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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Help please

7 replies

Deep18 · 13/07/2024 20:10

It's the first time I'm posting cause I don't know what to do. I've been married for 10 years and we have a toddler together. After my maternity leave, I started a new job which I left after 4 months and decided to be a stay at home mum. However, my husband would constantly tell me how stupid I am, how I don't contribute financially and I eventually started looking for another job. I got an offer and I'm due to start soon.

This morning, we had a massive argument - my husband was chilling on the sofa while I was busy making breakfast and cleaning the house at the same time. When I started complaining, obviously he became very rude and said that I am a big zero and everything I have is only because of him and if he's not here, I can't do anything. I don't usually complain but I stay with my child 24/7. My child sleeps with me cause my husband doesn't like to co sleep so he sleeps in the other bedroom. My child still wakes up and I don't get much sleep but I am still expected to do everything in the house - cause I don't work.

So, he gave me the silent treatment the whole day. In the end, I asked him what does he want to do and he told me to move out, with my child and we will get a divorce. He said I'm stupid, a moron, imbecile cause I won't survive. I will get myself in debt and ruin my child's life. I can't live without support and I'm just going to fail. I just listened to everything he said, nothing positive at all. He doesn't even care if his child would have to stay somewhere else - as long as I learn my lesson.

He kept asking me why am I not leaving and I said I have to think about my child and if I'm honest, I'm scared and I don't know what to do. We kept arguing right in front of my child and then he pushed me violently and I felt like my soul came out or something.

I don't know what to do and I don't have anyone to go to either. I can't stay with him but I don't want my child to grow without a dad. I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
Gingerbreadmoon · 13/07/2024 20:25

I’m not sure what country you are in but in the uk there are organisations such as womens aid who would help to give you advice around leaving an abusive partner. He is gaslighting you, demeaning you and is now physically violent. Totally unacceptable, so sorry you have to go through this. Take care and don’t underestimate your worth as a strong woman who birthed this amazing child xx

Sobersally · 13/07/2024 20:28

You do not have to live like this. If you are in the UK please call women’s aid for advice or go to the local social care office who will help you and your child. Women’s aid (and social care) can help you look at options/refuge/temporary housing etc to keep you and your child safe xxx

Didimum · 13/07/2024 20:28

Your child is in physical and emotional danger with a dad like this. Get out, call women’s aid and report the assault to the police.

Deep18 · 13/07/2024 20:32

I am in the UK. If we divorce, can I refuse joint custody? I don't want my child to become like him.

OP posts:
cestlavielife · 14/07/2024 00:11

Leave tomorrow to a friend or relative and report his pushing you to police
Seek legal advice about divorce

MrsJHernandez · 20/01/2025 03:22

Seek legal advice and contact the Police. You cannot stay with this vile excuse of a man for a moment longer.

As a "fan" of true crime I can categorically promise you that he won't change, so please do not give him another chance. Even if he gets on his knees and begs and pleads and cries. He's not really sorry and it will happen again, no matter what he says.

Leaving is a scary and uncertain time, but life WILL get better for you. You have a new job starting soon, and a beautiful baby who needs their mummy to be strong, healthy and happy.

Unfortunately, I don't think you can refuse joint custody, that is a matter for the courts to decide based upon evidence. Make sure your solicitor knows just how abusive this man has been to you and that he didn't care if his innocent, defenceless baby was homeless. If you receive verbal abuse by text, voicemail or email, save it.

Do you have any money? Or someone, anyone at all who can help with money or a place to stay? Alternatively, there are places you can seek refuge as a victim of DA with a small child. These organisations can also signpost you to further assistance.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's absolutely shocking how some men feel that this is an acceptable way to treat his wife and mother of his child.

You ARE strong enough to get through this OP. Good luck my lovely.

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