?

Your DP needs to pay at least half now OP but the money conversations should have taken place before getting pregnant.

I hope in the rest of your daily lives he is not as tight considering your income differences.

Violetlightning · 14/07/2024 07:22

I was in a similar pay situation on mat leave, when my pay reduced I decided to just do one paying class a week and then attended the local free classes. Also lots of play dates and visits to the park.

Is your partner usually tight with money? Or overly cautious? Could he be trying to be sensible or prehaps trying to save for something like a deposit for a property, wedding etc? If attending the classes means a lot to you then explain this to him.

SuuzeeeQ · 14/07/2024 07:26

You had 9 months full pay, presumably a lot less expenses (no commute, petrol, nights out) and need to argue over a relatively small amount? Your package is amazing, what would you have done on less?
You need to have a better conversation about money or cut down on baby classes (£95is a lot for classes). I am
surprised you didn’t discuss this beforehand.

FinchFrench · 14/07/2024 07:26

How will you split nursery costs when you go back to work?

PregnantWithHorrors · 14/07/2024 07:31

Partner? Make sure when you go back to work it's full time.

Meadowfinch · 14/07/2024 07:38

Using the TC money is fair enough. Your issue is not who pays for classes, but why your partner is not paying half in the first place?

Does he see the classes as your hobby? Or does he see the baby as your hobby?

Didimum · 14/07/2024 07:41

It’s very concerning your partner views his money this way. I would be having a serious sit down discussion with him. It’s difficult to view a person the same after something like this.

Peonies12 · 14/07/2024 07:43

I can’t see an issue with using the savings for the class - but isn’t there a much bigger issue here, like how are you going to pay for rent, bills etc whilst you’re on statutory maternity pay? Is your DP going to cover all that? I really hope you’re going back to work full time and splitting childcare costs evenly with DP.

JumpstartMondays · 14/07/2024 07:47

I can't see a problem with using money intended to benefit the baby, for the baby.

Pool resources with DH.

ThinWomansBrain · 14/07/2024 07:50

he should be paying half of all the children's costs generally - and more when your pay is reduced. Why are you supposed to pay for them?

Morph22010 · 14/07/2024 07:52

If you are in receipt of child tax credits you must both be on a fairly low income already. Maybe your partner is worried the classes aren’t affordable as well as covering the other bills from his wages, what is he actually paying from his wages in terms of bills?

whatthehellnpw · 14/07/2024 07:54

You must both be low earners to be receiving child tax credits (I didn't even know you could start a new claim for this) so I'd say you may need to knock the classes on the head. He's probably quite concerned about money.

But everything should be shared or at least 50/50 now you have a child.

PregnantWithHorrors · 14/07/2024 07:56

I wonder if OP might mean child benefit? The only people who could get child tax credit now with a first child are those who were previously on working tax credits, which would be really unlikely for a couple with no DC and the information OP has given

bookish83 · 14/07/2024 08:03

@BlueMum16

Because the OP has a good package she will not have been on Stat Mat pay or 0 pay like others. This means she has had access to 'normal' wages for a very good amount of time. If they are used to 50/50 split then nothing really has changed except this class being a big deal to her. He is not saying he won't pay he is saying use the child benefit (I'm guessing this not tax credits) which is fair!

Yes parents should pay equally bit its one class and she is attending for fun, not him. Let him book a weekend one and take the baby for 50/50 balance too!

Q124 · 14/07/2024 08:18

Are you sure you should be getting tax credits if he earns double your salary? Surely that means he's on a decent income?

Dishwashersaurous · 14/07/2024 08:25

Why on earth do women have children with men ,who they have argued about money with.

You are now a family. You need to pay all bills, and that includes costs for the children, jointly

Dishwashersaurous · 14/07/2024 08:27

And if you are on tax credits you are on a.low income and will also be about to have to move to universal credit.

Universal credit will look at household income and will expect there to be a single household budget. It won't be your money and his money

Original poster

LA1311 · 14/07/2024 08:53

Apologies it’s Child Benefit, the money that majority of people get. I don’t qualify for any universal credit or any other help because of his wages.

For a bit more background, bills are split 40/60 and I also pay for the car as it’s mine and he doesn’t drive. I have very little disposable income, and whatever I do have I spend on our son. But he is still expecting me to contribute my share of the bills when my wages decrease.

Agree it probably should have been discussed beforehand but I didn’t think it would be an issue.

The £95 is for 14 weeks worth of classes and our little one gets a lot out of them.
I would still pay for things like swimming and soft play.

OP posts:

DeedlessIndeed · 14/07/2024 08:58

Surely all child costs should be split along the same line as however you agree to split bills.
If you are earning half (or nothing) for a period, then surely you need to adjust the % contributions accordingly?

DeedlessIndeed · 14/07/2024 09:02

But agree with PP, have these conversations before the situations happen. When you talk about it in abstract it is a lot easier to be reasonable and logical with each other. When you are in the situation, it's so much harder to talk without getting emotive.
(Also good for identifying red flags pre- baby!)

Especially if not married etc and have limited protection.

EatTheGnome · 14/07/2024 09:03

I also pay for the car as it’s mine and he doesn’t drive

Dies he ever benefit from the car? Cheaper and more convenient groceries because you aren't buying from the corner shop? A lift to work when it's wet? Visits to his parents and days out?

Spirallingdownwards · 14/07/2024 09:08

Stop driving him in your car unless he pays £95 for the privilege for the same period of the term of classes.

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