Me and my son’s father split up at the beginning of the year. I realised he was an emotionally abusive narcissist and I couldn’t put up with the belittling, talking over me and constantly walking on eggshells. In addition to this there were many lies (hidden debts of £30k and gaslighting me when I found out, sex texting ex girlfriend who he told me he never slept with, going out one night after drinking and spending the night at his work office, hit and run with someone’s dog and then hiding this from me for months, only telling me when the police contacted him with their evidence. I decided it would be best for DS if he didn’t grow up thinking this behaviour towards women was acceptable.
STBXH and I lived a 5 minute walk from the primary school. I have moved into my own place which is 20 minutes north of where I used to live with him. He stayed at the house we shared together (renting) saying that I had to move out as I was the one ending the relationship.
I have DS 8 nights (but 9 days) out of every 2 weeks. STBXH has DS 6 nights (but 5 days) out of every 14 days and nights.
I was working south of where I live and on the way to my office so school drop offs weren’t an issue. I’ve now finished working there and got a job closer to home which is north of where I live and which incidentally is in the same town that STBXH works but the other side of town (STBXH travels 40 minutes north of where he lives to get his job).
I approached STBXH about this recently and said that now the summer is coming up it would be worth potentially moving schools for DS to a school that STBXH has to drive past anyways to get to work and nearer to where DS and I live. He has blankely refused and said that I was the one changing things again and why does everyone else have to change what they’re doing to accommodate my changes. I get that DS is happy at his school, but it’s a good 20 minute drive from me and I’ve changed my work hours at the new job to accommodate driving 20 minutes south to drop DS off at school, turning around and driving 40 minutes north (and past my house to get to work). I’ve agreed with him to keep DS at the same school as I feel guilty suggesting a new school.
DS told me recently that STBXH isn’t sure that he can afford the place we shared together as it’s a 3 bed semi and that he might be moving (he told my mum that he same thing). STBXH got really cross with me when I asked for child maintenance. STBXH said that he wanted us to buy things for DS as and when he needed it, but historically I always bought everything for DS.
STBXH said his circumstances might change soon in any case and so we can look at a new school for DS at that point. I love where I’ve moved to with DS and would love to get into the local community, meet new mums and allow DS to make new friends. He is an only child and STBXH never takes DS out to meet other children, whereas I am always arranging play dates and times to meet with friends who have children themselves. STBXH likes to plonk DS in front of his tablet for 8-10 hours when he has him every other Sunday. The guilt I feel dropping my son off to STBXH is bad but I don’t think I can stop DS seeing his father and I hope and pray every time he’s with him that he’s not shouting at DS or getting stressed.
AIBU to want to move DS school? Even if I wanted to, I don’t think there is much I can do without STBXH consent.