Fancying other people

[blondemama1]

In a serious relationship is it ok to fancy other people?

I don't mean noticing beauty, the way I'd say Margot Robbie is beautiful.

I mean actually being attracted to someone.

If you love your wife, should you be attracted to anyone else?

Finding another person attractive isn’t a big deal
Being attracted makes me think there’s an action involved there.
it’s what you do about it is the issue.
if you’re actively looking at other men or women then ask why?
but seeing someone in passing and thinking they’re attractive is no big deal imo.

acting on it is the issue.

Being attracted to somebody else is fine. Doing something about it is not, and that includes things like having intimate chats over a coffee and texting each other flirty messages. Just don't go there, because if you do, you've already decided to cheat. Show your respect for your spouse by never being in the kind of situation that would be hurtful.

I might be splitting hairs but I think finding someone attractive is fine because that is just how someone looks. Being attracted to someone, to me, implies a draw to the personality and is more concerning.

You can't help being attracted to someone, you can help what you do with those feelings! So yes, being attracted to someone else absolutely fine, acting upon it, absolutely not!

I think you can feel attracted to some one and that is ok. It is not a sign of not loving their partner.

However it is wrong if you start to act on those feelings including flirting , seeking them out for chats, physical acts etc. instead the person should be withdrawing and not feeding those feelings .

I'm a long, long time married and have been attracted to lots of people during that time. As I'm 100% committed to my marriage, I have no problem with flirting, let alone "seeking them out for chats" or anything so innocuous. It makes the world go round.

The alternative, to me, is the former US President, Mike Pence, who said he would never eat a meal alone with a woman who was not his wife. How ridiculous.

In the CofE marriage service, the participants agree that they will "forsaking all other, keep [themselves] only unto [the other]"

The point about forsaking is that it's a definite choice. I haven't forsaken all thought of Nigel Farage, because I find him repellent. I have forsaken Lovely David because if he asked me I would say no even though I wanted to.

Perfectly OK to fancy someone. Not OK to act on it.

Ultimately, nobody can actually help finding another person attractive. It’s not a conscious decision. But they can, obviously, resist any temptation to do anything about it.

Also, fancying someone doesn’t actually mean you’d necessarily prefer them to your partner or would want a relationship or even an affair with them, anyway.