To be going out with friends

[apartofit]

Hi, I'm looking to know AIBU?

Me and dp planned to have a night out tomorrow, but couldn't get a baby sitter for our 1 year old so then decided to not go out.

Last night dp said he will go to the pub today after work and I said no worries!

He came home after work and didn't bother going to the pub which is obviously okay!

My friend who i haven't seen in months, text me this evening and said would I like to join her and my other friend on a night out tomorrow as we all haven't seen each other in a long time, I run it past dp first just to make sure he is okay with watching baby he is saying it's okay but he is clearly not okay with it.

Hes making comments like "but we couldn't get a babysitter for us to go out so we planned to sit in together" or "I get it, you would rather be with your friends than me" he's being passive aggressive.

The last time I seen friends was may (my birthday) and prior to that, November!!!

He always finds a problem with me wanting to go out and it makes me feel rubbish.

If I go out tomorrow I won't even enjoy myself because I know dp is fuming with me , he says he isn't annoyed but acts annoyed.

YABU - you couldn't get a babysitter for a night out with your dp so neither of you should go out.

YANBU - you couldn't get a babysitter for a night out with your dp, and dp wanted to go to the pub and you were ok with it. So he should be okay with you going out too.

I don't think it's unreasonable, just maybe miscommunication. No babysitter to you has meant no plans so you can do something else, no babysitter to him has meant you have a night in together instead. Although totally get there may be some other aspects at play here.

He always finds a problem with me wanting to go out and it makes me feel rubbish

This is your problem. Is he controlling generally? Or is it laziness and not wanting took after the baby?

You're not unreasonable! You can't both go out but you're not joined at the hip

Tbh , wether or not we originally made plans to go out, this would of happened anyways.

When I bring up seeing friends, or making plans with them. it winds him up and I seriously don't know why. He says he doesn't care but is seriously passive aggressive.

I don't think it's an issue with watching baby. He's a good father! But he's been this way since I've met him about me going out.

I hate it, he's 100% the reason I see friends twice a year. I'm not the girl I used to be!

When I call him controlling he cries ???!!??

I am fed up !!!

So this is a pattern of behaviour from him.
It's called controlling and abusive.
It is very serious behaviour and you need to educate yourself.
He is making you feel bad so you won't go out.
So he can make your life very small and gain control.
Good men do not do this.
Abusive men do.
They also like to separate their victims from friends and family.
Please take it very seriously.
Contact Women's aid for a chat.
Tell family and friends the truth and keep them close.
Yours is not a healthy relationship.
I bet this is not his only controlling habit.
Start reading up on it.

I know it’s too late for you but I really wish women would value their freedom more. I cannot conceive of getting further than a few dates with someone who wanted to limit my freedom.

His cries are manipulation.

Obviously you aren’t going to leave him so your options are to just go out and ignore his moods or stay in a pacify him.

So he has always been abusive, controlling and manipulative.
The crying is deliberate manipulation of you.
This is so serious.
Do NOT get pregnant again.
Read up on COERCIVE CONTROL.

It is a CRIME.
This is not a good man.
They get worse, a lot worse.

He has already isolated you....it will get worse.

A loving partner would encourage you to go out, see friends and enjoy yourself. So he's not a loving partner but a jealous and controlling one. The tears are emotional blackmail. I very much fear that if you stay in this relationship, he will gradually isolate you from your friends and family. It will grind you down and you will end up feeling like it's not worth all the hassle and sulking.