To lose interest in a guy for this

[Lou9453]

I have been dating a guy for few weeks and we have been intimate several times with protection . I said nothing will happen without using anything to keep me safe and don’t want kids (I am on contraception ), but last time he got a bit carried away and didn’t put anything on at the start . Then when I said there’s consequences he stopped and put one on . It was fun in the moment , but after I felt frustrated that my boundary was ignored so have lost interest in him. He tried to reassure me that it took several times being intimate to conceive my son so will be fine . But now I’ve told him I’m upset as it was careless and put me at risk so paused seeing him. He’s apologised lots and promised to not do it again .I don’t know if I’m overreacting ?!

Are you worried about pregnancy or STD's?

Either way it's a bit shitty and he shouldn't have done it

You're not. Easy for him to say. He wouldn't be the one carrying the baby to term, giving birth, breast feeding, juggling single motherhood and work. He'd be the one shagging some new woman without a condom.

Everyone has boundaries and this is a perfectly reasonable one. It’s fine to go off anyone for anything, so this is more than reasonable.

He knows it’s a fantasy of mine for wanting to do it with nothing but I didn’t give permission for what he did . And he now says if he knew how upset id be he wouldn’t have done it .
I dont know if im being a fool to date somebody like this 🤷‍♀️

I would not want to date a guy who could be so casual about the possibility of getting a woman pregnant.

No glove no love.

Have people completely forgotten about STDs these days?

I'd never have stolen your car if I'd realised how upset you'd be.

I'd never have eaten your lunch if I'd known how upset you'd be.

You told him not to. He did it anyway.

If he couldn't imagine you'd be cross the he has a very limited understanding and isn't ready for an adult relationship.

Do not accept him back. All that will do is teach him it's ok to trample your boundaries.

If he's a nice guy, you've taught him never to do it again. If he's not, he'll carry on in the hope he'll get away with it.

I think you're under reacting, and that this is him shit testing you.

It would be a block and don't look back from me.

Why did you even let him start? You both got carried away.

You are never unreasonable to loose interest in a guy. You never need to justify it if you want to end it.

Incidentally this is how my dd was conceived. I thought he put one on but he hadn't/had taken it off. One time. I'd tried for a baby in a previous relationship for 15 months and never conceived. Just because it took time before doesn't mean it always will

It would be a no from me too.

I had a FWB a few years ago and we always used condoms as we were not exclusive. One night he came over and we had a bottle of wine and went to bed. I put the condom on him so know it was there. He left after sex and when I woke in the morning it was pretty obvious the condom wasn’t on at the end, yet there it was in the bin. I text him and he told me he’d taken it off mid way then binned it to be polite!

I was absolutely fuming and didn’t see him again after that.

It is not acceptable for him to not used a condom if you have specifically told him too.

tell him why then delete and move on.

Dump

When he has ignored an important boundary that was clearly not implicitly stated, like no unprotected sex that would be it for me I'm afraid. If he can do that after a few weeks, what other lines will he be trying to cross as time goes on.

You mean he ejaculated inside you? That’s shocking and much worse than OP’s situation. You were absolutely right to bin him immediately.

Stealthing - removing a condom without permission during sex - is classed as rape under English law.

I've been with my partner for over a decade. When I had to come off oral contraception and in between having an IUD I insisted on using condoms just in case. He never once tried to cross the line with that, he didn't want to take chances either (our fear was pregnancy not added STDs from a new partner) but nonetheless, even in the heat of the moment he never put a foot wrong with it. If he had any respect for you, he wouldn't do even try to push it.

And he now says if he knew how upset id be he wouldn’t have done it .

So he would have ignored this very clearly stated boundary if he thought you'd be a bit less upset? I think you are under-reacting if anything.