AIBU to be upset my in laws ‘forgot’ my sons birthday

[Anonymous43]

For context before having kids I had a great relationship with my in laws but since my children came along the dynamics have shifted.
My husband is the baby of his parents and was the last to have children and it seems as though our kids aren’t as ‘special’ as his parents other grandkids.
They aren’t around to help with my kids because they look after my husbands sisters kids on a permanent daily basis while she works. This is fine because we don’t require childcare from them as we send our kids to nursery however it does mean they see our kids a lot less understandably.
I’ve always thought it was quite obvious my kids take a back seat to my husband’s sisters kids as even if my in laws are with us they constantly reference the other kids rather than just being in the moment with us. They spend every Christmas and birthdays with them and we are always an afterthought which to be honest I’ve got used to however recently it was my second child’s birthday and it was gone 3pm before I even got a text from my MIL wishing him a happy birthday. I know for a fact that had this been her daughters children she would have been at the house from first thing in the morning giving presents, balloons, cards etc yet my baby boy doesn’t even get thought of til 3pm… AIBU for this to upset me?
also to be clear my parents make a huge fuss of my kids so they aren’t missing out on any grandparent affection it just upsets me that my kids seem to be an afterthought

No you are not being unreasonable. This is a story I've read many times on Mumsnet over the years. It must be rather hurtful.

This is why I am glad that both myself and DH are only children! None of this crap to contend with. Notwithstanding what goes on RE elderly care one day too - we know it will fall to us so won’t feel let down by selfish lazy siblings like my poor mum did.

So sorry you are going through this OP. I would be sad too.

Thank you. It is really hurtful but my son knows no difference and is the happiest little boy so that helps

My youngest sons dad and grandmother forgot his birthday one year his dad literally has his DOB tattooed on him it's one of the reasons ds has nothing to do with him anymore especially as they all remembered his brothers a few weeks prior his brother was apocalyptic and told them flat if they did it again he was returning his gifts to them and never speaking to them again

Appreciate your comments, thank you

I just don’t understand this at all, how can you ‘favour’ some grandchildren to the others. And when you make it so obvious as well! Such a hard position to be in, sorry your going through that

Make sure to forget all of theirs.

My husband's dad and his wife are like this. One fathers day my husband said he'd pop round with Son's Name to drop a card off, and did his dad want to pop out for a coffee. Radio silence for an hour, then a message back saying "We'd rather you not bring the dog".

My husband had to reply "No, Son's Name is your human grandchild".

It fucking hurts like hell because the kids on her side get spoiled and adored and ours end up with the scraps.

Prior to this they'd forgotten birthdays, ruined our first anniversary with bickering and passive aggressive bullshit. We've cut contact dramatically, but I'm not sure they've actually noticed.

I have this from in laws between my own children. My daughter is the only grand daughter and gets lavished , my son is an after thought. We have brought gifts before now to pretend they are from grandma just to make up the shortfall and wished him a happy birthday from them even though they haven't got round to doing it themselves

My son was grandchild #14 and I am my husband's second wife. My MIL was always perfectly pleasant when she saw us - about 3x times a year - but there was never any real interest in either of us. I let it wash over me as meant I could, for example, spend every Christmas with my family. Our son, fortunately, had lots of input from other members of my husband's family as well as my mum and dad so never seemed affected, thankfully.