Overly grateful man, got a bit weird, what now?

[Cerialkiller]

I attended an event with my client company last week (I freelance) and got to meet lots of the team, all great.

I offered to pick people up who were nearby but only one said yes so off I go on the day and pick up one guy, P. First time meeting.

P is perfectly pleasant if slightly awkward and we get to the venue, where he hands over a bottle of real champagne and a card as a thank you gift. Extremely kind and I tell him so and thank him very much.

We go to the event where he insists on buying me a very expensive cocktail (I was getting one but he insists on paying). Keeps offering me wine despite me declining as I'm driving. At 10pm we are about to leave and he turns up with another cocktail that he says he bought for me, I say absolutely not, he then says he actually bought it for himself but that I should 'have a sip' 'oh go on' etc. I decline but have to do so quite strongly. By this time he's had well over a bottle of wine to himself plus to two cocktails over about 4 hours.

We drive back to my car with someone else and he's over sharing, keeps taking about being devorced, keeps asking about me (I tell him I'm married a couple of times) but it's fine, he's a bit tipsy so whatever.

It's now 1am, I drop him and the other guy back home and go home to bed myself all good I think, great day, nice people.

I get up this morning and fetch his gifts from the car to show DH, open the card which says thank you very much, and £40 falls out.

I think if it wasn't for the cash, I wouldn't think twice but now all the other things are bothering me a bit and I'm slightly uncomfortable with it all. I want to brush it off as him being just a bit clumsy and trying to be nice and going a bit overboard.

The thing is, with the cash I really feel like I should send him a message thanking him again but I don't really want to engage.

I'm possibly overreacting here, I had a work colleague befriend me in a similar way in my 20s and it became very clear he wanted more to the point of inappropriate behaviour and so this latest thing is setting off my instincts.

So what does everyone think? Leave it? I'm unlikely to see him much and I'm not really in a position to complain as I don't work for the company. He hasn't really done anything 'wrong' either.

That would make me feel really uncomfortable too. I think I'd find a way to return the money. He sounds like he's taken your small piece of kindness very extremely though, so I would be wary of engaging further. Are you sure you're unlikely to have much to do with him at work going forward?

His reaction is very disproportionate to receiving a lift, but my immediate thought is that perhaps he's lonely or unsure of social etiquette rather than him fancying you. I'd be inclined to not say anything else and not try to return the money either as likely to just be awkward. Just keep a professional distance from now on.

Do you know where he works? I would take the champagne and money and drop it off at reception with a card saying thanks but there's really no need

Yes that my thoughts. The booze and card must have been bought and prepped before even knowing what I look like.

Hmm. I've just remembered he said that he had looked me up (my company), in fact it was one of the first things he told me. So he may very well have found me on linked in as they know my full name from the list of attendees that was sent round.

He works almost entirely on site away from the office and I work mostly remote, only come into the office once a month or so. We don't even work in the same sector of the business. I work with new projects where as he only deals with existing for example.

I've worked with them for nearly 2 years and it's the first time we met.

If you're referring to my post, I'm sure if he was informed there was something for him at reception, he would come and pick it up. No need for embarrassment as you obviously won't see each other again.

Yes it's the awkwardness I'm trying to avoid. For both of us really. I did get the sense he might struggle to make friends. I'm pretty awkward myself so no judgement but it was all too much.

There's no real way to leave anything at the office for him without making it awkward for him and it's the kind of place (small family company) where it would get around. I will have to think if there is another way.

My DH isn't helping as he thinks it's hilarious!

Do you have anything in your contract/terms that discusses gifts from clients? If so, that could be a good "excuse" to return it. ("No judgement, I just can't accept")

Also, was it a long journey? Was the money reasonable for a contribution to petrol/mileage?

If not (to either/both issues I raised) then I think you have to decide whether you want to reopen communication with him. If you're feeling uncomfortable then my gut would say don't engage any further. If there were some dodgy motives behind it, then you might be encouraging him to stay in touch.

very weird, how long was the drive?!

The drive was about 20minutes extra in both directions so 40mins. On the return trip the other guy lives 5minutes away from P.

I think he sounds socially awkward rather than anything else. Was the £40 maybe for petrol money? A bit excessive but could be trying to compensate you for going out of your way. I'd be inclined to keep the champagne, as it would feel rude to return a gift, but return the money. I'd just tell him thank you but there was really no need, the champagne was very kind and more than enough. And hopefully that would be the end of it!

I think just return the money with a note to say 'no need', through the post if you really can't leave it at reception.

Just say thank you but there was no need to do that, then forget it.

If he then insists, nominate a charity for it to go to.

I would email him

title - Following up from x event

Dear Bob

I hope you found the x event valuable, I thought it was a great opportunity for [work related something].

Thanks again for the lift-share gift, which was very generous. I really didn’t have to go far out of my way, so I have donated the money to the local hospice [or whoever you give it to] who were extremely grateful for the donation.

Best regards
etc

Do nothing. Let it blow over.

Doing anything keeps it going

Did he drink from the cocktail he insisted you had a sip of?

He does sound OTT. Could be that he's just socially awkward, he could just like splashing his cash or it could be something more sinister. I think the best thing to do is to do nothing at this point

He was hitting on you. The trying to ply you with drinks and over sharing about his divorce are classics. Giving you money is over the top and creepy, as if he's saying; "There's more of this coming if you'll just see me again."
He also sounds like he may have a drinking problem.
I would leave it. He sounds like he could pose a problem if he feels he has the slightest encouragement from you.

An awkward evening that's best forgotten. Don't do or say anything more.
It would be too awkward to return the gifts.
Sounds like you won't need to see him much anyway. If you do see him don't mention anything about the evening. If he brings it up, just bat it away quickly and talk about work stuff.

I agree.

Block him and ignore him at work. Never speak of it again. He was clearly trying to sexually proposition you and any contact you have with him will add fuel to his fire of delusion.

Thanks guys. You have reassured me that I'm not overreacting. I think I will leave it as it is though and no further contact for fear of making things worse.

If there is further contact or any other weirdness I will deal with it but I don't want to rock the boat over a slightly drunken special occasion. I can always approach his boss/my client about it and gently suggest he came on a bit strong but it's too soon to do that now. My boss employs lots of women in a male dominated field so I think he will good if this goes further.