Sorry for a lengthy one but like to make sure got enough context..2 years ago, I stopped contact with my best friend of many years ( friends as children / high school then a period of no contact then friends again from 21- 30. )
the reason for no contact was a falling out because she was not happy that I got back together with my then fiancé after we had spent 6 weeks apart due to arguing, I cancelled our wedding as I didn’t feel comfortable at that point making the commitment, we have both been married before and I had a daughter from that marriage and I wanted to be 100 percent certain before going down that road again so 6 weeks apart with lots of soul searching and subsequent couples counselling we have a stronger relationship than ever and are now married and have been for over a year and have a little 10 month old. I don’t regret the time apart at all.
the friendship was always intense. Every day txting about mundane things and I probably over shared and vice versa with each other far too much even for the closest friendship. She was always very critical of the other people in my life whether it’s family friends or when I was single, the men I dated. she would go on rampages of attacking the slightest detail she could. There appearance, their jobs even the cars they drove. At the time I thought it was just banter between friends winding me up but on reflection I think it may of been more sinister as it was relentless.
she was critical of other aspects of my life too and passed comment on silly things like where I shopped, the hobbies I had etc. i was always made to feel like I wasn’t quite normal if that makes sense . Again I always just thought it was banter.. the comments were snide but not bad enough for you to call her out on. Lots of “ why would you do that?’ And facial expressions indicating disgust.
She never showed any respect for my now husband from day one . At the time I put it down to jealousy as she was in a long term unhappy relationship which she made no attempt to hide her dissatisfaction in so I used to let it slide. She however had many other friends and I met on several occasions and was nothing but polite too. I felt like it was ok for her to have others but not me. One time I tried using bumble for the friendship side of it to expand my circle and truth be told it was be cause I felt inadequate in terms of my other friendships in comparison to her ( I know now it’s about value not numbers) I told her how I had a coffee date with a woman I was chatting to and she said to me how pathetic it was I was using an app to make friends , I remember feeling so embarrassed.
she put me in many uncomfortable situations where she would spend any chance away from her then partner txting and flirting with random men, and even on night outs getting in compromising situations. One night out in particular she was so drunk and a guy was clearly taking advatange of her. I spent my evening sober so I could watch her and I physically stopped her going home with him. I know her then partner and felt very uncomfortable but kept quiet as she was my best friend so I thought. They had two kids together as well.
I know what I have written is pretty negative but at times I can’t help but think about the friendship as I have other friends, but not the intensity of that friendship. There was some positive aspects of course or I wouldn’t have been her friend for so long.
i guess my question is am I unreasonable to miss the friendship or should I give my head a wobble and see it for what it was. I guess hearing others reaction is the validation I am looking for that I was right to end the friendship. Hope there are others who have maybe had a similar situation and can sympathise.