Neighbor

[MoreCoffee52]

Hi.
I moved into a new flat 2 months ago with my teenage daughter. Im 52.
New neighbor is about 30, single with 3 small children. She is very friendly and want us to spend time together, which we have done a few times - coffee in the garden. She asked several times that my daughter looking after her 3 children, for 5 pound an hour. My daughter Said no.
So now She is very interested in me looking after her children for various reasons, she going to party, going shopping, tanbed etc.
I really dont want to look after her children and have Said so. But she keep asking ! I keep saying no, but feel i need reasons, so i Lie.
As she is very friendly it is hard for me to be blunt. It is also hard saying no to her children who knock on my door to say hello to my cat. Now i just dont open my door..
but it is not very Nice to hide and Lie - and also not very Nice to be blunt.
Any advice?

Honestly I would keep doing what you're doing. It sounds like if you give an inch, she'll expect a mile.

Be blunt.
Tell her your days with little children are over, and no, you won't be babysitting.

£5/hr is insulting to your DD too - it's at least £10/HR round here, but more for 3 kids!

I agree, draw a firm line or this will get worse. No we don't want to babysit, thank you.

Also it's perfectly acceptable to say, please stop asking, I won't change my mind and it's making me uncomfortable.

Can't her ex have the kids? I'd really despise this, I'm 52 and knackered weekends and they're my sanctuary

Tell her you don't like kids.

I wouldn't even do it once, not even if she'd cut the end of her finger off slicing frozen cheese because she is clearly trying to take advantage of you both.

Their dad is in prison.. her mom is useless and her friends the same. She is very alone with the children and she really need help. But i dont want to!
I guess this is a lesson in being assertive. But it is so difficult because she is so friendly.
And yes, 5 pound an hour is ridicilous. One child is 1 1/2 year Old.
Every time i go to my terrasse she or the children talk to me. So now i am sneaking out. I really dont want bad atmosohere.

And thank you all for replying, it is so difficult for me to just say no..

It's difficult with neighbours. I think she's going to keep pushing. What you're saying and doing is good. You might want to say at some point "look, sorry, I'm never going to look after your children, there will always be a reason, but the reality is that it's not for me". Also, you've tested the water for a friendship, you may now want to back off, become unreliable, absent, distant but friendly.

You have to harden your heart a bit. It isn't your responsibility to make her life easier just because you happen to have moved in next door to her.

You can still talk to her and the children when you pass one another.

Maybe talk to the children before they get in first so you can control the conversation more. Ask they if they are just getting back from the shops or did they get wet when it rained or something. Compliment their T-shirt or their plaits or how well they are kicking the ball.

Have a stock of phrases

Yes, I remember it well, it is tiring etc.

You don't need excuses as to why you and your teenager aren't going to look after the three children of someone you hardly know.

You're too worried about being 'nice'. It's not very 'nice' of her to keep asking after you've firmly said "No." Stick to your boundaries! If you start doing her favours it will be much harder to get out of the situation.

Now i just dont open my door..
but it is not very Nice to hide and Lie - and also not very Nice to be blunt.

Sigh. Threads like this are ten a penny on here. Everyone wants a magic method of getting exactly what they want without offending anyone and still being considered “nice”. This magic method doesn’t exist! Nothing you can say will make her think, “Okay, fair enough” - so just do what works best for you.

You share a postcode, not a life. Put her back in the polite nods and hellos box.

Thank you all. It makes me feel better to read your replies. I never wanted to be her friend - im Old enough to be her mother.
What i did want, was to be friendly - not sociable. And hate hate hate bad atmosphere..
she is from a different culture and very Much what is mine is yours, and dont understand the rest of us (4 other flats) dont feel like this. So she take stuff from shared garden to her terrasse and dont understand why people get miffed with her. But she is also like this with her time - suggest we shop together (i dont have a car) or say i Can use her car anytime. I have declined both.
I very Much want to be left alone. Just came out of really bad marriage and so want to enjoy the summer with my 2 teenagers. But now feel i have to hide and Lie instead. I could learn from my daughter - "mom, no is a complete sentence " 😂

So her mom and all her friends are "useless"? I wonder if they are really or are they just sick of her offloading her kids on them?

Try "God no, I swore to never babysit again once my own were grown!"

I actually have thought this.. she wear Them Down.. children are equally without bounderies - if i dont lock the door and they knock - they Will just open and come in! So now i lock the door..