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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Does friend fancy husband?

14 replies

Zozo1990 · 13/07/2024 22:38

Hi,

I have a friend (let's call her Amy) who's going through a messy break up with her husband. I've been supporting her for a year with this (helping with school pick up/drop off, cooking food, being a soundboard for her to vent, etc). However lately, I've felt a bit awkward around her for a number of reasons. One of which is, we have a mutual friend (Helen) who she was more close to than me. A lovely, sweet lady who has had a tumultous upbringing. She used to go out with Helen and Helen's husband and children frequently. But something happened between her and Helen and she stopped talking to Helen. She just blanks her whenever she sees her, just cut her off. So it's been like this for a couple of months, but then I noticed that Amy attempts to talk to Helen's husband all the time. I find it odd that she isn't friends with Helen anymore but will try to talk to Helen's husband. He doesn't engage in conversation with her anymore and moves away. She's made comments a few times to me that Helen is too insecure and emotional, but her and Helen's husband are on the same wavelength and their thinking is the same.

Am I wrong to think she shouldn't be trying to talk to Helen's husband when she isn't friends with her anymore?! And I've just got the ick from her because of this and a couple more issues that I won't go into otherwise it will get too long.

OP posts:
Didimum · 13/07/2024 22:42

I’m not sure it’s any of your business? If she’s bothering you in general just pull back and get some space.

BowlOfNoodles · 13/07/2024 22:44

Didimum · 13/07/2024 22:42

I’m not sure it’s any of your business? If she’s bothering you in general just pull back and get some space.

Op might be wondering if her husband will be amys next target.

JurassicClark · 13/07/2024 22:50

Not really your business. What benefit is there to Helen, Amy or anyone else if you stick your oar in?

Pull back a bit if she's overstepping.

Zozo1990 · 13/07/2024 22:53

JurassicClark · 13/07/2024 22:50

Not really your business. What benefit is there to Helen, Amy or anyone else if you stick your oar in?

Pull back a bit if she's overstepping.

But I haven't stuck my oar in. I've just asked for some perspective that am I being unreasonable to think this is not right and I feel uncomfortable around her because of this and a few other things. Helen has massively helped her through her divorce, I find it uncomfortable that this is how she is behaving.

OP posts:
Bellsandthistle · 13/07/2024 23:13

Why does it make you uncomfortable? If she had a falling out with Helen, she doesn’t have to blank Helen’s husband as he wasn’t involved.

wiggleweggle · 13/07/2024 23:19

I would
Chat to Helen about it

Zozo1990 · 13/07/2024 23:19

Bellsandthistle · 13/07/2024 23:13

Why does it make you uncomfortable? If she had a falling out with Helen, she doesn’t have to blank Helen’s husband as he wasn’t involved.

Because she's saying how he is too good for Helen, and how she and him are more alike than Helen and him. She was friends with her not him.

OP posts:
Zozo1990 · 13/07/2024 23:20

I find her behaviour distasteful especially after Helen has helped her through her divorce the most.

OP posts:
Thepeopleversuswork · 13/07/2024 23:36

She sounds like a shit stirrer but there’s no benefit to you in getting involved.

It sounds as if Helen and her husband are onto her anyway so maybe leave it to them.

K37529 · 13/07/2024 23:43

I would pull back from her, not because she’s talking to Helen’s husband, but because Helen helped her so much through her divorce, and now she is badmouthing Helen to you, saying her husband is too good for her. I don’t like people like her, what does she say about you when you’re not around?

BookArt · 14/07/2024 07:24

I said you are being unreasonable as your relationship with Amy should depend on your relationship with Amy.

If she's bad mouthing Helen and you don't like it why can't you nicely tell her' let's not talk about her, we have better things to talk about' and change the subject.

Anything awkward should be addressed.

Or if you are just done with the friendship start distancing yourself. It doesn't need a big reason like Helen, you've just figured out she isn't your cup of tea.

The Helen thing is all assumption, I wouldn't be asking Helen about the situation as you don't really know her well enough to do so, and would then be inserting yourself into drama you don't need or want.
But I fell out with a cousin and still say hello to her husband on the school run. I fell out with her, doesn't mean I now dislike him. He says hello back, done.

Edingril · 14/07/2024 07:28

Zozo1990 · 13/07/2024 23:20

I find her behaviour distasteful especially after Helen has helped her through her divorce the most.

So you find it distasteful? And? it is still none of your business

And people can fancy who they like the person they fancy can say no

Gingerdancedbackwards · 14/07/2024 07:28

None of your business in the slightest

ChilledMama85 · 14/07/2024 07:37

yep I think its very weird to chat to Helen's husband & saying Helen is insecure etc. classic move imo

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