No gift from wealthy father

[User24692]

Recently had my first baby. During my pregnancy my DF’s wife (my step mother) asked what we needed for the baby and I gave some suggestions (varying in budget from £30-£150).

My baby is now 6 weeks old and we haven’t received a gift from my DF and his wife. They are incredibly well off and I’m hurt that they haven’t even spent £5 buying my baby, their grandson, a present. They have great nieces and nephews on my step mother’s side who get spoiled rotten with gifts, trips and days out.

There’s no backstory regarding my relationship with my DF and step mother.

AIBU to feel hurt?

@notnowmarmaduke of course let baby sleep in a cardboard box, doesn't matter. Stop being so obtuse!

You're clearly as mean spirited as the GPs in this scenario.

Baby needs nothing, so don't bother?

Clearly upset their DD, but she's the one being unreasonable?

I can't remember if my mum bought anything for the babies when I gave birth, I'm sure she must have because it would have been strange for her not to, but I don't remember what it was.

What I do remember is the fresh bacon rolls and coffee she brought round with her when she came to visit us, and the mountain of laundry she cracked on with while there.

When you DF and DSM have been round, have they helped in other ways?

You're not being unreasonable to be disappointed though, especially when you see the children on your step mums family being showered with gifts.

lol I guess the baby doesn’t mind walking everywhere

It’s terrible that they haven’t even got a card and a small plush or keepsake, doesn’t need to be expensive.

Has the OP not got a pram? To expect someone else to buy one of the most expensive items is extremely presumptuous. Even if they are wealthy.

@DoAClassicCamel good job OP didn't ask for a pram then?

Definitely not waiting for a christening as we are not religious.

DF certainly won’t be offended that we didn’t ask them to buy a big ticket item grandparents would usually buy (pram, car seat etc)

A previous poster has hit the nail on the head. Step mothers family benefit massively from DFs wealth, my siblings and I don’t. I should have known to expect this!

Step mothers family benefit massively from DFs wealth, my siblings and I don’t.

That must be really galling. But just to play devil's advocate, step mothers family also benefit massively from the fact she can be bothered to sort presents etc, and you benefit slightly (in the past at least you said she'd sorted your gifts too). So the core issue is your father not being bothered enough to buy his daughters gifts... which beyond sucks, I get that!

Wankers. I bought a nice gift for my next door neighbours new baby because I was happy for them and your own father can't be bothered. Don't spend time with people who don't make you happy. It took me years to learn that. I'm a lot happier now.

You say they benefit massively which would suggest that it would be obvious to everyone that your SM family is favoured financially. Have you or your siblings ever raised the inequity regarding gifts etc with your father?

Maybe when you were asked by SM and suggested gifts from £30-£150 you should have been more direct saying “can you get us a xyz please?”

There is nothing remotely graceful about asking where a gift is.

This is your father. Can you not actually have a conversation with him about this?
It would be expected that your parent would buy a gift, so I'd be frank and say 'hey, dad, we could really use a Baby Bjorn sling (or whatever). We'd be thrilled if you could give that to us as a baby gift'? Or as mentioned upthread (and a really good idea): 'hey we've opened a savings account in X's name, here are the account details if you'd like to gift him/her something for the future'. If he comes back with 'oh I'm sure (his wife) is sorting something', say 'well she hasn't yet and we'd love a Baby Bjorn/would appreciate any gift for baby's future'.
Not sure why people are going on about being passive aggressive or graceful or whatever - this is your parent just ask him!

Yes my mum didn't buy anything for 3 of mine.

It hurt.

My mil was unbelievably overbearing during my pregnancy and strong armed me into a baby shower, when I hate them. (We did one just my FH’s side. She came to the baby shower and went on and on about how she was going to buy the car seat.

Shocker, she never did. Just wanted the glory of having said she did. She also got to visit the baby first (we knew she’d kick off if someone from my side did), she arrived empty handed. Said to me, I’d have brought flowers but I’m sure others will. Yes others did. And bought kindness and joy into our lives too. I’m no contact and life is so much nicer.

have you had a conversation with your father about why his first family are treated second best? I would and based on that reevaluate the effort I put into him. It’s not about the present, it’s the abundance for your step mother’s family and the deficit for you and your siblings