Am I in the wrong? I feel so shit

[Ohdearnamechange]

I live with my H in his Council place. I have my own place but there is a mortgage owned, which my brother DS and DNs live in and pay (but only to cover the mortgage). For my (separate) flat I pay all rents, bills, his holidays etc.

I desperately want to escape. H isn't good for me. My H has rinsed me completely for savings and credit and I now owe a ridiculous amount to the bank. H cannot hold down work for more than 16h a week due to mental health. He's interspersed moaning at me about potentially having to move out with demands for money. I HAVE NONE. I have mental health stuff too, I've had to go into rehab a few times for mental health shit and have long term diagnosed issues so why??

Because it's all gone on him! I spent 11k last year on his holiday of a lifetime for a milestone birthday and he's expressly told me I'm getting nothing for my (same age) birthday this September. Every year when I was working he'd demand another 100, 200,500 etc.This year he's screaming at me every night because I have nothing to give him.

Please tell me to stop selling myself short. Any advice?? I am actually happy to walk away at this point, I can't deal with this on repeat.

He’s abusive OP and you do need to walk away he’s used you for everything he can and now you have nothing more to give he’s treating you like crap.
so I understand do you have a house that your family lives in that pays the mortgage for that and a flat as well? Can you go back home seen as you have your own flat that your still paying bills on?

The only wrong thing to do here is to stay!!

If you have somewhere else to go, then leave asap. Do not give him another cent. In fact tot up what he owes you for his half of the holiday etc and ask him when he'll be giving you that.

Another absolute cunt of a man using 'mental health' as an excuse to not be a decent person.

You should absolutely end this awful-sounding relationship, OP. Being single seriously has to be better than being a punching bag for this poor excuse of a spouse, surely? I wish you all the best.

You’re not in the wrong. Can you make a plan to leave and get to safety
Life doesn’t have to be this miserable. You deserve better.

My advice? Ditch him now. I was married to my ex husband for 20 years until I found out that the money I gave him to pay the bills was going in to slot machines and casinos.
Do yourself a favour and break away from him now. Easier said than done but there is help out there. Google Domestic Abuse / Domestic Violence organisations for your county and get their help.
Good luck to you 🤞

You have a house to go to. Go to it.

“I am actually happy to walk away at this point, I can't deal with this on repeat.”

It doesn’t sound like you need advice.
You know you should leave him.
You actually want to leave him.
So that’s great.

So what advice do you need here?
I can’t quite work out the housing situation here - 2 or 3?
His council house.
Your mortgaged house with your sister in.
Your rented flat?
So is that flat sat empty? In which case you literally only have to say “fuck this shit, I’m done” and move back into it.

Divorce can come later. How long have you been married? Brace yourself that you’ll lose some money to him, but less than he’d be able to skin you for the longer this shit goes on, and less than you’d lose out spending £11K on bloody holidays for him!!!! 😯

So many people are stuck due to housing and finances. You’re not. You literally can go today.

To be fair it was your CHOICE to spend £11k on a holiday...

The relationship sounds utterly toxic.

Pack your stuff and move out. Can you move in with your brother, DS etc... for now in the house you own?

Walk away today. Pack up your valuables and paperwork and walk out that door. Clothes can be replaced. Joint furniture can be left.

Tomorrow start looking into therapy and why you think you should have spent £11K on a holiday you couldn't really afford. What was wrong with 5K or even just a weekend break? That's what you need to explore. It will help with your split, and it will help with any future relationships.

Get out now.

Sorry everyone, when I say 'my flat' I mean the flat I live in now, which is H's council place. I don't have anywhere else to go, other than the house my brother and his family live in.

Re the 11k holiday I know, it was fucking stupid. H begged for business class and luxury and I gave in, seeing as it was his 40th. At the time I could afford it. The rest of the debt is because I had a major mental breakdown and lost my job earlier this year but have had to continue supporting this flat and him. But he refuses to up his hours and continues to ask me for money from credit cards etc.

It's OK, it looks like I'll be moving in with my parents and I have some interviews coming up on Monday. He doesn't know yet and I'm panicking a bit about that (literally ALL the furniture/white goods/electronics in here were bought by me and it seems unfair that I'm left with nothing after supporting us both for 6 years!).

Sorry for the rant.

Look at the freedom programme.

Get away from him ASAP. Take everything you've paid for and block him on all social media.

Fuck him.

Run from this loser.

Rant away.

Remember all those material items can be replaced. Your mental and physical health cannot. Get out while you can. If he starts asking for money and you are tempted to give in, either post here or ask your parents if it's a reasonable request of his (hint: it won't be).

Take things that cannot be replaced like jewellery or sentimental items. Take paperwork that will help the solicitors and your personnel paperwork. Take enough clothes for a fortnight.

You’ve posted before haven’t you? You’re a high earner who doesn’t want to kick your brother out your house so you can escape your addict husband. But you need to find a solution to leave because it sounds untenable and unhealthy for you.

Have you posted about this recently? You were given lots of advice, namely speak to your brother or family and get out and away from this man. The same advice applies. Just go, now.

This seems like identical post to one posted not long ago. They gave grate advice on it