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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Can’t live alone or with people

10 replies

Pelani · 13/07/2024 22:20

Obviously I’m BU as it has to be one or the other, but I’m just wondering if anyone else has felt like this? I lived alone for a while as an adult, and found it very lonely. Have also lived as an adult with family members, whom I love, and in various flatmate situations, with people I get on with (so the problem isn’t disliking the people I live with), which on balance I prefer. But sometimes I just wake up in the morning or come home in the evening hating the idea of having to make conversation and just have my habits observed - what I’m eating, how I’m spending my time, etc, I just want the freedom to do what I want without eyes on me. Which of course would point to living alone, which I could afford. But I know I really didn’t like it last time I did it.

Has anyone else felt like this, like it’s impossible to find a living situation that completely works for you? How did you resolve it? Is it basically something that can only be resolved by finding a romantic partner, and then you don’t feel crowded sometimes or get annoyed sometimes by having them around?

OP posts:
Zumarocks · 13/07/2024 22:38

It's not resolved by having a partner 😂 they still observe everything and comment on it, and you still fantasise about living alone (well I do anyway) 😂

QueenCamilla · 13/07/2024 22:42

I'm very content living alone. It beats being in a cohabiting relationship.

I go out to socialise if I feel lonely.

OriginalUsername2 · 13/07/2024 22:44

Have you tried Cats?

unsync · 13/07/2024 22:44

This is why we have pets. They are the perfect balance. Although don't get a cat if you don't want to be judged!

CherrySocks · 13/07/2024 22:45

We should really have trial periods of living with people to see if we are domestically compatible.

BillyNoMates9 · 13/07/2024 22:48

Yanbu. Sometimes it's lovely to have companionship, not all the time though! Being able to potter round and do anything you like, with no one to judge, is very under rated.

Garlickest · 13/07/2024 22:51

What I'd really like is someone to come round for a couple of hours a day, do my housework and so on, have an interesting chat for half an hour or so, then go away.

If I were rich I'd have a paid companion/housekeeper, pop her/him in a flat of their own with a car so they could drive me places I wanted to go, and leave them to their own devices most of the time. It's a plum job for the right person, I just need the funds!

lawnseed · 13/07/2024 22:56

This is why people have pets.

XenoBitch · 13/07/2024 23:01

I have lived alone and with partners. Never house shared or anything like that. I could not manage moving in with strangers.

A common complaint was that I wanted my own space/time to myself.
If I lived with someone again, we would need our own rooms (not necessarily bedrooms) so I could have that time and space to decompress.
If that makes sense?

Maybe someone who has a similar mindset to yourself would work for you.

Pelani · 14/07/2024 21:09

Zumarocks · 13/07/2024 22:38

It's not resolved by having a partner 😂 they still observe everything and comment on it, and you still fantasise about living alone (well I do anyway) 😂

I don’t know whether that’s comforting or not! 😂

OP posts:
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